To 'make' DS play football for his team today even though he doesn't want to?

[WhatamessIgotinto]

More of a WWYD I supposr. I feel like a cow.

He's just told me he really doesn't want to play, he's worried about letting his team down, making silly mistakes and getting it wrong. He's actually pretty upset. (I've never told him he's done badly, its kids football ffs and he so says his team mates and coaches haven't either).

I've told him that he won't be letting anyone down by letting a goal in but that he would by not turning up to play or pulling out 2 hours before kick off. We've agreed that he'll play and that I'll speak to his coaches about his confidence but I feel like an absolute cowbag. He's 11 and I feel old enough understand the importance of a team and team work. WWYD?

[TheSnowFairy]

Same as you. He does need to go, it's a team sport.

[3littlefrogs]

I agree with you.

He will lose the respect of his team mates if he doesn't show up. All he has to do is his best.

[WhatamessIgotinto]

That's what I've said to him, he just needs to do his best. He was so upset, actually crying. I think he does understand that he has to play today. His team are lovely lads and he's actually a good goalie!

[NickiFury]

I'd definitely make him play today but be discussing whether it was an activity he wanted to continue with in the long term.

[scarlets]

At 11, things can be pretty competitive and the chances are that someone has indeed commented on his ability, or decried him for a mistake, and he hasn't told you. Maybe the coach, or another child? As the mum of sporty children, I really sympathise. It can seem like the end of the world for them.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Boys can get hormonal too and it sounds to me like someone has said something and he's blown it out of proportion. Poor wee guy. Of course you were right to 'make' him play but lots of reassurance after the game and a quiet afternoon with a bit of chat later?

[WhatamessIgotinto]

I feel gutted for him because he's always loved it. The fact that its pissing down here today is not exactly helping either.

[Narp]

I agree that probably someone has commented to him. Team work isn't what it should be, all the time, in boys' football

[WhatamessIgotinto]

but lots of reassurance after the game and a quiet afternoon with a bit of chat later?

It'll just be the two of us at home later so we'll have a chance to talk. Hot bath and hot chocolate for him. And he's not to big for a cuddle on the sofa either.

[mrsplum2015]

Yes he has to go. But you do definitely need to speak to the coach about why he feels the way he does - and don't feel bad if you think his team mates aren't respecting him as a team player which leads you to support him to leave the team.

I totally agree that if they're committed to the team they can't pull out of a game at the last minute. But on the other hand if it is damaging his confidence - particularly if the other team mates or the coach are the cause of this - doesn't mean he has to stick it out to the end of the season IMO.

[sparkofnaturesfire]

Aww I feel for both of you in this situation. It must be really hard seeing him so upset and "making" him go. But you're doing the right thing. It's an important life lesson. We all have to do things we don't want to when we've committed and, from what you've said, he understands he should go.

However, it does sound like something else might be going on. If he doesn't want to continue football then fair enough as long as it's for the right reasons and not on a whim but you'll need to work that bit out and figure it out. You're right sending him today though, as upsetting as that is.

[BonnieF]

At 11, he is old enough to understand that having committed to playing, he can't just let his team-mates down at the last minute. He is also old enough to decide that he doesn't want to play football any more, so if he wants today's game to be his last, that's fair enough.

At age 11 sports generally become more competitive, and less about inclusiveness and taking part. Perhaps he just wants to enjoy his sport, without pressure to win?

[ragged]

Awww, at least he's the goalie. That helps in a weird way with pressure. It's not like kids shove each other out of the way to be goalie. I told DS the one time he played in goal "Just by trying you've done a star job for the team because they could all go in goal instead but they don't, so you are a star just by being there. Don't worry about other team scoring as long as you tried your best"

This is part of the reason we mostly don't do team sports, mind, my boys are completely unreliable and terrible team players :(.

[WhatamessIgotinto]

Well he played and had a great game. He tried his absolute best and he really enjoyed himself. His team lost, but as I reminded him, he's part of a team and they all did their best. I've told him that if he wants to give up then it would be good to wait til the Christmas break as that gives him time to really think about it. I don't mind him giving up (saves me freezing my arse off on the sidelines) but I don't want him to throw the towel in without really thinking about it properly (as he's done with various other things before).

He's now sitting with a hot chocolate eating a bar of galaxy bigger than my head and looks about 5 years old.

[Griphook]

Thing is he's a goalie, my ss was a goalie. Loved it to start with but became upset in the end. He was either standing around getting cold if his team was better (the ball would be at the other end of pitch) or feeling under a lot of pressure to safe a goal. I can understand how he felt can he not play on the pitch for a bit instead?