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To be really irritated with DP's apparant decision to 'turn on me' again this week?

(83 Posts)
SlimmersWorldHero Wed 11-Nov-15 11:19:12

DP and I have great times and then we descend into petty squabbles which result in us not talking for days - him in an endless sulk and me questioning our entire relationship.

IMO these usually result from him deliberately taking something I've said the wrong way, kicking up a massive OTT stink about it and then refusing to let it drop. Ive recently realized he does this when he's been spoiling for a fight anyway and I've added a tiny spark to his fuse.

Anyway - recently we've been good. Making wedding plans, making holiday plans, sorting finances - all has been well.

Until - last weekend. I've decided to stop getting drunk every friday and saturday night just because it's weekend. He has continued to drink.

Friday night I got in from work at 8pm and he'd had a drink - he started with his sarcasm, his snappy comments, his intentions to be offended at whatever I said ... I put it down to the fact that he was drinking and I wasn't.

Since then though he's changed although he denies it. He's not wanting to talk to me, being sarcastic constantly and basically just not been very nice to be around. Last night was awful. I got home from work at 8pm (from 7am!). He'd also been at work but finished at 4.30pm. We both work full time, we're both tired - I get that. But his mouth ...

He had said he'd like to watch a specific program with me. It was getting on for 10pm and he was still faffing about with some papers that need signing and sorting on Friday. So I said "are we going to put this program on? it's getting late and I'll be going to bed soon". Well - this opened up a tirade of tantruming "right! thats it! you sort those papers out then!! do it now because I'm tired and will be going to bed soon! have you done it yet?? I would have done it earlier but I've been busy sorting out YOUR kids - you wouldn't know because you wern't here! You wouldn't understand because you're not used to looking after someone elses kids - "

Anyway he continued making references to the fact that I "wasn't here" although if ever I suggest cutting my hours down he goes mad and says its not an option as we need the money and why should he have to work full time to support everyone etc etc etc - I can't win.

And then the constant references to my kids - they're 14 and 16 - all he did was stick a bleeding pizza in the oven!!

Anyway he went on to say that I don't pull my weight. On my day off on Tuesday I did two lots of washing, cleaned two bathrooms, sorted the week's shopping, organised a christmas meal out for his and my parents to meet, organised the wedding cake and did a load of research into our holiday plans. Oh and I wrapped some Christmas presents for HIS KIDS.

He doesn't work weekends so what does he do on HIS day off? stays in bed until 11am, gets up, plays on the computer and then watches movies with his son as he 'needs to spend time with him'. Shame I never get time to do that eh.

SlimmersWorldHero Wed 11-Nov-15 11:20:37

Oh and when I'd spent all day trying to research this bloody holiday - he came home, I tried to show him what I'd found and suggested we look together for a better deal and he insisted that he would look at him by himself as their is no point in us both sat there looking at a screen. God forbid we actually do something together eh.

petalsandstars Wed 11-Nov-15 11:23:50

Not seeing much "D" in him tbh.

HSMMaCM Wed 11-Nov-15 11:24:00

If stop making wedding plans if I were you.

TPel Wed 11-Nov-15 11:26:56

I couldn't imagine marrying someone like him.

It sounds a horrible way to live for you and your DC, but you know that.

I would show him the door if I was you.

AlwaysHope1 Wed 11-Nov-15 11:27:10

You would be absolutely mad to want to marry him?? The biggest problem for me would be how he sees your kids. Not a family unit so what is the point of him. Add the drinking problem and you need to run!

SirChenjin Wed 11-Nov-15 11:29:25

If this was an isolated incident then it'd be one thing - but if he's got form as you say then thank your lucky stars you aren't married yet and dump him pronto. He's really not much of a catch, is he?

TheOriginalWinkly Wed 11-Nov-15 11:29:50

Dear god. You're planning to tether yourself to him and his temper tantrums and laziness for the rest of your life. Sounds hideous. You know he'll stop making what little effort he makes now once you've got the ring on, right? And your children, seeing that as an example and living with someone who appears to resent them. Fun and games for everyone hmm

redexpat Wed 11-Nov-15 11:30:29

Stop making wedding plans with him. Find someone who doesnt begrudge your kids.

gingerboy1912 Wed 11-Nov-15 11:31:04

I would stop the wedding plans and have a think if I were you. This isn't just about you and him there are kids involved and they have to live with him as well. It sounds like he doesn't like you that much. Sorry.

Gottagetmoving Wed 11-Nov-15 11:31:52

You really need to think hard before marrying this man. I know some people carry on happily in this sort of relationship, but it doesn't sound like you are happy with him.
If he turns on you regularly its because he has ongoing issues that are not just going to go away.
You have two children, is it nice for them to see this?
YANBU to be irritated - I would be more than that!

stitchglitched Wed 11-Nov-15 11:31:53

Not this guy again. I think it's shameful that you continue to subject your kids to this mess.

gamerchick Wed 11-Nov-15 11:40:57

Why are you wedding planning with this person? He doesn't sound very nice.

ohtheholidays Wed 11-Nov-15 11:43:35

And your marrying him why?

Only1scoop Wed 11-Nov-15 11:45:17

Yanbu

Yabu to marry this sulking, nasty piece of work.

The 'YOUR KIDS'

Speaks volumes to me

Good luck

Arfarfanarf Wed 11-Nov-15 11:48:14

And yet you're still going to marry him.

Don't complain that he behaves like this after the wedding if you choose to tie yourself to him when you know this is how he will treat you.

You don't have to marry him.

popandboo Wed 11-Nov-15 11:49:00

Stichglitch kick her while shes down. That should really help.
He sounds like an arse.

stitchglitched Wed 11-Nov-15 11:54:54

Well pop all the 'there there's in the world obviously haven't helped as the OP continually posts under various names about how he mistreats her and her kids. She has a choice but her kids don't.

AyeAmarok Wed 11-Nov-15 11:54:55

This guy, again?

He's never, ever, ever going to change.

Really, he won't. Stop wasting your time.

FlowersAndShit Wed 11-Nov-15 11:59:26

Why are women so desperate to get married, that they will settle for any arsehole?

Muckogy Wed 11-Nov-15 11:59:47

Expect this whole rotten scenario to deteriorate further, once you've married. Please ditch this utter prick before he ruins your and your kids lives. Seriously - bin this loser.

AyeAmarok Wed 11-Nov-15 12:04:06

FlowersAndShit I rather love your name grin

YouBastardSockBalls Wed 11-Nov-15 12:12:34

Why are you marrying him? Genuinely?

SmokeAlarmsSaveLives Wed 11-Nov-15 12:19:51

The way you describe your relationship it does not sound like a strong basis for marriage!!!

Stop making wedding plans and have a hard think about things.

BarbarianMum Wed 11-Nov-15 12:19:56

YABU. Being "irritated" isn't going to help you at all. Dumping this tosser will.

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