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AIBU?

Aibu to be disappointed in my parents?

114 replies

SeasonalVag · 31/10/2015 07:23

I slipped two disks on my back three weeks ago and was in hospital for a week. I had to cancel my holiday which was obviously really disappointing and a sign that this wasn't just a passing twinge or two...

I told my dad this and offered him a first class ticket from his house to mine which we were also unable to use and he refused be a use he has to meet his girlfriend for lunch. It never occurred to him that if I zhad been I'm hospital and also had to cancel my holiday, that I might need some help.

I cannot....

Bathe my two year old
Change nappies
Carry him
Drive
Empty dishwasher, washing machjne
Plus I'm. On really strong painkillers

He's just come back from his cruise and it still hasn't occurred to him to come down 200 miles to help.... And he wouldn't even have to pay for the journey...

To get my son to nursery and the other to school, I'll be in a taxi, but as a responsible Parent will have to go with them.... Resulting in excruciating pain after each trip. I'm dreading tomorrow.

My mum doesn't work either and is a nurse, so know what I'm facing and she hasn't offered to come down to help either.

We only just moved here and have absolutely nobody to rely on... I had to get a cleaner and she's been collecting my boys for me.

Aibu to think it's disgraceful that neither of my parents has thought about helping their grandkids even if not for me? Instead I get cursory enquiries via texts and a barrage of I found about their holiday. Or am I being entitled?

OP posts:

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NerrSnerr · 31/10/2015 07:28

Have you actually told them what you've written here about not being able to do things? Do they think someone else is helping, friends/ partner/ husband? It wouldn't occur to my parents to help unless I made it very clear.

Walkacrossthesand · 31/10/2015 07:29

Do they have form for this? Could you text them 'please don't rub my nose in it by telling me all about your holidays when I've just had to cancel mine'....

zebra22 · 31/10/2015 07:30

I think if you have spoken to them and asked for help then YANBU

However, if you haven't actually told them how you are struggling then how can you expect them to know?

LineyReborn · 31/10/2015 07:31

I would assume they think you have help.

Whoever looked after your children while you were in hospital, for example.

Sorry about the back pain - it's grim, I know.

Borderterrierpuppy · 31/10/2015 07:33

Oh you poor thing back pain is horrible. Why don't you ask them directly for some help? Do you have a partner? Could they take some time off or shorten thier day to do the drop offs ect ?

Pseudo341 · 31/10/2015 07:36

I'd try very directly asking for help, they could just be being a bit dense because you're not right in front of them. I guess they're not obliged to help you but I do think it's a bit off that they're not willing to help their child.

Penfold007 · 31/10/2015 07:39

I'm sorry you are in pain and struggling to look after your son. It isn't your DF's responsibility to provide child care.

SeasonalVag · 31/10/2015 07:39

True, I've not made it clear to my dad.... My mum has no excuse... She slipped one herself when we were small so she knows.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 31/10/2015 07:39

Who had two year old whilst you were in hospital.

Did you have surgery?

I would be more direct and actually say ' I need some help here'

Enjolrass · 31/10/2015 07:39

You don't mention a dh so I am assuming your are a single parent?

We're the kids going away with you? If not who was having them, can they help out?

Tbh it doesn't sound like you are actually asking for help, just hoping they will offer.

I have a great relationship with my parents they wouldn't offer to help. I am quite independent. But they also know if I needed help I would ask.

If you need help, you need to ask.

Enjolrass · 31/10/2015 07:41

My mum has no excuse.

So you asked her and she said no?

NerrSnerr · 31/10/2015 07:41

Your mum might realise how bad it is but might think someone else is helping you. Are you a single parent?

MigGril · 31/10/2015 07:42

I feel your pain my In-laws are like this and only live an hour away. When I had an operation when DD was a baby I had to go stay 200 miles away with my dad as DH was going away with work. (we have no space for them to stay hear) Goodness knows what would happen now the kids are at school. They are retired as well it's not like they couldn't help if they really wanted to just seems like to much bother.

So if you have asked and offered to pay for his travel then your YNBU

TurnOffTheTv · 31/10/2015 07:44

Have you even asked them? They might not realise you aren't coping or how much pain you're in?

You can't really vent on here if you haven't even asked them directly.

blushingbelinda · 31/10/2015 07:46

My parents would never dream of dropping their lives to come & help me with mine, no matter what happened. & I wouldn't dream of asking.

Rebecca2014 · 31/10/2015 07:51

You haven't even asked them? you just assumed they should know you need help and come down. Your mum may think you already sorted out help.

Are you a single parent? If so then ASK THEM for help. If you have a partner then he needs to step up and maybe take a few days off work.

AbbyCadabra · 31/10/2015 07:53

If you have no-one to rely on who looked after your dc while you were in hospital?

SeasonalVag · 31/10/2015 07:57

My husband has been a total star, he took two weeks off but obviously has to return to work tomorrow.

OP posts:

SeasonalVag · 31/10/2015 07:58

Think if one of my kids was on a neurological unit for five days id have the brains to realise that it won't be fixed overnight

OP posts:

TurnOffTheTv · 31/10/2015 07:59

Why has your cleaner been collecting the children if your husband has been off work?

Hoppinggreen · 31/10/2015 08:01

All this is very obvious to you and us but is it to them?
Ask!! If they say no then yanbu to complain

NerrSnerr · 31/10/2015 08:02

You need to tell them exactly what you've said to us, they probably haven't even considered your husband returning to work. They're not mind readers. If you need help then ask!!

Practically can your husband adjust his hours temporarily to do nursery drop offs?

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PotteringAlong · 31/10/2015 08:04

But have you ACTUALLY asked them? The fact that you avoid the question makes me think you haven't, and so you're annoyed because they're not mind readers.

FizzlePops · 31/10/2015 08:06

Belinda, how terribly sad. OP is unwell. Is this not what normal families do.
I would offer my help in a heartbeat and I'm sure my DPs and PILs would as well. YANBU OP.

MumOnTheRunAgain · 31/10/2015 08:08

Oh you've got a DH! I read it as you were on your own

If your mums a nurse then her work rota will be done in advance, how could she just down tools and come to you? Your dad will assume your DH is sorting things out!

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