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Does anyone else struggle with this? (Finance related)

(31 Posts)
LemonySmithit Sat 31-Oct-15 12:04:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shakey15000 Sat 31-Oct-15 12:08:47

Both our earnings are "ours". There's been times when DH has earned more than I and vice versa. Also times when one of us has been out of work. All sorts of variations yet the pot is still ours.

LemonySmithit Sat 31-Oct-15 12:14:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Sat 31-Oct-15 12:17:14

I'm just horrified that you worked part-time but you accepted he didn't have to, when you were both students. Your degree was as important as his!

Shakey15000 Sat 31-Oct-15 12:18:03

Well then that is is weird grin Doesn't seem like a problem as such then so I'd accept it as is.

expatinscotland Sat 31-Oct-15 12:19:28

We pool everything. We don't have 'his' and 'hers'.

SurlyCue Sat 31-Oct-15 12:23:00

Why dont you just have a joint account?

RJnomaaaaaargh Sat 31-Oct-15 12:24:57

Op I understand how you feel. My earnings are my money, dhs earnings are his money, and we both put the amount we need to contribute to keep our household running into a joint account. Would that help you?

Mumoftwoyoungkids Sat 31-Oct-15 12:25:11

Why not just get a joint account?

LemonySmithit Sat 31-Oct-15 12:25:41

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sheenam Sat 31-Oct-15 12:25:42

DH is the only earner in our household and we've always had separate accounts but I feel no guilt about spending his salary as 'ours'. DH is similar to you, he just tops up my account when he sees it's running low, I never have to ask at all. I see us as a single unit, financially and in every other sense, and any money I spend is spent either to support the household (food shopping, booking tickets) or to help me be a happier, healthier person, which in turn benefits both of us. I think you just have to adjust your way of thinking, especially as your discomfort isn't coming from your DH.

LemonySmithit Sat 31-Oct-15 12:26:45

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LemonySmithit Sat 31-Oct-15 12:28:09

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Littlef00t Sat 31-Oct-15 12:28:45

We have a joint account and everything goes in there and out of there for bills. We siphon off a small amount as 'pocket money', the same each which means we don't feel guilty buying silly things.

We've been through a redundancy each and mat leave, just in the last year so to see his money and my money would be crazy.

MrsMolesworth Sat 31-Oct-15 12:29:03

But it wasn't a doddle for you; you had to cut back due to stress.

Get a joint account to cover bills and then direct some money each month into individual accounts - an equal amount for each of you, to cover personal expenditure. You'll get used to it.

sheenam Sat 31-Oct-15 12:30:56

We also don't have a joint account for various admin/finance reasons, I don't think it's necessary to have joint accounts to be able to view your finances as joint. DH and I see all the money in all accounts as accessible by both of us (and I spend directly from his account when paying for some things online). But we don't split bills or other expenses either, or keep tabs on who has paid for anything.

Oysterbabe Sat 31-Oct-15 12:31:25

DH and I have separate accounts and a joint account that we both pay a set amount into each month to buy all joint things and bills. Our own accounts are for frivolous things for ourselves. Would that work?

Enjolrass Sat 31-Oct-15 12:31:33

I get it Op

When I earned more and paid more into the joint account it didn't bother me. When dh earned more it did.

No idea why.

We have a joint account for bills and savings and then separate money.

You just have to find what works for you both.

sheenam Sat 31-Oct-15 12:33:00

No, I don't feel guilty about it and not sure why I would/should. DH and I are both happy with the arrangements and I suppose the only alternative would be for me to be penniless while DH spends his own salary, and neither of us would be happy with that.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sat 31-Oct-15 12:34:26

I have felt the same, its just strong independence. I was a SAHP for a few years as work didnt pay enough for 3 full time nursery places, i now work part time as they are a school and he earns more, the feeling is still there , however we did use my equity in my house for for joint house. sorry no help, you just have to live with it.

LemonySmithit Sat 31-Oct-15 12:40:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatharinaRosalie Sat 31-Oct-15 12:44:07

I also earn a lot more that DH, we have all joint finances and I've never had ay issues with him spending. But if it was the other way around, yes I would not be as comfortable shopping, and would take some time to get used to the situation.
Would it be easier if you had joint accounts and not him giving you money?

Londonista123 Sat 31-Oct-15 13:47:51

I feel like this too - went from earning £100k+ with DP at home setting up his own business, to him earning very well and me being at home setting up my own business. I think that I felt/feel uncomfortable relying on him financially because of guilt that I should somehow be earning more.

I don't know if there's an answer, but here a clear dialogue about expectations and who pays for what has helped massively. (For example, though we both have flats we share mine, and DP helps out with a monthly sum that covers expenses like council tax, broadband, etc, whereas when he was earning very little and I was earning well I took those costs.) And there needs to be a very explicit conversation about work and DCs when that is on the horizon.

Lndnmummy Sat 31-Oct-15 13:56:28

Op i can really realte, ferl exactly like this

SummerNights1986 Sat 31-Oct-15 14:08:33

I struggle to relate to this tbh. I even struggle to understand those that say 'Oh we share all money and it's no problem, whenever my account is running low, dh has no problem topping it up when I ask'.

If you have to ask or if the majority of the money is kept in the higher earners account, to be transferred into the lower earners account in dribs and drabs...well it still seems like the higher earner giving it out of goodwill because it's 'theirs' to me. I would feel uncomfortable with that.

Both of our wages go into a joint account and we get paid on the same day as each other which is nice as it makes it easier to manage. So on the 25th of each month we get £x into the joint account, we leave enough in the joint account to pay all the bills (Direct Debits and stuff) and then transfer the remainder into our sole accounts.

We also use each others debit cards a lot (without asking). So even the money in our sole accounts isn't 'his' and 'mine'.

Dh is by far the higher earner because his career has progressed uninterrupted whilst I've had 3 years off out of the past 7 on maternity leave (only 2 leaves, but I took extended 1.5 year stints each time) which has slowed me down considerably.

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