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To think ds should be safe in school?

(19 Posts)
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Wed 11-Nov-15 22:46:14

And not come home saying "please can ou sew my tie? The teacher had to cut it where 'Fred' yanked it, after he pushed me into another kid."

This is an ofstead 'outstanding' school.

'Fred' is year 9. Ds is year 7.

Oysterbabe Wed 11-Nov-15 22:48:54

They can't watch them every second. Kids do this stuff to each other and it doesn't mean it's a shit school.

BlinkAndMiss Wed 11-Nov-15 22:58:58

YANBU, you should be approaching the school to ask what is actually happening with Fred and your DS. It might be that your DS was participating in clowning about with Fred but most schools wouldn't tolerate that kind of situation. If there is an issue then they need to sort it out, it might be that they are keeping their eye on the situation anyway but you should contact them.

TurnOffTheTv Wed 11-Nov-15 23:02:20

I still pull my teenagers tie so they struggle to get it off, just to annoy them. it was done to me dozens of times through secondary school. <misses point>

Primary school I might be bothered, secondary I wouldn't get involved, unless bullying was going on.

Reenskar Wed 11-Nov-15 23:02:26

If you are worried, talk to the school. They cannot be on top of all the kids all of the time, but they can do their best to make sure it doesn't happen again.

PurpleDaisies Wed 11-Nov-15 23:04:07

Fights happen. The key thing is how they're going to deal with it. What's going to happen to the yr 9 boy?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 11-Nov-15 23:09:11

. Fred is not a kid though Oyster. To be in year 9 he has to be at least 13 or 14.
Ops son can only be 11-12 years old at most. Not long into a new school.
How is your DS. Whycant. Has he had trouble with Fred before. Did you DS tell you what happened leading up to the event.
I personally would book an appointment with the HOY. To ask them to keep a close eye on this Fred around your son. Yes I do agree with Oyster about kids being kids but like I said Fred isnt a kid is he.
Yes it might be a one off, but the school needs to be put in the picture, but if but it is bullying op. You don't want to leave it too late to the point where he is refusing to go to school and his Education is suffering., and don't worry about being "that parent". Your concern is the well being and safe guarding of your son.

lostoldlogin2 Wed 11-Nov-15 23:10:34

since when is 13/14 "not a kid"?!?! confused

TurnOffTheTv Wed 11-Nov-15 23:12:41

Book an appointment with HOY because someone pulled his tie?? And yes, Fred is a kid!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 11-Nov-15 23:18:18

People never do cease to amaze. It seems to me like people give more of a shiny shit about me saying Fred is not a kid than him possibly bullying ops son.
I take it yours must have sailed through school. And if they didn't then you should be more understanding thsn anyone,

5madthings Wed 11-Nov-15 23:28:34

Speak to the school. At my boys high school this yanking of ties was a thing that all the kids did but the school cracked down on it and rightly so and it was an automatic detention.

Given the age difference and your son being a yr 7 pupil so new and still finding his feet at school I would be speaking with the school to make sure all is Ok. I would also be pissed off at having to buy a new tie! As your son's has been cut.

The other pupil is still a child but his behaviour wasn't Ok, and I say that as the mother of a yr 9 who has had a detention for doing this, my son was the one who was pushed by another child and retaliated by yanking his tie.. So he got a detention, he has asc and struggles with impulse control but he broke the rules so a detention it was and a talking to from me!

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Wed 11-Nov-15 23:31:24

I got presented with the wounded tie about 9 tonight. When I got a garbled story involving 3 boys. Fred, ds, kid. I don't know the name of the other boy, so he is kid!

Fred pushed ds into kid. Kid pushed ds back into Fred. Fred yanks ds tie so tight, a teacher had to cut it off.

My questions...

Why was ds with year 9 boys?
Did ds provoke Fred?

What have Fred and kid given as their versions?

What will the school do about all 3 boys?

If ds provoked, he needs to be sorted.
If ds is innocent, he needs 'protecting' for want of a better word.

Ds was at juniors with Fred. They were mostly friends, but had one 'run in'. When Fred was y6 and ds y4. Squabbling over a football, I think.

No idea who kid 3 is, so can't comment on him.

Obviously, a teacher knows as he had to cut ds tie.

Ds says school have contacted Fred's parents, and they expect Fred's parents to buy ds a new tie. So I am leaning toward ds being 'innocent'here.

TurnOffTheTv Wed 11-Nov-15 23:38:09

live I've got three girls, two of whom have been subjected to bullying, and one who I've actually removed from a school to relocate. I know exactly when to step in and when not to.

noblegiraffe Wed 11-Nov-15 23:39:03

A bit of pushing and shoving and tie yanking in the corridor is pretty standard, unfortunately (especially as they know each other). My school has gone to clip-on ties, now they just pull them off each other and throw them down the stairs hmm It's usually just boys pissing around and not usually malicious.

Getting Fred's parents to pay for a new tie is good on the part of the school.

If it just sounds like boys pissing about, then I'd leave it. If your DS is feeling bullied or threatened or it's a pattern of behaviour where he is being picked on by the older boys, then Fred having to pay for the tie and getting bollocked by his parents might sort it, but keep an eye on it and if it continues and your DS is upset by it then contact his tutor/HOY.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Wed 11-Nov-15 23:42:14

Why didnt they ring you to explain?

5madthings Wed 11-Nov-15 23:46:00

I school have/are contacting freds parents and getting them to pay for a new tie it sounds like they are dealing with it.

What noble says is good advice re if your ds is bothered, or if it's a pattern of behaviour. It's always worth you emailing school you could say you want to clarify events etc, and that way there is a record if anything happens in the future so she can see any pattern but it is common larking around type behaviour ime.

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 11-Nov-15 23:49:31

Why was the tie cut? confused

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 11-Nov-15 23:58:07

Sorry to hear that Turnoff. However none of us know this may not have been the first time this has happened and furthermore it may not be the last.
I know you have experience of dealing with the cruel reality of bullying and I can't even begin to imagine what thats like. But I say this with the uppermost respect and I don't want to sound rude but how can you possibly know when the op should get involved. No one can know that.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Thu 12-Nov-15 00:21:29


When it was pulled, it went so tight that even the teacher couldn't untie it.


No idea. I will check my emails. Check the website thing. If nothing there, I will ask them tomorrow.

I will,leave ds to calm down and ask him at the weekend. See if its a oneoff or not.

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