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pregnant, husband drinking

(9 Posts)
24hourM0MMY Fri 06-Nov-15 13:52:46

I'm 38 weeks, asked husband to stop drinking at around 35 weeks, but he refused. He's having beers every day, and when I tell him his drinking everyday is unacceptable, he says h's NOT drinking everyday, except he is! Every single day, anywhere from 2 to 6 beers, everyday. He won't get out of bed in the mornings to help me get our DS ready for school (I pack his lunch, while he gets him dressed and fed, fair isn't it? Since, I can't walk without pain from spd and swollen feet). He drinks and is lethargic, mean, and unhelpful the next morning.

So I've started tossing out his beers in the fridge. I've hurled them out the back door every time I find them in the house. Maybe I'm being hormonal, but it us unreasonable to go completely off the racks about the drinking now, After I've asked him to stop so that he can be relied on for when I go into labour and also his responsibilities with DS and around the house? So, so, so sick of the drinking.

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal Fri 06-Nov-15 14:12:18

er...

I think you might want to get this moved to "relationships".

You aren't being hormonal, your DP is being a total twat. Was he like this during the first pregnancy as well? Does he have any saving graces whatsoever?

TattyDevine Fri 06-Nov-15 14:13:19

You won't be able to make him stop, he has to want to.

So you either have to have a amnesty where you just turn a complete blind eye to his drinking and get on with things without him and at least have a nice atmosphere because you aren't constantly battling this issue but are just accepting of it (you don't have to actually facilitate it by buying it or anything, just completely let it be up to him and say absolutely nothing), OR, you ask him to leave as you want a trial separation because you don't want to be with a drinker and he is no "use" to you anyway, only a hindrance.

I honestly feel its one or the other - you either accept he is a drinker and everything that goes with it, or you don't accept it and you put him out. If he's willing to change, putting him out may be a catalyst for change, but accept also that it may not be.

ilovesooty Fri 06-Nov-15 14:13:40

He doesn't work then?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 06-Nov-15 14:17:31

What did you think was going to happen? I'm not going to ask why you got pregnant to a selfish, lazy alcohol abuser but did you think he'd magically snap out of it? I actually would advise not to throw away his beers as he may well get nasty/physical when he realises you have done it.

trulybadlydeeply Fri 06-Nov-15 14:28:13

Sadly only he can make the decision to stop drinking, and it sounds like he's not going to.

You say he won't get out of bed in the morning - what time does he eventually get up? What are his working hours? What was he like during your first pregnancy, did he drink as much then?

It sounds like it is quite possible that he will not be able to drive you to hospital once you go into labour - can you arrange for another family member or friend to be on standby? I am also wondering if you need to make other arrangements for DS, if his Dad is not likely to be able to get him up in the morning, or may be inebriated later in the day.

he's got to work out what's more important to him - his family or alcohol. However you cannot just sit back and wait forever for him to decide this.

24hourM0MMY Fri 06-Nov-15 14:31:53

Obsidian, i'm aware of my own stupidity. He has always been a drinker, but he has gotten worse over the years. Unreasonable, in denial.
I probably shouldn't touch his beers, but I'm out of stream now, just full of rage.

He does work, he is 'fortunate' to be in a position where he works from home though. Do not only do I have to watch him drink everyday, he is in the house in my face ALL day long as well.

Cloppysow Fri 06-Nov-15 14:38:35

He's not going to stop. Throwing out his beer means he'll buy more.

Either you accept his drinking or ask him to leave. He clearly doesn't see his drinking as a problem and until he does, he won't stop. Maybe the threat of losing his family will make him see it, maybe it won't. Either way, you have to stop exposing your child to it.

goodnightdarthvader1 Fri 06-Nov-15 14:47:27

What cloppy said. You appear to have procreated (twice) with an alcoholic asshole. Throw him out, never mind the beers.

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