Another in-law thread!!!
I have never really got on great with DHs in-laws. I love their son, but he is different to them, and over the years is realising that they are not as fabulous as they think they are. Part of the problems I've had with them is, as I have been repeatedly been told by them, is that I don't do things the way they would, and if I do things my way they see it as a slight on them.
So anyway, I sense trouble brewing, and I just wanted to check if my approach (which DH agrees with) is reasonable in more impartial people's eyes.
DH and I both have siblings who got married in the past year. DHs sibling is now expecting their first child. We have 3 kids, and are done having our family. We spoke with his sibling and said that if they liked, we'd go through all our baby things and pass on equipment and clothes to them. They jumped at this, and said they'd take everything. I said I'd put together a list of what they were welcome to have, and to let me know whatever they wanted off of that.
The thing is, I don't want to give everything to DHs sibling, as I have a sibling who would also like to have kids, and a year isn't a long time for it not to have happened yet, and I'd also like to be able to pass on some things to them.
So this is what I planned (In fairness to DH, he agreed with what I suggested too):
- Anything my parents bought for our kids, I keep to pass on to my sibling's kids
- Anything DHs parents bought, I pass on to DHs sibling.
- Anything we bought we roughly split, and I don't mind if DHs sibling gets more as her baby will be born first, and who knows what will happen for my sibling.
- Big equipment like cot and changing table, we give to DHs sibling.
I thought this was a great deal for DHs sibling. They get the big items and clothes that we bought, and anything her parents bought for our kids.
But trouble's brewing. They've asked about our travel system. I explained my parents bought that for us before DC1 was born, and that I'd like to hang on to it in case my sibling would like it one day. I thought that explanation would be enough, but since that conversation, twice we've been told about how expensive travel systems are, and MIL has also asked about us giving DHs sibling ours.
The other thing is, my parents adore our kids. They're very hands-on grandparents, and my kids have a fabulous relationship with them. My parents are very fortunate to be able to buy them lovely clothes, and my Mum has bought them fabulous things over the years that DH and I are really appreciative of.
My ILs have been less-so like this. They used to buy clothes for our kids, but in the past few years,rarely do. They have other grandkids that they do buy for, just not ours.
Since finding out about the baby, ILs have been talking about the lovely clothes that our kids have, and how they'll be passed on to the baby. But they won't. My Mum bought them, for my kids, and if any other child is going to wear them, then it should be another of her grandchildren. They're even talking about getting the clothes my Mum knitted for my kids, which seems really grabby to me, as they are really special to me.
Is what I was planning unreasonable?