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To get annoyed that DH's idea of housework is just moving stuff around?

(31 Posts)
starsandstars Mon 09-Nov-15 13:57:20

He piles things up, shoves things into cupboards, piles things on windowsills etc. But no actual cleaning or proper tidying is ever done.

I was out at work for 12 hours on Saturday and when I got home I was met with a "Ta Da" type flourish. Literally all he had done was move things around; a pile of washing from the top of the tumble dryer had been put in the hallway upstairs. Kids toys in the lounge just put in a pile rather than taken up upstairs. Things had just been piled up neatly on the worktop rather than put away in cupboards. No hoovering, no dusting, no cleaning of kitchen or bathrooms,just a bizarre move around of stuff.

And before anyone says I should be grateful he does anything at all, I'll point out we are both fully functioning adults, both working full time grin

00100001 Mon 09-Nov-15 15:13:37

Some people have no clue grin

Modestandatinybitsexy Mon 09-Nov-15 16:19:59

Literally having images of a pyramid of mugs affronting you in the kitchen grin

SleepyForest Mon 09-Nov-15 16:27:29

I tend to bin things, so count yourself lucky!

If it won't fit in the cupboard nicely it goes to the charity shop or the bin. My family have learned to put things away if they want them to stay.

starsandstars Mon 09-Nov-15 16:28:34

No I won't count myself lucky, Sleepy.

Why should I?

00100001 Mon 09-Nov-15 16:29:11

Because otherwise sleepy will come round your house and throw all your stuff away!

starsandstars Mon 09-Nov-15 16:29:25

Because he didn't throw away the clothes and underwear of mine that were in the laundry piles? Bugger that.

00100001 Mon 09-Nov-15 16:31:37

Count yourself lucky that.... at least he tried!

Brighteyedbirdie Mon 09-Nov-15 16:33:16


starsandstars Mon 09-Nov-15 16:35:36

He should do more than trying! Like I said in my OP he is a fully functioning adult! If I can do things properly then I don't see why he can't!

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr Mon 09-Nov-15 16:39:50

But moving things around is tidying, just because he doesn't move them to where you think the proper place is doesn't mean he hasn't moved them to where he thinks the proper place is.

If you want him to do things to your standards, you need to explain that, and dictate what your standards are, and likely compromise either on the standards or on other areas where his idea of proper is different to yours.

There is no "proper", you have to compromise.

starsandstars Mon 09-Nov-15 16:41:26

Of course there is proper! He never cleans, that's my issue, he just moves stuff around! Why should I be the only one to ever clean? Oh and he is certainly vocal about mess but never puts anything away!

OliviaBenson Mon 09-Nov-15 16:42:56

It's not doing something to OPs standards though is it? Surely it's obvious that washing needs to be put away, rather than just moved? That's just laziness! And don't even get me started on wanting to be congratulated for it.

starsandstars Mon 09-Nov-15 16:44:35

Thank you Olivia for getting my point! I was thinking from the other replies that I was on a 1950s forum!

He will moan at some point that his stuff, that he dumped on the landing, isn't put away.

SonjasSister7 Mon 09-Nov-15 16:47:33

It sounds like he 'orders' the mess rather than deals with it - so its all gonna need double-handling, yes? Point this out to him (ie that its inefficient /a waste of his valuable time?

Does he know what to do with the laundry/dirty dishes etc? Does he know how to work the hoover? Ask him that too! Or is he 'afraid of doing it wrong'? (my dh's go-to excuse)

You have my sympathy. He sounds like my teenagers, ie lazy!

00100001 Mon 09-Nov-15 16:47:27

Cleaning and Tidying are not the same thing though...

OliviaBenson Mon 09-Nov-15 16:49:17

I know! I was hmm at some of the responses. I'd simply stop doing anything at all for him. He's s grown up- why are you responsible for it all? I'm angry for you!

starsandstars Mon 09-Nov-15 16:49:29

Well he seems to think they are, as he thinks he's done housework when he's 'tidied'

SonjasSister, of course he knows how to do it and where the hoover is kept!

starsandstars Mon 09-Nov-15 16:49:59

Thank you Olivia flowers

JassyRadlett Mon 09-Nov-15 16:51:00

Count yourself lucky that.... at least he tried!

Nah, fuck that. So so tired of men getting a free pass and being infantilised when it comes to domestic stuff seen as 'women's work'.

It doesn't take a great deal of brainwork or explicit direction from a woman to know that clean laundry goes where the clean clothes live (ie wardrobe/drawers/ironing basket).

If the kids toys don't usually live in the lounge, that's something both adults should have noticed.

Honestly. Men are actually capable and competent if they're expected to be.

Fratelli Mon 09-Nov-15 16:58:29

I'm with you op! If you're both working full time all the household chores should be 50/50. And they should be done properly! Like putting clothes away rather than just moving them! Have some wine and cake op

Finola1step Mon 09-Nov-15 17:09:43

He hasn't got a clue. He sounds like a "half job". I've seen them everywhere. People who can't quite be bothered to do a full job properly. The laundry for example. Take it out of the tumble drier. Take it up stairs, put away in relevant places and then return laundry basket to its place. That's a full job. But he's a "half job". So he will take out laundry and sees that as job done.

cranberryx Mon 09-Nov-15 18:27:38

Finola you've summed up my DP perfectly!

On the subject of laundry, mine also:
Goes through the (shared) hamper and washes only HIS clothing, leaving mine confused said washing goes in the washing machine only to be left, damp, for a day or two and in need of another wash/dry/iron.
Which has suddenly become my responsibility hmm

I only find this out when I go to the washer to put the rest of the washing in!

Sorry to hijack, I needed to get that off my chest.

Also, hiding things is not tidying them as well! I agree with OP on this one - maybe you should start labelling everything, both the item and it's place (thinks mug and mug cupboard) and then ask him why the items aren't in their homes?

I only say this to treat him like a child, because he seems to be acting a bit like one!

Orangeanddemons Mon 09-Nov-15 18:39:24

Moving things around isn't tidying unless you are putting them away. Tidying is putting all the accumulated detritus away in the right place.

LindyHemming Mon 09-Nov-15 18:55:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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