(Name changed for exactly the reasons I'm talking about....)
My son was recently sexually abused by a new au pair. I'm talking about the level that could theoretically mean a life sentence for the abuser (although we know how likely that is...) The only upside is that my son told us very quickly.
He is a victim of crime. It is in no way his fault (obviously) - any more that it would be the 'fault' of a child with a serious physical illness.
If it was a sudden, serious physical illness, he'd not only get immediate treatment on the NHS, but the "narrative" would be about how "brave" he is. There would be no stigma about people knowing. Charities provide trips, visits, celebrations of recovery. Instead, we have to tell him "You did everything right, it's not your fault - but don't tell people" - what sort of mixed message is that...?
He now has severe and worsening anxiety - understandably. To get any treatment, we have to have agreement from the police (which we have been given). The waiting lists for NHS help are ridiculous and our GP said it wasn't effective anyway. I've had to find my own therapist for him (and ihat's not easy) - and pay for it (which I'd be happy to do a thousand times over - but not everyone can do that). It's made even harder because a huge % of therapists won't take a child on pre-trial (and the trial is probably a long long way off - we haven't even got the international arrest warrant issued yet, despite what has now emerged as multiple complaints from different counties in the UK, and the police being aware he's been trying to find another job as an au pair since).
There are lots of charities for adult survivors - but hardly anything for children. Why? Why does there have to be all the secrecy? He has done nothing wrong, and everything right. I'm trying to make sure he knows that.
Where though, are the resources? I used to work as a fundraiser and I know how utterly disproportionate funds raised are vs actual needs. High profile causes get publicity, which leads to more resources. How do you therefore get the resources to help if everything has to be hushed up all the time.
Sorry if this has become a ramble. I'm angry, and whilst most of my anger is obviously against the abuser, I'm also getting angrier about the system, especially for those children who cant get the help they need, when they need it...
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AIBU to wonder where the support is for children's mental health vs physical...
7 replies
Anon8641 · 05/11/2015 10:12
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