Huge back story obviously as I'm 36 and she's 70 so I'll try not to bore you too much and keep it relevant. I'm looking for people in similar situations who can advise me how they handle this... If at all?
My mother is quite a cold fish, and pretty much always has been. Her mother was too, and by all accounts was emotionally cold and neglectful to her. Consequently She's unaffectionate, abrupt, and very negative. If I'm sad about something her reaction is to be either bored, or angry at me for it. She fails to recognise that I'm not doing it to annoy her or for attention, I just happen to be sad in that moment. For instance I found out my friends dad had died when I was with her last week and her reaction to my sadness was to look exasperated and then leave the room in an indignant huff. I then overheard her tell her friend I was being 'a bloody pall of doom today'.
She has never shown any sympathy about anything, in fact the two times she has reached out to hold my hand (in a sort of begrudgingly dutiful way) in the last two years - she literally crushed it. I yelped in pain and she pulled away, looked cross and walked out. She managed to turn a situation round where she had inflicted pain on me - into it being my fault and I should feel bad for yelping at her hurting me. So so many more examples of this but I want to keep this relevant.
She likes her house to be stone cold, with bright lights on all the time and to sit in hard chairs. She drinks sour drinks and when she listens to the radio, she doesn't tune it properly so the white noise is deafening. My point is, she seems to thrive in surroundings in what most people would deem highly uncomfortable. I certainly do. I like warmth, soft lighting, cozy chairs, soothing music and sweet or creamy drinks. We are total opposites and therefore when I visit we are almost constantly at odds as our tastes and needs are so extreme.
This makes me feel so, so sad as I feel we have little to no bond, nothing in common and I can't even have a laugh with her as she takes everything the wrong way and ends up telling me off.
Is there anything I can do to rescue any part of our relationship or is it completely untenable?
Two people who I've described her to have suggested she is on the aspergic spectrum, does that sound likely?
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AIBU?
To conclude that It's impossible for me and my mother to ever bond as we're too different?
3 replies
BrightonMum36 · 08/11/2015 15:24
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