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AIBU, heard kind of talking behind someone's back- cringe?

(37 Posts)
avocadosarentmiddleclassed Sat 07-Nov-15 16:30:11

I know I was BU but AIBU to keep mentally beating myself up about it..

In the staff room at work this week, someone had left a beautiful biscuit tin on the table, I remarked 'oh I wonder if my class can have the tin when the biscuits are eaten' to which someone replied 'no Mary's already got first dibs on it.'

I didn't respond. Then when my boss joined us she said that she had bought the biscuits and that I was welcome to have said tin for my class to play with.

Anyway, after a long day yesterday I stupidly/pointlessly told my boss thank you for the tin and that at first someone had told me that Mary had first dibs on it (I don't know why) I said this I'm not really a stirrer by nature but anyway..

My employer really overreacted and said 'oh that woman is a nightmare, you can't trust her, she would take anything blah blah blah' and just at that moment her best friend walked in and everyone went quiet, I was embarrassed and it was kind of awkward, she'll definitely tell her friend Mary and I'll be seen as a bad guy even though it was just a silly comment.

I'm almost tempted to apologise but think I'll make it worse.

Just lately Ive noticed that I keep opening my big gob when I shouldn't and I think it comes from feeling insecure in my position at work with my colleagues (newish job with 4 ladies all of whom are good friends with each other, working 'under' me)

Sorry rant over, can anyone give me permission to stop beating myself up?


quietbatperson Sat 07-Nov-15 16:34:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

avocadosarentmiddleclassed Sat 07-Nov-15 16:39:48

Thanks but I knew I had been given it, I just randomly decided to mention that at first someone had told me that someone else had first dibs..

JoySzasz Sat 07-Nov-15 16:56:20

I think your nerves got the better of you.
I'm in a new job, l am constantly talking rubbish.
Not about anyone l work with, but jibberish all the same.
I've also noticed lots of orhers doing it. Mouths working independently from the brain.
I think you should have these. flowers

MrsBobDylan Sat 07-Nov-15 17:00:15

Yabu-doesn't sound like you said anything out of order at all. Don't give it another thought.

lizzydrippingsghost Sat 07-Nov-15 17:02:48

dont worry about it like someone else said you was just checking it hadnt been given to mary. sounds like theres abit of history with them pair anyway

catfordbetty Sat 07-Nov-15 17:06:58

I'm not sure what you're supposed to have done wrong.

FireCrotch Sat 07-Nov-15 17:09:24

Was it Mary's best friend or the biscuit bitch?

MrsBobDylan Sat 07-Nov-15 17:09:28

I think joy has it. My chief executive makes me nervous and I talk utter shit every time he speaks to me.

amarmai Sat 07-Nov-15 17:37:13

maybe just let mary have it? or not.

ExBallerina Sat 07-Nov-15 17:41:48

I wouldn't worry about it, honestly.

Awkward situation, yes. But you obviously weren't the one badmouthing Mary.

Frankly, it just makes your boss look bad.

MammaTJ Sat 07-Nov-15 17:41:50

From your title, I came on here to tell you you only had yourself to blame for talking behind someones back!

Having read your OP though, you really did not say much, your employer did! Nothing to worry about. If it gets twisted and distorted, then you seem to have plenty of witnesses as to the truth!

FireCrotch Sat 07-Nov-15 17:42:31

Yeah let Mary have it. One in the eye to meany pants. Oh and you're new be wary of ransoms bitching about other staff members. I've seen it before and says far more about the bitcher than the bitchee. grin

FireCrotch Sat 07-Nov-15 17:43:48

randoms grrr!

IrisVillarca Sat 07-Nov-15 17:51:58

I wouldn't feel bad. Mary obviously isn't as popular as she thinks she is, no doubt due to her grabby, First Dibs ways.

trapdooragain Sat 07-Nov-15 18:06:19

flowers for you op im cringing just remembering my faux pas

MistressMerryWeather Sat 07-Nov-15 19:30:02

You didn't do anything wrong.

Honestly, Mary would have absolutely no cause to be pissed off at you.

NotAnotheChinHair Sat 07-Nov-15 19:51:17

Is the tin from M&S? I do like me a good biscuit tin...

StampyMum Sat 07-Nov-15 20:01:10

God, I love a nice biscuit tin, especially from M&S. Now, honestly, you did nothing wrong, and you'll feel better about it in a week or two anyway. And you'll have the tin for life! Plus, always remember Princess Margaret's motto - "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." And drink wine till you've forgotten what you were cringing about.

eddielizzard Sat 07-Nov-15 20:11:42

i'm feeling a strong urge to go out and buy a really nice tin of biscuits...

mom2twoteens Sat 07-Nov-15 20:17:48

How could Mary have first dibs on a tin that wasn't hers and she hadn't asked the person who bought the tin in. That's a bit cheeky and you didn't say anything bad about her anyway. Take a deep breath and try not to overthink it. (Easier said than done, I know.)

avocadosarentmiddleclassed Sat 07-Nov-15 21:29:41

Thanks for the YANBUs, I suppose I just want everyone to trust me because it's such a small school and everyone there has worked there for years I'm finding it hard to penetrate/not sure I really want to too much, because I believe that these things happen over time, so I'm in this weird limbo land of not really having anyone I trust and wanting to prove myself as a nice/good person.
The tin was from Fortnum and Masons and it had a base that you twist and it makes music.. very nice biscuits too!

As "Mary's" friend came in, my boss had just finished her incredulous rant and I said (in Mary's defence) that is was before any of us knew who had brought the tin in.
I think I'm a bit depressed or I wouldn't be over thinking this so much.
Thanks all.

holeinmyheart Sat 07-Nov-15 21:49:37

You poor thing, I feel concerned for you as you are sensitive.
You know can't really afford to second guess what others are thinking or feeling, as you will never know.

You do sound unduly worried about the ' biscuit tin ' situation.

I suggest you go on a counselling course. The cheapest way to get counselling, that would help make feel less vulnerable and also cease worrying so much is to take a course at a local college. Also a Mindful course would help you not give a 'shite' or at least not loose much sleep about trivia.
It is not surprising that popular people are often very congruent.

Also in any work place it is a 'must' that you try your best not to bad mouth people. Any one who bad mouths people constantly is invariably saying mean things about you as well.

Never mind, cheer up, what has happened, has happened, next week it will be something else.

If Mary's friend is a true friend, she won't tell her anyway.

avocadosarentmiddleclassed Sat 07-Nov-15 22:17:41

Thanks, I have been going to therapy each week for over a year now but have recently just cut down to fortnightly due to money so am struggling with it a bit because when I was going each week, it wouldn't matter what had happened through the week I would have somewhere to go to process it all.

FindoGask Sat 07-Nov-15 22:27:34

I totally get where you're coming from; when I'm settling in to a new work situation I feel very vulnerable and overly worried about what people might think of me - it takes time to be comfortable and not have to analyse every little thing. But that's what this is - a little thing - it won't have affected the way anyone sees you, you didn't do anything wrong, it just feels a bit awkward.

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