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Bullying at work - update / more advice please!

(87 Posts)
LadyShirazz Sat 07-Nov-15 08:59:12

Hi all,

To all those who read my previous posts on bullying / discrimination at work, and just hating my job of 3 months generally, I am returning with an update (posting in AIBU cause I practically live here otherwise).

So, it seems I got that dream job I was so desperately hoping for on the last thread!! Offer has been given / accepted verbally and will be formally extended early next week, once their internal approval process has been finalised. (Not breaking out the champagne until that point - but starting to think ahead now to how I'm going to handle things on the current job side).

The temptation is to let rip when I hand in my notice (will only do when ink is dried on new contract). As much as I'd like to cite all the bullying / misogyny / unreasonableness of my boss (who will be the one I have to hand my notice directly to) and constant pressure to lie to clients etc, I know I must stay professional - it's a small world, and word gets round... All references are generic ones done by HR and I haven't got any "red flags" on my record - my performance has been good in till now (I just hated doing it!).

Do you think the below sounds okay? I think it mainly gets out what I want to say (notice I deliberately don't thank him for his support - cause there's been none!). He is going to be furious at me though, as am due to start a big project on Monday, and I won't receive the formal offer till mid-week - looks really bad on them if I drop out partway through or right at the start (depending on how boss wants to play it). Of course that's not my problem, other than I do still feel bad about it, and I think he'll probably make life hard for me in terms of the actual resignation conversation....

Anyway here is the letter:

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of xxxx at xxxx.

I have come to the conclusion in recent weeks that, ultimately, consultancy is not the right match for me on a personal level. I have increasingly struggled to adapt to the chaotic environment, irregular workload patterns, and unrealistically high expectations placed on me as a new starter, with no direct job training provided to me since I started the role. I have therefore accepted an industry role within the [sector removed] sector, which I believe will be a better fit for me and my skillset going forward.

As per the terms of my employment contract, I will continue to work for the company for the next 4 weeks, completing my employment on December xx 2015. However, I would be open to discussions around working a shorter notice period, should you feel fit, given that I will no longer be in a position to see through the ongoing project at xxxx for its full duration. I do sincerely apologise for the bad timing in this respect; however, I was genuinely not anticipating an offer to be extended at the time I first committed to the project. I know it's my right to hand in my notice at any time, but a definite case of bad timing here all the same...

I wish to express my appreciation for the support proffered to me – in particular by xxx and xxx – over my time at xxx. While I have decided that consultancy is not right for me personally, I do sincerely wish everyone all the best in their future endeavours.

Kind regards,

Lady

Any advice from you nest of vipers lovely ladies on the below letter and how to handle him if he gets lary about the project would be gratefully received...

You've offered fantastic advice before, for which I really was very grateful.

LadyShirazz Sat 07-Nov-15 09:01:34

Oops - the sentence 'I know it's my right to hand in my notice at any time, but a definite case of bad timing here all the same...' was not supposed to be in the letter, but as part of the post to you guys.

fuzzywuzzy Sat 07-Nov-15 09:05:13

Noooooo I'd write a generic notice letter (also experienced bullying in my last place of work).

Dear X

Please accept this letter as formal notice of my resignation, with effect from XX/XX/XXXX.

In accordance with my contract of employment I am happy to continue to work my notice period until XX/XX/XXXX.

While I believe that I am moving for good reasons, I am sorry to leave, and I thank you for your support during my time with the company, which I have found enjoyable and fulfilling.

Yours sincerely

Do not go into details, do not take this as a chance to air your grievances. Be careful who you step on on your way up.

whathavewedonenow99 Sat 07-Nov-15 09:05:52

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of xxxx at xxxx.

Kind Regards

Lady

Just this, you do not need to give a reason for a resignation.

anotherbloomingusername Sat 07-Nov-15 09:06:47

I think you're explaining too much and leaving yourself vulnerable to attacks from the boss. You don't have to apologize for the timing of your resignation, and you certainly shouldn't admit culpability. You also don't have to explain why you are resigning or that a new job will be a better fit. Harsh as it sounds, they don't care why you're leaving.

I would just tell him that you resign, and that your final date will be X, and if you want the best wishes, etc. Keep it simple.

PuntasticUsername Sat 07-Nov-15 09:07:39

I haven't read your previous threads, but I think your letter sounds very professional. If he kicks off at you about the project, I just wouldn't engage - don't give him any hooks to hang a guilt trip on! It's not your problem any more.

CinderellaRockefeller Sat 07-Nov-15 09:08:34

Don't do it. You gain nothing, they won't listen and it could come back to bite you. What if your old boss and the new boss are in the same cycling club? Or play golf together. It's a small world and always better to keep your cards close to your chest.

RoseWithoutAThorn Sat 07-Nov-15 09:12:57

I'd keep it short and sweet. fuzzy's version is probably what I'd submit but I wouldn't put in the last paragraph. As others have said I think you're leaving yourself vulnerable to further attacks from him if you submit your version.

Chottie Sat 07-Nov-15 09:13:20

Be neutral and do not send your original letter. You never know what the future holds.

ICanSeeForMiles Sat 07-Nov-15 09:13:44

Oh dear God, do not give them that letter.
Simple, to the point, and no other information. If they have an exit interview, you can air your grievances there, but keep them factual and on point. Nothing about how you feel it's not a good fit for you.

TheWitTank Sat 07-Nov-15 09:13:53

Agree it's just too much. A very basic letter with your leaving date will be sufficient (you don't owe them anything else!).

Fuckitfay Sat 07-Nov-15 09:15:27

Am I the only one who would tell him in person and then confirm in writing?

AyeAmarok Sat 07-Nov-15 09:16:59

Nooo, take out paragraph two and three. Neither are necessary.

Good luck on your new job! Sounds very interesting.

Noeuf Sat 07-Nov-15 09:17:11

All I would read is its not a good fit for you and the rest would be blah blah as its not exactly damning. So I'm not sure why you are writing the letter?
Either very brief as per pp (what I would do) or at least be honest a about it.

ilovesooty Sat 07-Nov-15 09:17:12

Basic letter stating your resignation with intended last day of work.

BondJayneBond Sat 07-Nov-15 09:17:47

No, I wouldn't send him that letter.

I'd keep it short and to the point with no mention of your grievances. No point giving him an opening to attack you and try and turn it all round so it's your fault instead of his.

Fuzzywuzzy's letter is good.

rageagainsttheBIL Sat 07-Nov-15 09:18:02

No don't do this!

Good to get it out here, but please send something generic.

LadyShirazz Sat 07-Nov-15 09:18:40

Thanks all!!

I'll just do a "bare bones" letter in that case.

He is the type who will want to know every why and wherefore though, and is quite demanding, so need to prepare to stave off attacks and handle the conversation professionally. I was just thinking to say something along the lines of "I don't really see the point in doing a post-mortem - I just feel this is not the right fit for either of us long-term"....?

With the project - I do feel bad, though I probably shouldn't. I actually wasn't expecting to get the role, as felt I'd fluffed the second interview (had a cold at the time) - so it came as a nice surprise yesterday! But also with a sense of "oh crap - boss is going to go apeshit at me".

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of xxxx at xxxx.

I have come to the conclusion in recent weeks that, ultimately, consultancy is not the right match for me on a personal level. I have therefore accepted an industry role within the insurance fraud sector.

As per the terms of my employment contract, I will continue to work for the company for the next 4 weeks, completing my employment on December xx 2015. However, I would be open to discussions around working a flexible notice period, should you deem it fit.

I wish to express my appreciation for the support proffered to me – in particular by xxx and xxx – over my time at xxx. I sincerely wish everyone all the best in their future endeavours.

Kind regards,

Lady

AyeAmarok Sat 07-Nov-15 09:18:45

Well you could maybe leave this bit in:

"As per the terms of my employment contract, I will continue to work for the company for the next 4 weeks, completing my employment on December xx 2015. However, I would be open to discussions around working a shorter notice period, should you feel fit, given that I will no longer be in a position to see through the ongoing project at xxxx for its full duration."

But none of the rest.

PegsPigs Sat 07-Nov-15 09:19:01

I hope it's been cathartic writing it but as others say, just say you're resigning and when you think your last day is, but invite him to shorten the period as appropriate.

ToastedOrFresh Sat 07-Nov-15 09:19:05

Yup, I agree with the poster/s who advise that the resignation letter should be short and to the point.

I've always delighted in giving my boss a deliberately brief and to the point resignation letter. Why ? Because that's what suits ME.

You can tell your boss verbally what you really think, if you choose. Save it for the exit interview if you get one.

AyeAmarok Sat 07-Nov-15 09:20:32

Sorry, X-posted with everyone there, this thread is moving too quick!

Littleallovertheshop Sat 07-Nov-15 09:21:18

Don't do it - what if you want to go back to consultancy in the future, no matter how unlikely it seems?

LadyShirazz Sat 07-Nov-15 09:22:17

Fay - I will do a face to face first.

Just wary as he will really push me to give concrete reasons why. Maybe I should just say "I don't have anything to add" over than consultancy not being the right fit ad nauseum till he gives up?

emotionsecho Sat 07-Nov-15 09:22:32

As tempting as it is to write something to indicate your dissatisfaction with the role or the company it won't help you or make them see the error of their ways. Also, your letter gives your boss a chance to read between the lines and will leave you open to difficult questions which you would struggle not to respond to, it sounds as if you are apologising for not being good enough which will only make him feel his behaviour was justified.

Just write a very short generic resignation letter as whathave suggests with the addition of leaving date, it's really not worth it to say any more.

If HR want to do an exit interview with you that could be the time to say some of what you have said in your version of your resignation letter.

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