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Been told I'm spoiling my DC for Xmas, come tell me if I'm BU

(62 Posts)
CheekyChapsCheer Sun 01-Nov-15 21:06:22

I'm going to be spending more on my DC this year than I have in previous years. We're a 2 income house since I've gone back to work so we have more disposable income than since we've had the DC.
I'll probably be spending about £80 on each child, plus little bits like new pj's and choc selection boxes and that sort of thing, they are 5 and 7.
Old friend (went to uni together) said I'm spoiling them. She is crocheting and knitting a hat and scarf for her DC and getting them one book and one toy each, spending less than £20 each.
The thing is that she has a massive, well off family. Her DC get an embarrassment of gifts each year from GPs, aunts, uncles. We used to spend Boxing lunch together so I have a good idea of what their family Xmas looks like, its basically ToysRUs in her living room and her DC have a blast.

On the other hand, my DC have my parents and no one else, so they receive far fewer gifts. I don't feel too bad buying them a few toys rather than just one thing because I know they'll love them, know they'll be well treated and know they'll be thankful for them. Plus we can afford it, tbh we could afford more now I'm working but don't want to go OTT and might as well keep it relatively small before the expensive teenage years!

Anyway, to cut a long story short I politely pointed this out to her and she said I was jealous and spoiling the DC to make up it. The conversation didn't go well.
So AIBU?

toccata010 Sun 01-Nov-15 21:08:12

Why is she your friend?

multivac Sun 01-Nov-15 21:08:44

Gosh, you two chums must have a whale of a time together!

multivac Sun 01-Nov-15 21:09:12

You do sound like a good match, tbf.

LindyHemming Sun 01-Nov-15 21:09:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FernieB Sun 01-Nov-15 21:09:45

YANBU. If you can afford it and are happy to spend it then that's fine. You do what's right for you. Sounds like she's just saying that as she's judging everyone else's spending by her own limit. Each to their own.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Sun 01-Nov-15 21:12:45

She sounds like a dick. And multivac, why the cattiness?

Pipestheghost Sun 01-Nov-15 21:15:45

Tell her to mind her own business.

ZeldaTheWindBreaker Sun 01-Nov-15 21:19:14

No, £80 of gifts does not = spoiled children

Nor would £500 gifts necessarily = spoiled children.

Children are spoiled when they are at an age to show appreciation but do not show appreciation for what they are given. They're spoiled when they kick off at you for refusing to buy them a thing that they have demanded. Do you expect your children to act like this on Christmas day after receiving £80 worth of gifts? How about if you were to give them £1000 worth of presents? Would they demand more and more and more?

It's perfectly possible for children to be financially well off, get lots of stuff at Christmas, yet not be spoiled.

Sounds like you two have very strong and opposing views on Christmas purchases. Perhaps make a mutual agreement to no longer discuss money and Christmas in the same thread of conversation?

CheekyChapsCheer Sun 01-Nov-15 21:20:27

I know, its weird. We've always been really open together. When we get together we always spend time with our kids together, maybe a trip out then usually a cup of tea, a natter and which usually comes round to 'so what are your Xmas plans this year?' conversation.

It all kicked off when I said what I was planning on buying. She has never commented on my DC gifts before so i it was totally unexpected. We've never had a cross word before so I eas totally taken aback and probably didn't handle it too well.

I just don't think I'm going overboard on presents. Its a shopkins set each, a decent 2 wheel scooter each, a doll each and some doll accessories, comes to about £80 each.

No idea how to fix it now, we've never fallen out before and we met in 1998!

ilovechristmas123 Sun 01-Nov-15 21:20:48

i dont think you are spoiling and as long as you dont get into debt i dont see the problem

ive always spent about £300 each on my three but theres no dad about and only a nan and grandad,i dont incur any debt and they dont get masses through the year

so im happy with my choice,be happy with yours

Damselindestress Sun 01-Nov-15 21:21:52

She sounds very negative. It is understandable that she would give her DC less since they get more from extended family, it's not jealousy to point that out! I don't think you are spoiling your DC, if you can afford it, go for it! I don't know why a friend would be so critical.

HolgerDanske Sun 01-Nov-15 21:23:37

There is something else going on. Probably dynamic are changing because your situation has changed. People tend to like friends to stay in the boxes they've mentally put them into.

ghostspirit Sun 01-Nov-15 21:24:52

cheeky seems odd that she is comparing with herself when the situation is different... anyway is no one buisness what you spend on your children weather its 20.00 for 700. your children you do/spend what you like.

im simlar my kids only have me... no realitives to buy for them so its down to me so means i spend alot compared to people with familys

lurkingabit Sun 01-Nov-15 21:27:23

Jealous of your income?

CheekyChapsCheer Sun 01-Nov-15 21:28:45

I'm guessing that unbeknownst to me she's got used to me being her poor friend. Except that now I'm back in work we've moved in to a nicer house, finally replaced our battered car. I genuinely thought she was pleased for us though, we had a new house card with a lovely message inside and a congrats card when I got my job. Maybe there's been more going on than I'm aware of?

HolgerDanske Sun 01-Nov-15 21:30:09

It's common. A lot of people like to have friends they can feel mildly, benevolently superior to.

Leavingsosoon Sun 01-Nov-15 21:31:40

People get weird over Christmas.

I get my DC what they want, although I am not getting a tiger ...

Cloppysow Sun 01-Nov-15 21:32:55

I spend more than £80 per child at christmas. It's the one time of the year when they do get spoiled. Any they deserve it. Making a massive deal of your kids occassionally is totally fine.
I feel a little bit sorry for her kids tbh. When i was little, my mum was skint, but she saved up all year to make christmas a big deal for us. Even then, we knew we were different from the kids with more money. I understand it as an adult, but i couldn't get my head around it as a kid. But even we got more than a scarf and a hat.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Sun 01-Nov-15 21:34:29

I don't think £80 is spoiling them, it's moderate as some spend hundreds and hundreds.

Each to their own, christmas is magical for children. A time they will always look back on and likely shapes how they will do their own Christmases in future.

MumCodes Sun 01-Nov-15 21:35:12

I would MUCH prefer a home crocheted hat to a scooter and other cool stuff. grin

CheekyChapsCheer Sun 01-Nov-15 21:35:34

Cloppy Her DC get plenty its just from family rather than the parents

skankingpiglet Sun 01-Nov-15 21:38:05

Wow, we are going to be really spoiling our DD then. We've spent £120 on her and I'll most likely pick up a few books on top of that. She has no GPs so other than a couple of very small gifts from our close friends and DH's wider family, it'll be all she gets.
You spend what you want if you can afford it. It sounds like there might be other reasons for her comments, either because of a sensitivity of hers towards her own family she's projecting or jealousy (unlikely as you've said she is from a wealthy family).

Zucker Sun 01-Nov-15 21:38:19

She looks at you as the poor friend alright. Know your place OP and a satsuma a piece for the children for Christmas.

Arf at her pointing out she's giving her children a hat and a scarf when she knows full well the children will have more toys than they can shake a stick at!

ShamefulPlaceMarker Sun 01-Nov-15 21:38:42

Do you think she's feeling defensive? It looks like she is simplifying her gift giving as she knows her dparents will go over the top, and is probably looking for unity from her friend, which is silly as you both have different situations?

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