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To think that I am clearly an unlikeable person as people don't warm to me and are less nice to me than they are to others?

(151 Posts)
PinkAndWhiteWafers Fri 06-Nov-15 20:44:53

Title is self explanatory really.

I have friends and get invited to things but everyone seems to warm to me less than they do to others, and whilst people are all lovely and nicey nice to others, I never get that treatment from them and they are abrupt with me. I am a quietly spoken person, I'm not loud or gobby or abrupt, I'm kind and gentle with how I speak to others yet I get spoken to like dirt.

It has just happened to me tonight on Facebook. I did a status about having the heating on today as it's cold (yes, boring I know). Someone who is always very nice and lovely to others posted a really abrupt reply, just in a tone as though she finds me irritating. Actually that's the tone lots of people speak to me in; irritation.

I have tried treating people as they treat me and all it meant was that friends stopped talking to me. No one actually seems bothered about my feelings.

tiredvommachine Fri 06-Nov-15 20:49:01

That reads quite sadly pink.
I don't have an answer for you but I do feel for you if that's how you're made to feel.
Is it your social circle, do you think?

PinkAndWhiteWafers Fri 06-Nov-15 20:51:05

I don't know because I know people from all different places rather than one large group IYKWIM and all of these people are nice to the others.

PinkAndWhiteWafers Fri 06-Nov-15 20:55:55

Another FB related thing but it was recently my birthday. On my wall I just got messages saying "Happy birthday" or "HBTY", no kisses, no niceness. Whilst others get things like "Happy birthday lovely lady have a fantastic day". It's like no one values me.

Notagainmun Fri 06-Nov-15 20:57:25

Is it possible you are lacking in confidence and reading more into things than are really there? My DH and best friend are often pointing it out to me.

tiredvommachine Fri 06-Nov-15 20:57:40

I'm not downplaying your feelings but had anyone else commented on this?
Is there anyone out of your friends you could ask to see if it was noticeable to others how you were being spoken to?

U2HasTheEdge Fri 06-Nov-15 20:58:22

Same here.

I am lovely. Really, I am! But not many people get me at all. Men seem to love me (as a friend) but very few women warm to me.

I have no idea what I do wrong. I'm kind, generous, fun and I don't offend people. I think my lack of confidence shines through though.

AlwaysHope1 Fri 06-Nov-15 20:58:30

What did Your friend say? Are you sure it was an irritation type tone.
How do family members treat you?

U2HasTheEdge Fri 06-Nov-15 21:00:30

Or maybe we do actually read into things too much as a PP said above?

PinkAndWhiteWafers Fri 06-Nov-15 21:00:51

Yes it was definitely an irritated tone. She always speaks to me like that as if I'm stupid and irritate her.

Family are fine with me.

timelytess Fri 06-Nov-15 21:01:37


Blueflavourpandapops Fri 06-Nov-15 21:02:32

Hello there Wafers. I am a long time mn lurker, coming out of the woodwork to say....I frequently feel like this in social situations. I suffer from social anxiety and have done since childhood, I have a nice, supportive group of friends now after
feeling alienated through my educational year due to bullying. Now though, I still feel 'pangs' of discomfort when around others even now. Not trying to hijack, but could something like this have influenced how you interprete social situations?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 06-Nov-15 21:02:50

I used to feel a bit like this. I realised I was friends with people who were alpha female types while I ran along behind them

Now have lots of friends who actually respect me and treat me as equal and it is much more satisfying. I used to be a people pleaser but now think about whether people please me before I spend time with them.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 06-Nov-15 21:03:04

Maybe it's an age thing

tiredvommachine Fri 06-Nov-15 21:05:09

U2 and pink

Balls to them.

thequickbrownfox Fri 06-Nov-15 21:06:41

OP, your Facebook friend sounds like a rude cow. flowers

whatlifestylechoice Fri 06-Nov-15 21:07:19

I don't know you at all, so please don't take this the wrong way, but are you a but of a whinger in general? Someone I know talks a lot about how shit their life/everything is and while I was sympathetic before, I've lost all patience with her self-pitying ways now, and do find myself being quite abrupt with her. A lot of the time I just want to shake her and shout "cheer the fuck up". She doesn't have any MH problems as far as I know, just likes a good whinge.

Yika Fri 06-Nov-15 21:08:40

Really sorry to hear that, that sounds hurtful.

Firstly, if this syndrome is noticeable on Facebook, avoid it (for a while).

Secondly, I think I would pick them up on it (not on facebook but if if happens face to face).

'Ouch, that was a bit curt.'
'Ha ha, you don't mince your words, do you'.

Just to let them know you've noticed (but without retaliating). They shouldn't get away with it.

In the meantime, treat yourself as you know you deserve! Hope you did actually have a great birthday! flowers

PinkAndWhiteWafers Fri 06-Nov-15 21:12:21

gosh no, not a whinger at all. I try to be upbeat and positive. Whingers seem to get all of the sympathy and niceness.

DIYandEatCake Fri 06-Nov-15 21:17:08

I get where you're coming from. I'm an introvert and socially awkward and I find that sometimes I try a bit hard and come across a bit odd probably, and I find it hard to make proper friends. I was bullied for years as a child/teenager - probably because of being awkward - and it had a lasting effect on my confidence. Is this a long term thing for you or something you've noticed recently?
I've been much happier since I made the conscious decision to just accept myself the way I am and stop trying to be like other more outgoing people. Quiet people can be just as valuable and interesting, and if others sometimes overlook us then that's their loss. Do you have any friendships with like-minded people that you could build on, and get to know them better?
In group situations I realised that nerves were making me gabble and interrupt people (which is of course annoying) and I've found that since I've concentrated on relaxing, really listening to other people and only talking if I have something interesting to say, I've been responded to a lot better.

RedMapleLeaf Fri 06-Nov-15 21:17:20

Yes it was definitely an irritated tone

Are you sure it was definitely?

SaucyJack Fri 06-Nov-15 21:18:26

Are you quite reserved?

Are you ever gushy/demonstrative with other people?

Maybe you come across as a bit of a cold fish or aloof, and people just reflect that back at you?

PinkAndWhiteWafers Fri 06-Nov-15 21:24:35

Yes I'm warm towards others. I'm not loud but I don't think I come across as a cold fish or as aloof. Perhaps I do try to hard.

DIY your post is very useful, I think I need to try to be more like that.

It was definitely an irritated tone. Think along the lines of "Oh god I can't believe you're cold" whereas other people would get a "Awww sweetie you poor thing being cold, hope you're ok xxxx" from her.

goodnightdarthvader1 Fri 06-Nov-15 21:28:08

There's a similar thread going in chat. I completely sympathise OP. As an asocial soul I also find it hard to maintain friendships.

U2HasTheEdge Fri 06-Nov-15 21:28:36

OP, want to get together? grin

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