This is going to sound a really silly post and I'll try to put it as succinctly as possible but I really struggle to fit in with people. I like my own company, when I have free time I just want to be with my husband and children, I don't crave lots of friends and have a few very close friends but that is it. I am socially awkward, I don't like small talk and am really bad at it, I struggle not to think about the complexities of things. For example if you talk to me about a nice bag in a shop, my mind will start thinking about the consumerist culture, materialism, the impact that has on society the planet etc - I know I am too serious in thought for most people. I'm also not great at knowing when I've upset someone or what the right thing to say when etc. I've learnt to hide all of this, that it isn't socially acceptable to debate the political, social or environmental factors of every thing and it bores most people (probably rightly so) but I do think deeply about everything. This isn't to say I don't have fun and laugh and play about but my form of relaxing in my children, playing with leaves, enjoying nature, being outside, walking my dog, talking to my husband (who is a lot like me in this respect!) etc.
I'm not a fun party person. I don't like confined spaces and feel trapped, and I don't like going to new places that much and I don't like being touched by people I don't have an intimate relationship with. I feel very unconfident in large groups etc.
Quite a few months ago I was invited on a girly spa-type weekend with a nice bunch of women I know. I said yes in a moment of madness as actually I actively wanted to push myself outside of my comfort zone and try to be more social and was genuinely touched to be invited along. Now this spa weekend thing is coming up I am dreading it - I think I'll bore everyone if I do try to join in and look boring and quiet if I don't. I think I have different values and views to this group and just think I'll end up irritated or irritating. I don't want to have any treatments and the idea of a sauna sends me spinning. I don't want to be away in a strange place for a night and think it'll be a waste of my time when I could be with my children. I'm happy to pay my share and not go. I know I shouldn't have said yes in a moment of madness, I do like them all but I'm getting increasingly anxious about it...
I don't think I'm (or at least hope I'm not) an awful person, I just don't think I fit in or am the type of person they will like but I really don't want to offend them either. Should I get out of this and if so how can I do it politely (most of them are school mums or associated with husbands work)
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AIBU?
To make an excuse and cancel on long planned girly weekend...
83 replies
SugarDoh · 09/11/2015 20:00
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