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To be perfectly prepared to be flamed for this BUT when I die... (possibly sensitive)

(177 Posts)
Salmotrutta Sat 31-Oct-15 01:25:26

I will have DIED.

I do not want people to say I have "passed" or "passed away".

I am becoming increasingly aware of friends and colleagues referring to people "passing" and I don't want people to say this about me when I die.

When I die I won't be passing anything or passing anywhere.

I will have just DIED.

<hides behind sofa and cowers>

CordeliaFoxx Sat 31-Oct-15 01:27:16

When I die I don't want to be "lost". I don't want my kids to loose their Mum, I'm not lost, I died.

FarelyKnuts Sat 31-Oct-15 01:29:44

Come out from behind the sofa.
I agree. I have no religious affiliations and will be going nowhere except into the crematorium. I'm not passing on or "in a better place" etc. I will be dead. Mind you then I won't care what people say to describe it grin

Salmotrutta Sat 31-Oct-15 01:29:47

Yes, I agree.

I won't be "lost" either.

I will be just plain old "dead".

catfordbetty Sat 31-Oct-15 01:36:03

The gravestones that say the deceased "fell asleep" annoy me for the same reason. Er ... they're not going to wake up, are they? Especially since you buried them.

CordeliaFoxx Sat 31-Oct-15 01:37:26

I think it sounds odd when someone says for example "John lost his wife last week" his wife died, she's not lost, she didn't walk into the forest and couldn't find her way out - she died ffs

Mmmmcake123 Sat 31-Oct-15 01:39:21

I think people use terms such as passing to help themselves cope with loss and to somehow reduce their heartbreak

CordeliaFoxx Sat 31-Oct-15 01:41:17

When my Nan died, who I was very close to, she didn't pass,and I didn't loose her. She died and I miss her everyday, but I didn't loose her.

thornrose Sat 31-Oct-15 01:43:39

To be fair when you die you won't know how people refer to you. That's their decision and they will use the terminology that best suits them.

Although I agree re "fell asleep"!

CordeliaFoxx Sat 31-Oct-15 01:45:12

I've told my family if they say they lost me I will come back and haunt them! They know how I feel.

MitzyLeFrouf Sat 31-Oct-15 01:47:21

I'm happy to let people refer to my death in whatever way feels most comfortable or appropriate to them.

After all, I'll be dead.

Salmotrutta Sat 31-Oct-15 01:47:49

I understand what you are saying Mmmmcake but my point is *I don't want anyone saying that I "passed" or was "lost" or whatever.

I will be telling my nearest and dearest (and my DH knows this) that I don't want these adjectives used.

Shakshuka Sat 31-Oct-15 01:48:00

I don't think there's any need to be precious about it.

Losing something/one has no implication of being found again.

I could say 'I lost my arm in an accident'. Clearly I don't mean I will find them again.

Someone close to you dying IS a loss. Nothing wrong with saying 'sorry for your loss' rather than 'sorry s/he's dead'

chipsandpeas Sat 31-Oct-15 01:49:29

i agree
i say my dad died
not passed away or that pish

Shakshuka Sat 31-Oct-15 01:51:11

I agree mitzy.

If my nearest and dearest find it easier to talk about my death with euphemisms then who am I to critique that? Grieving a loved one is hard enough without wondering if you're being blunt enough to fulfill their wishes.

MitzyLeFrouf Sat 31-Oct-15 01:51:27

But why would you tell your nearest and dearest? It won't effect you.

Mine can tell people I'm dancing across the clouds with Funshine Bear if the fancy takes them.

Salmotrutta Sat 31-Oct-15 01:51:42

Well, I won't be happy to let people refer to my death as a "passing" or a "loss" or a "falling asleep".

I'd rather they acknowledged the truth - that I died.

MitzyLeFrouf Sat 31-Oct-15 01:52:06

That was to Salmo!

Garlick Sat 31-Oct-15 01:53:47

It gets on my nerves too.

However, I don't care what people say about me when I'm dead. I'll be dead, right? I wont be knowing anything!

Anyway, they're more likely to say "She finally fucked off to the far side of fuck, late as usual" grin

Salmotrutta Sat 31-Oct-15 01:55:35

I can tell my nearest and dearest what I want Mitzy.

I am not religious - they know that.

So if they use terms such as "passed" or "fell asleep" it would be utterly at odds with my beliefs and ridiculous.

YokoUhOh Sat 31-Oct-15 01:57:18

My DGran was Irish Catholic and used to wipe the floor with people who said that someone had 'passed away' grin

We always mouth 'passed' or 'passed away' or 'passed over' (Derek Acorah') in a Les Dawson, Cissie-and-Ada, hoiky-bosom way.

CordeliaFoxx Sat 31-Oct-15 01:57:46

When I die I'm not lost, I have lost many things only to be found at a later date. When I die I will not be found, I will be memories in people's hearts and minds, but I won't be found again.

MitzyLeFrouf Sat 31-Oct-15 01:58:30

Yes I know you can tell your nearest and dearest what you want. I just fail to see how it can possibly affect you. You'll have snuffed it!

CordeliaFoxx Sat 31-Oct-15 02:00:22

I don't believe in organised religion. But I'm open to the fact that I don't know for sure what happens when I die, none of us know for sure.

Salmotrutta Sat 31-Oct-15 02:01:25

grin Yoko - funnily enough I've always noticed that Catholics are very down to Earth about death!

Admittedly it's anecdata but Catholics I have known just say someone has died...

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