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To be annoyed with our lodger

(72 Posts)
cheapandcheerful Sun 01-Nov-15 18:49:39

Back story:
He's a first year uni student who didn't have uni accommodation sorted so we said he could stay with us short-term until he found somewhere else.
The agreement was that his rent would include food for the following reasons:
1. I find it much easier and economical to just cook for an extra person when I'm cooking every night anyway.
2. I couldn't bear the thought of having to share the kitchen space with someone when we're often on a tight after-school schedule.
3. We don't have loads of cupboard space so would struggle to accommodate all of his shopping were he to be catering for himself.
4. I imagined that a 19-year-old chap wouldn't be the tidiest of creatures and that I would end up either nagging him to tidy up the kitchen after himself or just doing it for him myself a lot.

He has returned from a field trip and announced that he has become a vegetarian.
So suddenly at a minute's notice I have to either change my family's diet or allow him to use our kitchen to cook his own meals.
I know it's a small thing and that he's perfectly entitled to choose this for himself but it is such a pain in the arse and not what I signed up for.

AIBU or do I just need to suck it up?

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 01-Nov-15 18:52:43

Suck it up.

Haffdonga Sun 01-Nov-15 18:53:11

Don't be annoyed. Just knock a bit off his rent and tell him to cater for himself. He'll soon find out that being vegetarian is a commitment that he may not be so interested in making if he has to do the work.

AwfulBeryl Sun 01-Nov-15 18:54:00

Well tbh I think you just need to suck it up, I would anyway. I wouldn't tell an adult who is paying to live in my home as a lodger that he has to eat what I cook for him and can't use the kitchen. I do get where you're coming from though, my kitchen is tiny an I hate having people under my feet in there.
It's short term anyway so it's not forever.
What makes you think he won't be able to tidy up after himself ?

RNBrie Sun 01-Nov-15 18:55:51

How much longer are you expecting him to be with you?

I think I'd say that given that his lifestyle change really isn't compatible with your family lifestyle and it was only a short term arrangement anyway that he has to find somewhere else to live asap

Sighing Sun 01-Nov-15 18:56:06

Short-term? Suck it up. But make it clear to him you realise it's his choice but it's a decision that pacts on you. He needs to learn to tackle issues of shared space better for when he finds student accommodation.

cheapandcheerful Sun 01-Nov-15 18:57:25

Ok, I'll suck it up :D

GiddyOnZackHunt Sun 01-Nov-15 19:04:34

Suck it up until the weekend. Then make bacon sandwiches.
That'll test his resolve.

AwfulBeryl Sun 01-Nov-15 19:11:45

Mmmmm bacon <drools>

lorelei9 Sun 01-Nov-15 19:14:10

I actually wouldn't change his rent- he's made a choice that impacts on the living arrangement.

I would say he has to cook for himself now and give him some cupboard space. Make sure he understands about cleaning up after himself etc.

I don't know why posters are saying he might have issues cooking veggie - I have been veggie when I was young and no issues at all, in fact, cooking was easier in many ways says me who probably bought the wrong cut of meat today so I wouldn't hold out hope of him changing his mind!

he definitely can't expect you to cook for his altered wants though, that would be mad.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Sun 01-Nov-15 19:15:15

If you're on a tight schedule and he isn't, tell him when he can use the kitchen, and that you expect him to leave it in the same state he finds it.
Is there room in his bedroom to store food? In an airtight box there shouldn't be any issues with pests or smells. Obviously fridge/freezer he will need to share your space.

tanukiton Sun 01-Nov-15 19:17:01

Ha ha bring on the bacon and steak! It really depends on what level of veggie he wants to be but you are right that you can t cook for him now.

shinynewusername Sun 01-Nov-15 19:25:00

Agree with NotMe - give him a time slot when he can have the kitchen.

LineyReborn Sun 01-Nov-15 19:30:08

What does he actually expect you to do?

Does he think you'll just leave out the meat from his plate, or make him a different dinner?

Is he expecting rennet-free cheese and will he eat eggs?

specialsubject Sun 01-Nov-15 19:48:32

house not restaurant. If he were one of your kids the answer would be 'fine, I expect you to help with the shopping and the cooking when the rest of us fancy meat'. choice not compatible with current living arrangements. He fits in with you, or leaves. Goalposts are fixed except by mutual agreement, not be 'announcing'.

nameinlights Sun 01-Nov-15 19:48:40

I became a vegetarian at his age. I think yabu but he was also being unreasonable for just announcing it and not acknowledging that it would impact his arrangement with you. I agree with pps that you need to allow him to cook himself.

Eva50 Sun 01-Nov-15 19:53:24

Do you eat vegetarian meals some days? Perhaps he would only need to cater for himself in the days you are having something unsuitable.

Fadingmemory Sun 01-Nov-15 19:55:49

I would give him time slots so he can avoid when you are cooking. Maybe do it on a weekly basis - you may have various timings for DC activities/DP working late etc so you may not be able to commit to him having the same time every day.

I have a lodger and she and I cook amicably alongside one another. However, my kitchen is quite large and there is a range cooker with enough rings and two ovens to accommodate different dishes. I am also no longer a food conveyor belt cooking for a family as they have flown!

gamerchick Sun 01-Nov-15 19:57:25

You're going to have to let him sort his own grub out. Do not cook for him, it's easy to change eating habits when you're not doing the cooking and he'll need to learn.

I'm getting that in before the meeping starts after joking about bacon sarnies wink

londonrach Sun 01-Nov-15 20:06:56

I wouldnt change what you charge, just say you cooking x today but if he can't eat x he can cook himself between x time and x time but he has to buy what he cooks. You not his mum. Clear out one shelf in fridge and cupboard for him.

sonjadog Sun 01-Nov-15 20:10:09

Definitely don't cook for him. It's time this young man grew up and learnt about the consequences of his decisions. Knock a bit off his rent, tell him when the kitchen is available for his use, give him a shelf and a corner of the fridge and let him get on with it. Make it clear that he is to tidy up after himself. If he doesn't fetch him to do it. Don't you do it. It sounds a little like you have fallen into the role of his reserve mum. Step put of that role and let him be the adult he needs to learn to be.

whois Sun 01-Nov-15 21:50:21

I think I'd say that given that his lifestyle change really isn't compatible with your family lifestyle and it was only a short term arrangement anyway that he has to find somewhere else to live asap

This. Just give him one months notice but be nice and do veggie food for him for his notice period.

theycallmemellojello Sun 01-Nov-15 22:42:37

Yanbu if it doesn't suit you so by all means give him his notice. But tbh you did make the decision to give him room and board to suit you not him, so it's not like you're doing him a favour by cooking, and in my view he's perfectly entitled to expect that you cater to his requirements, even new ones.

CuntryLiving Sun 01-Nov-15 22:55:21

You never said you'd provide a cooking service, did you? Just tell him to prepare himself some veggie (or whatever) food if he doesn't want what you've cooked everyone else. Remind him to wash up his stuff if he forgets.

cheapandcheerful Tue 03-Nov-15 23:31:21

I take it all back.

I have just had the MOST FUN EVER watching him attempt to cook a veggie burger and chips.

Priceless entertainment! grin

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