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Was the man in the wheelchair BU?

(213 Posts)
VulvaVoom Fri 06-Nov-15 15:24:34

I'm only mentioning his wheelchair because I guess it's relevant to how people responded to him.

We were in a small cafe in a park late yesterday pm waiting for some child friendly 'fireworks' - it was a laser show thing.

Me my DM and DD got there really early and got a hot drink. A man came in, in a wheelchair that he was maneuvering himself by using his foot.

From a brief chat we had with him it seemed like he could have had something like cereal palsy but obviously I don't know.

When a BBQ gazebo area was set up outside, he left his takeaway drink on the table and went outside. The cafe started to get really busy and a group of people, several mums with about 6 children took the table next to 'his'.

Anyway he comes back in and shouts to the women to move his table back and away from the children as he was saying his drink would get spilled.

The mums were shocked at the outburst but moved the table away for him anyway.

I wouldn't have bothered posting but he did it about another 3 times to other people who dared to sit at his table. Even though he was outside, so it was a 'free' table. He wasn't even particularly nice about it but I noticed people were really quick to move even if their children had just sat down. Should they have? I felt annoyed on their behalf and felt he was being quite rude.

goodnightdarthvader1 Fri 06-Nov-15 15:31:21

Sounds like a mardy twat, but I'm sure MN jury will think he should be given 5000 miles of slack because he's disabled, or maybe he has a MH condition as well as a physical disability, so you're totally BU to judge him, or some other rubbish.

Why was he so precious about 'his' table?

howabout Fri 06-Nov-15 15:36:14

YABU
How would you have felt if he had just have barged himself and his wheelchair into the crowded table of children?

I don't make a habit of just plonking myself and DC down at other people's cafe tables whether inside or out. However I have experienced others doing this to me if I am out alone - I am not a wheelchair user. Doesn't sound like the mothers were exhibiting good manners or controlling their DC in a crowded environment. If the man under scrutiny in your post had to stand his ground 4 times while you were watching I am not surprised he was rude and abrupt.

manicinsomniac Fri 06-Nov-15 15:43:06

Hard to say.

Maybe YANBU

But, I think (disclaimer: I am not sure, I am no saying I'm an expert and I'm not trying to offend anyone with CP) that Cerebral Palsy can cause difficulty in regulating volume and tone of voice. He may not have been as angry as he sounded.

goodnightdarthvader1 Fri 06-Nov-15 15:44:22

Doesn't sound like the mothers were exhibiting good manners or controlling their DC in a crowded environment. If the man under scrutiny in your post had to stand his ground 4 times

What are you basing that on? The fact that there were other people in his vicinity?

PalcumTowder Fri 06-Nov-15 15:45:03

People weren't plonking themselves down at "his" table, I read hat as hey we're just next to his table and he was being precious about his table being knocked. I think he was BU.

goodnightdarthvader1 Fri 06-Nov-15 15:46:04

other people's cafe tables whether inside or out

He left the cafe, the table was free. How were they to know his drink wasn't an empty / discarded drink?

MiscellaneousAssortment Fri 06-Nov-15 15:46:08

What do you want people to say OP?

People in wheelchairs are people. And people can be all sorts of different people, yes? Being in a wheelchair doesn't suddenly make someone slot into an easy stereotype with accompanying rules and social norms. A lot of people may want that to happen, may expect that to happen, may get riled when that doesn't happen... But that doesn't make it ok.

People in wheelchairs can be rich, poor, polite, rude, kind, selfish, or anything else able bodied people can be too.

If other people like their interactions with wheelchair users to confirm the usual stereotypes they want to apply to wheelchair users, and then don't know how to react when a disabled person fails to follow the script... Well, so what?

If you take the wheelchair out of the story, and refuse to go down the lazy stereotyping route, what's actually happened? A man expected to keep a table even in a busy place? Really? I can't really get the point here? Mildly rude, whatever, move on.

PurpleDaisies Fri 06-Nov-15 15:52:55

People in wheelchairs are not immune from being arses. He sounds like a right grump-if I'm picturing this right you would have had to have been a mind reader to know he didn't want to to sit on the table next to his, which he didn't have any right to request anyway (if you'd taken "his" table I could understand it a bit more even though it would still have been unreasonable if there wasn't any indication he was using it).

MackerelOfFact Fri 06-Nov-15 15:53:46

I guess that since he needed to manoeuvre his chair with his foot, his ability to use his hands was probably impaired in some way, meaning perhaps he needed a stable, flat surface to be able to drink his drink.

However, being disabled doesn't usually impair manners, so he could've been a bit nicer about it.

Pseudo341 Fri 06-Nov-15 15:55:28

YANBU he was being an arsehole. I have a giant electric wheelchair and need people to give me a lot of room to manoeuvre. I'm always very polite about asking people to move if I need them to. I need people to make special allowances for me and give me more room, I do not have any more right to be anywhere than anyone else though.

MiscellaneousAssortment Fri 06-Nov-15 15:57:51

^MN jury will think he should be given 5000 miles of slack because he's disabled^

No, they wouldn't actually, if by mumsnet jury you mean the people who have experience of disability directly or indirectly, and who are forced into the role of advocate and teacher for the ignorance that pops up regularly...

Disabled people are people. Society makes life really difficult and you don't know someone's private medical history and difficulties, so it's generally the mark of a nice person.

And of course, when you are not 'nice' disabled people generally will be impacted more (like the wanker who saw me moving slowly so pushed in front, healthy person gets annoyed/ late etc, disabled person collapses as I couldn't stand up for long enough for the wanker to finish), so basically, you want to know how to behave? Behave well. That's it.

But generally, don't put disabled people on pedestals or decide rules don't apply to them just because they're disabled. It's insulting. Not civilised, caring or liberal.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 06-Nov-15 15:59:29

Well he couldn't jump back easily from a hot drink if it was spilt so i think YABU

OurBlanche Fri 06-Nov-15 16:05:02

Huh? So a few different groups of people should have been able to guess that a disabled man was using an empty table... when he wasn't there, left no note and there was no sign, flashing neon or otherwise, saying "Reserved"?

Disabled or not, he was rude. And the expectations of some here are weird. How often do you leave an empty table empty, just in case someone, with or without a disability, may have just popped out to somewhere else?

Ah, that would be never! Cos you just don't! An empty table is an empty table. And a possible empty cup/container isn't a reserved sign!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 06-Nov-15 16:09:24

MN is extra full of the milk of human kindness today.

ouryve Fri 06-Nov-15 16:09:50

Anybody can be a twat. Disability doesn't take that away. A lifetime of pain and/or frustration can sometimes make people grumpier, in fact.

MythicalKings Fri 06-Nov-15 16:10:06

He was a grumpy git. Some people are in or out of wheelchairs.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 06-Nov-15 16:11:08

Yes he was grumpy. But who knows why. Starting a thread about it just seems mean spirited.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 06-Nov-15 16:21:40

"he left his takeaway drink on the table and went outside."

"he [shouted] about another 3 times to other people who dared to sit at his table. Even though he was outside, so it was a 'free' table."^

Of course he was being unreasonable. He was outside, it was no longer 'his' table.

MiscellaneousAssortment Fri 06-Nov-15 16:24:00

I think this thread is supposed to go:

- Disabled man was shit
- Disabled man is excused from everything
- Battle royale ensues

It may still happen but only if the vast majority of posts are ignored, the ones saying
"yup he sounded rude but what's that got to do with his wheelchair?"

Cos beneath all the riling, that's all there is. Man is rude. The end.

goodnightdarthvader1 Fri 06-Nov-15 16:25:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 06-Nov-15 16:26:17

i think so goodnight, certainly at the moment with certain posters being obnoxious and arsey all over the shop

AlwaysHope1 Fri 06-Nov-15 16:29:05

Yanbu he was absolutely rude. If he wants tolerance he needs to show it himself AS well.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 06-Nov-15 16:29:30

" If he wants tolerance"

wtf?

Caprinihahahaha Fri 06-Nov-15 16:35:07

How in the holy hell is anyone able to judge what was going on. It sounds like a gaggle of too many people trying to sit down and one bloke being pissed off about it.
I experience this weekly at sporting events but never try to work out the motivation of any of the individual pissed off punters .

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