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Because I don't think my grandmother was BU?

(35 Posts)
TowerRavenSeven Tue 10-Nov-15 23:43:24

My mother has two siblings, a sister and a brother. The brother (my uncle) married someone 13 years older than him, they have been married for 30 years and while they don't have any children together, she has five from a previous marriage. My Uncle and aunt live clear cross the country. My grandmother has never met my Aunt's children, who were all adults living on their own when my aunt and Uncle married, they live all over the world. My uncle did not adopt them.

There was never any bad blood between my grandmother, my aunt or her children. Since her children were all adults living all over the world, they never met my grandmother. There was just never any time for everyone to all get together, and being adults, quite naturally I don't think there was any interest on the children's parts - or on my grandmother's either really.

When my grandmother was discussing her estate, she told my uncle that the four of us grandchildren (myself and my brother; & my two cousins by my mother's sister) were going to get a an inheritance from her. My uncle had a full strop because my grandmother was not going to give any of her estate to his wife's children. She had never even met them...if they had been interested I'm sure she would have, but traveling cross country to meet their mother's new mother in law just wasn't practical.

Now that my grandmother is gone, my uncle still holds it against his mother that his wives' children did not inherit from her. We each got a nice amount ($20K US). Do you think this was U of my grandmother? Aside from of course she could do what she wanted with her money, would this even occur to you that she should have left them something, given the fact she never even met them? I don't think she was BU but I'd never mention it to my uncle, I think he will hold it against his mother the rest of his days.

reni2 Tue 10-Nov-15 23:47:11

Your gran was NBU at all, not even unfair. But she is gone, his grudge really does not matter.

cranberryx Wed 11-Nov-15 00:13:47

Why would she leave something to people she's never even met? I think he's on glue to expect that really - especially as it would take away from other family members that I am assuming meant more to your grandmother.

I would just nod and say nothing next time your uncle says anything - you can't really argue with stupid.

yeOldeTrout Wed 11-Nov-15 00:16:23

On those facts, Her money, He is BU.

sooperdooper Wed 11-Nov-15 00:16:26

He's being utterly unreasonable - why on earth would she leave money to strangers, I'd say that to him if he mentions again

amarmai Wed 11-Nov-15 00:39:58

there is a thread similar to this where a sf is demanding that his 2nd wife;s mother include his 3 cc in her will. I think it's just a greedy money grabbing sob. And i wd reexamine his previous behaviour in the light of what he is now exposing about his real self.

KayC1 Wed 11-Nov-15 00:41:11

Your uncle is the one BU - there was no blood relationship or actual r/ship between your g/mother + your step-cousins. End of matter really.

Damselindestress Wed 11-Nov-15 06:16:10

Your uncle is BU. Firstly, it was your grandmother's money to do as she wished with. Secondly, there was no relationship between her and her son's adult step children, through their choice. Why on earth should she be expected to leave them money when she's never even met them?! It's awful that money is more important to him than respectfully remembering his mother and personally I would avoid contact with him.

PunkrockerGirl Wed 11-Nov-15 06:31:50

Your grandmother was nbu. She was entitled to divide her estate up as she wished. Why would you leave money to people you've never met and who've never shown an interest in you confused

Senpai Wed 11-Nov-15 06:39:38

They're not her grandchildren. She's never met them and she isn't related.

Why would she dump money on them?

Lostcat2 Wed 11-Nov-15 06:42:41

Of course not.

Your uncle is being bat shit crazy.

Ask him if he is planning to leave his estate to family or strangers.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Wed 11-Nov-15 06:49:48

Did your uncle/ aunt/ mother also inherit? If so he is being unreasonable. If she skipped the generation and gave the bulk of her estate to grandchildren then I can see why he might be upset but it is still her money to gift as she wants.

Narp Wed 11-Nov-15 06:56:50

From what you've said, he's being unreasonable.

But perhaps what this is really about is him believing she never fully embraced his new family? (whether this is unreasonable of not). The version of this story is one you believe, but maybe there is stuff you don't know.

If this is not the case, then as I said, he's being unreasonable

I am sorry about your GMs death and that this is souring things

Chilledmonkeybrains Wed 11-Nov-15 06:59:39

It's perfectly fair and reasonable of her but it doesn't actually matter as a person can do whatever they want with their money, fair or not, and no one else's opinion counts.

LindyHemming Wed 11-Nov-15 06:59:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Krampus Wed 11-Nov-15 08:03:07

She was not being unreasonable.

Jux Wed 11-Nov-15 08:39:07

She's left her estate to her descendants; completely standard. They are strangers, and are not her descendants and have not given her any unusual or distinctive service, so why would she give them anything?

She might as well tell her Executor to hand out fivers to people in the street, as to leave your aunt's children anything.

Silly uncle.

AnUtterIdiot Wed 11-Nov-15 09:08:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinot4me Wed 11-Nov-15 09:14:25

She was not being unreasonable. Maybe he should give them a share of his share if he feels that strongly! (Assuming he got some)

GruntledOne Wed 11-Nov-15 09:29:43

Your uncle is not only BU, he is also being ridiculous if he is still holding this against his mother. What on earth will that achieve except to make him feel bitter and unhappy?

AngelicCurls Wed 11-Nov-15 10:09:35

Definitely uncle is BU. I feel sorry for him as it obviously taints his memory of her

LisaD1 Wed 11-Nov-15 10:16:36

Your Uncle is definitely BU. Why would anyone leave their estate to strangers? It was your GM estate to do with as she wished and it sounds like she did. He needs to get over himself.

bumbleymummy Wed 11-Nov-15 10:36:17

Your uncle is BVU.

FishWithABicycle Wed 11-Nov-15 10:37:38

Uncle is mostly being unreasonable. With no ties of blood or affection these people had no claim on the estate.

The mostly there is because I wonder if the Uncle got anything himself? If his mother divided the whole estate between her grandchildren, his nieces and nephews, and left nothing to either him or his siblings (your mum and your aunt) then I can see why he would be a bit miffed. Your mum and aunt don't feel disinherited because they own children are benefiting, but he has effectively been entirely cut out of the will. In this case I would have felt it reasonably for him (your uncle, not his step children) to get a share equal to that of each single grandchild. If your mum and her sister got a share themselves and presumably he got the same share himself then he has nothing to complain about.

AlwaysHope1 Wed 11-Nov-15 10:39:25

Yanbu, they are not her grandchildren. He's just being a greedy idiot.

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