AIBU to be absolutely furious with DH who threw out 'some old children's books' he found stacked in the shed that I'd kept since childhood?

[Workingfromhome200]

I had about 100 children's books that I'd kept from my own childhood (my late grandmother had read them to me as a kid, others were classics) as well as various books of my own children's that I'd read to them as well. They are now too old for them so I had put them away in the garage for when I have my own grandchildren to read to. DH, who hates any form of clutter, had found them and little by little, been throwing them in the recycling bin, a few books at a time. I discovered this by accident when I was looking through the paper recycling looking for a receipt that might be in a box in there. I was devastated and furious all at once. I phoned him at work and asked him and he took ages to admit it because he has form in this area. Three years ago I had run out of room in my wardrobe and placed some winter clothes in a chest. He went to put some of his own things in the chest, there was no room so go took 'some old clothes there' and put them in the bin outside. I found them a day later when I took out the rubbish, and he promised never to do it again. Don't worry, I am not a hoarder or anything, but we do live in a small 3-bedroom house. But he didn't ask and I think it's just so disrespectful and arrogant not to check. Of course, he's very sorry about what he's done but I have told him not to come home tonight. I am too cross. What makes it worse is that there was one book he didn't throw away because he knew that it was my favourite from childhood (The Lorax from Dr Suess, I was always reading it to our kids when they were little). that tells me he knew what he was doing was sneaky and wrong.

[Jackie0]

What a horrible thoughtless thing to do. I would be furious .

[welliesandleaves]

I would be absolutely raging. What a stupid thoughtless thing to do.

Apart from the fact that he should never have got rid of any of your stuff without checking, how could anyone throw out lovely old books? I can't understand that. Yes, pass them on to someone else or give them to a charity shop. But having so little value on lovely old books, some that have been handed down through generations, is really shallow and awful.

[helenahandbag]

It would be one thing if he just dumped the whole box out but the fact that he has been doing it bit by bit shows that he knew exactly what he was doing. I'd be pissed off too, it's so disrespectful.

[JeffsanArsehole]

Yes, I'd be furious

And I would be replacing like for like (so the same edition) from eBay out of household money

[Workingfromhome200]

they were irreplacable. For example, I had all those tiny Beatrix Potter books from my late grandmother who I adored. I have fond memories of her reading to me about Peter Rabbit and I wanted to do the same for my own grandchildren. I'm probably more gutted than I should be because of what they represent. But also because he could do that and think it was ok.

[SlaggyIsland]

You're not more gutted than you should be. The Beatrix Potter books are absolutely magical, and the fact that they were from your grandmother must mean they are priceless in terms of their value to you.
I obviously don't know what your DH is like the rest of the time but the absolute crass thoughtlessness of what he has done is deeply upsetting. And the fact that he was so sneaky about it.... it would feel actually really malicious to me.

[AlwaysHope1]

Yanbu, apart from being very special to you he should be asking in the vey first place!!
I often do a cleanup of old stuff but I always ask before I pass them on. It's so disrespectful to just go ahead and do that.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

I don't like clutter but still wouldn't get rid of DH's stuff without discussion. I'd encourage him to go through it, thin it out etc and probably wouldn't want him to keep books in the shed for risk of them being damaged (which is worse to me than just clutter; is damaged clutter).

I don't think you'll change him especially as he's been doing it bit by bit knowing full well how you would react. I'd hire a storage locker and put my stuff in there, well away from his meddling. Not ideal but better than having it thrown out.

[welliesandleaves]

To be honest, it shows a real lack of any kind of appreciation of culture or tradition, and very skewed values. I would be really disappointed in him, apart from anything else.

[BeeRayKay]

Oh thats awful.

Why did he think for one minute that was okay?

My DH hates clutter and is always throwing stuff out, but he runs everything by me first because he knows I attach a lot of sentimentality to stuff.

:-( for you!

[Floggingmolly]

Not unreasonable in the slightest. Horribly disrespectful thing to do

[JeffsanArsehole]

I have replaced all my editions of those Beatrix books (from the 1930s/1950s) from eBay (they were my grandmothers)

Ime only a financial kick in the nuts stops this behaviour. It cost me a couple of hundred to replace mine. It took me over 2 years as well.

[ButEmilylovedhim]

I would be heartbroken too. My old books mean so much to me. The sheer nastiness would mean I would be considering the future with him.

[IKillEveryBloodyThreadIPostOn]

I would have cut his balls off and thrown them into the recycling bin

I have a set of Beatrix Potter books my mum gave me as a child. I Would be devastated if anyone had thrown them away, even if they had replaced them. I totally understand, it's the sentimental value.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I'd fucking kill him.
I would.

DH has form for similar but knows full well that if he EVER does anything like that again he's in serious trouble.

He cleared my car of all the tapes I had in there, left them in a carrier bag, I knew where they were but didn't have the time to sort them immediately; so because I hadn't done it in a couple of days, he binned the lot. Some of them were irreplaceable - including a school concert that I'd been involved in (choral, Mozart Requiem) - incandescent doesn't even touch on how angry I was.

[BastardGoDarkly]

Good lord, that is.... Awful!!?

Wtf did he have to say in his defence?

I'd be furious too, and really really upset, I don't know what to say op, I'm so sorry, what a dick!

[slicedfinger]

I would feel utterly betrayed to be honest. I'm so sad for you. Clothes you can live without but those books are likely irreplaceable.

I hope he recognises the need for a major gesture to make up for it!

[Wineandrosesagain]

OP, I really can't get my head around this - it seems such a spiteful thing to do (sneakily throwing them out bit by bit). Had you recently had an argument and could he have done it as a form of revenge? Sorry, wild speculation on my part but it seems like the sort of thing a small-minded person would do - get petty revenge for anything he resents by throwing a few books away every time you annoy him. And he has dumped your clothes too, just because they were in a cupboard he wanted to use? Blimey, if he were my husband, I would think he didn't like me very much

[Workingfromhome200]

confession: he has a favourite shirt I hate. sorry he had a favourite shirt.

[catfordbetty]

I agree with a pp that the gradual way in which he did it makes it worse. A fit of pique, while no less excusable, is at least understandable. I know that replacing them is not a complete compensation for what you've lost but Abebooks is a very good secondhand bookseller.

[Wineandrosesagain]

[wickedlazy]

He has been an asshole. No wonder you're so annoyed at him! Very disrespectful and malicious.

[TheWatchersCouncil]

Bloody hell.

Arrogant, cruel, spiteful, sneaky, disrespectful, not to be trusted only starts to cover this.

I am so so sorry.

[shovetheholly]

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you've lost these things.

Of course it is not OK for him to throw out your stuff without asking!

It sounds like it's time for a proper conversation about how you manage clutter in the house. The fact that he felt that he couldn't do this openly, but that it upset him enough that he felt the need to do it surreptitiously, speaks of a serious mismatch between your attitudes towards possessions. He sounds like he's the type of person who gets upset by 'stuff', whereas you sound like someone who is emotionally attached to objects and who won't let go. Finding some kind of sane compromise between those very divergent ways of being is going to be important going forward.