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Not giving one niece's kids anything for Christmas.

(13 Posts)
Wotsup Sun 01-Nov-15 21:38:31

My niece and her partner are horrible to my brother and sister-in law and use and abuse them to the max. My brother and his partner is scared of losing sight of their 3 grand-children and give in to any demands all the time. I have never given any money or gifts to them as, according to the family, the gifts are never seen again and who knows where the money goes? They're always skint but can always afford the latest phones and trips out. On the rare occasion my brother and S-I-L are allowed to see the kids they are always dressed shabby. My S-I-L often buys them new clothes when she has them; to help them look half decent but the clothes are never seen again. I know how this is sounding but it's no exaggeration.

Their other daughter had a baby this year and she has a much better relationship with everybody and allows visits and presents without restriction. My brother and S-I-L feel like they are welcome to be grand-parents.

I would like to give the baby some money or a gift for Christmas but can't bring myself to give to the other children.

It sounds so wrong. Has anyone else experienced this dilemma?

HeartShapedBox Sun 01-Nov-15 21:42:46

I don't think you can, not without causing a massive shitstorm.

Wotsup Sun 01-Nov-15 21:47:11

I have never bought for the 3 kids Heart... so they wont be expecting it. Do you think it would upset my brother?

HeartShapedBox Sun 01-Nov-15 21:50:32

I was thinking more of the kids mum going bananas and taking it out on your brother & his partner.

She might see it as favouritism, in a "what's so special about her kid" kind of way.

Wotsup Sun 01-Nov-15 21:53:35

It's awful to see my brother and sil held to ransom like this. I don't want to be part of it.

Chebs Sun 01-Nov-15 21:53:56

Open an account for the children. Birthdays/Xmas etc can be a token amount for each, to be handed over when they are at X age.

No one is offended, the kids will all get something.

Sorka Sun 01-Nov-15 21:55:28

Could you put money into an account for the other kids in place of giving them something directly? That way they would have something when they're older and know you were thinking of them, but would actually get to keep what they're given.

Senpai Sun 01-Nov-15 21:58:17

Unfortunately, if they're ok with holding grandchildren hostage, they might cut contact to "put them in their place" if one grandchild receives favoritism.

Can you do it discreetly niecezilla isn't around? I'm sure other niece is not oblivious to how her sister is.

DaylightSnobbery Sun 01-Nov-15 22:08:58

It's not her Dc's fault. If your db and sil are rarely allowed to see them how do they know things aren't worn/used at other times? If I was giving to the baby, I would buy for the others too.

PeaceOfWildThings Sun 01-Nov-15 22:13:46

Parents and grandparents can't show favouritism, but it makes sense for aunts and uncles to go where they feel welcome, give to whoever they choose to.

Instead of giving the gift to the baby at Christmas, perhaps a visit before Christmas, and a thankyou gift for the nice meal/trip out or whatever, would be a way to show appreciation.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 01-Nov-15 22:34:22

You can't leave innocent children out like that. In no way is that ever excusable. Yes adults have their gripes but its not the fault of the children. It's seems to me like you're taking your anger out on them to be honest.
Sorry but in singling children out YABVVVVVU.
I can't bring myself to give to any of the other children. It won't hurt you I promise.
However if you do decide to take your anger out on them, prepare for a massive possible irreparable family fued. The parents will go nuclear and you can't blame them op, any parent would do.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 01-Nov-15 22:38:01

She might see it as favoritism. In a what's so special about her kid kind of way. Yeah well if she's human absolutely she will. Which is only natural. Of course she'll be thinking might even say it. What the fucks the matter with my child. I would do you would do, even op would do.

MummySparkle Sun 01-Nov-15 22:42:13

Could you get your other great-nieces & nephews a gift that is personalised? I'm trying to think of ways they definitely get to keep the presents. Doesn't have to be anything big, maybe a set of pens with their names on in a pencil case (don't know whether that's age appropriate) But yes, get the baby whatever you fancy

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