To be perfectly prepared to be flamed for this BUT when I die... (possibly sensitive)

[Salmotrutta]

I will have DIED.

I do not want people to say I have "passed" or "passed away".

I am becoming increasingly aware of friends and colleagues referring to people "passing" and I don't want people to say this about me when I die.

When I die I won't be passing anything or passing anywhere.

I will have just DIED.

[CordeliaFoxx]

When I die I don't want to be "lost". I don't want my kids to loose their Mum, I'm not lost, I died.

[FarelyKnuts]

Come out from behind the sofa.
I agree. I have no religious affiliations and will be going nowhere except into the crematorium. I'm not passing on or "in a better place" etc. I will be dead. Mind you then I won't care what people say to describe it

[Salmotrutta]

Yes, I agree.

I won't be "lost" either.

I will be just plain old "dead".

[catfordbetty]

The gravestones that say the deceased "fell asleep" annoy me for the same reason. Er ... they're not going to wake up, are they? Especially since you buried them.

[CordeliaFoxx]

I think it sounds odd when someone says for example "John lost his wife last week" his wife died, she's not lost, she didn't walk into the forest and couldn't find her way out - she died ffs

[Mmmmcake123]

I think people use terms such as passing to help themselves cope with loss and to somehow reduce their heartbreak

[CordeliaFoxx]

When my Nan died, who I was very close to, she didn't pass,and I didn't loose her. She died and I miss her everyday, but I didn't loose her.

[thornrose]

To be fair when you die you won't know how people refer to you. That's their decision and they will use the terminology that best suits them.

Although I agree re "fell asleep"!

[CordeliaFoxx]

I've told my family if they say they lost me I will come back and haunt them! They know how I feel.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

I'm happy to let people refer to my death in whatever way feels most comfortable or appropriate to them.

After all, I'll be dead.

[Salmotrutta]

I understand what you are saying *Mmmmcake but my point is I don't want anyone saying that I "passed" or was "lost" or whatever.

I will be telling my nearest and dearest (and my DH knows this) that I don't want these adjectives used.

[Shakshuka]

I don't think there's any need to be precious about it.

Losing something/one has no implication of being found again.

I could say 'I lost my arm in an accident'. Clearly I don't mean I will find them again.

Someone close to you dying IS a loss. Nothing wrong with saying 'sorry for your loss' rather than 'sorry s/he's dead'

[chipsandpeas]

i agree
i say my dad died
not passed away or that pish

[Shakshuka]

I agree mitzy.

If my nearest and dearest find it easier to talk about my death with euphemisms then who am I to critique that? Grieving a loved one is hard enough without wondering if you're being blunt enough to fulfill their wishes.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

But why would you tell your nearest and dearest? It won't effect you.

Mine can tell people I'm dancing across the clouds with Funshine Bear if the fancy takes them.

[Salmotrutta]

Well, I won't be happy to let people refer to my death as a "passing" or a "loss" or a "falling asleep".

I'd rather they acknowledged the truth - that I died.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

That was to Salmo!

[Garlick]

It gets on my nerves too.

However, I don't care what people say about me when I'm dead. I'll be dead, right? I wont be knowing anything!

Anyway, they're more likely to say "She finally fucked off to the far side of fuck, late as usual"

[Salmotrutta]

I can tell my nearest and dearest what I want Mitzy.

I am not religious - they know that.

So if they use terms such as "passed" or "fell asleep" it would be utterly at odds with my beliefs and ridiculous.

[YokoUhOh]

My DGran was Irish Catholic and used to wipe the floor with people who said that someone had 'passed away'

We always mouth 'passed' or 'passed away' or 'passed over' (Derek Acorah') in a Les Dawson, Cissie-and-Ada, hoiky-bosom way.

[CordeliaFoxx]

When I die I'm not lost, I have lost many things only to be found at a later date. When I die I will not be found, I will be memories in people's hearts and minds, but I won't be found again.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

Yes I know you can tell your nearest and dearest what you want. I just fail to see how it can possibly affect you. You'll have snuffed it!

[CordeliaFoxx]

I don't believe in organised religion. But I'm open to the fact that I don't know for sure what happens when I die, none of us know for sure.

[Salmotrutta]

Yoko - funnily enough I've always noticed that Catholics are very down to Earth about death!

Admittedly it's anecdata but Catholics I have known just say someone has died...

[Salmotrutta]

I know I'll have snuffed it Mitzy - but it would be disrespectful to my memory to use banal and inane euphemisms with "religious" overtones to describe my death when I'm a raging atheist.