To be annoyed with this mum?

[Busyworkingmum71]

My ds (8yo) has got a new friend at school. His mum keeps phoning and texting to ask if he can come over. Which is fine, but a little needy. The boy is lovely, nice manners and no bother so it's usually not a problem. On 2 occasions she just turned up with him without out any communication with us first, as apparently the boys had arranged it at school, one of the occasions was for a sleep over. We knew nothing about it and had to say no as we had other plans. He is here again this evening (for a sleepover) at her request. She has just texted to ask if he can come over again on Sunday to play (we are planning to go out for the day with our kids so have had to say no).

Our ds has not once been invited over to play at their house, and the friend is starting a new school next week so they won't be at school together anymore. Excluding dv at home meaning she wants him out of the house as much as possible for his own safety (think she is an only parent but not sure, don't really know her), which would be a different matter, AIBU to think she's being a bit pushy and should invite our ds over to them occasionally (I was raised to wait until you're invited and that to invite yourself is incredibly bad manners).

[Wolfiefan]

Start saying no? And you'll let her know when you are ready to issue an invitation.

[formerbabe]

You're her babysitter.

Hth.

[Busyworkingmum71]

We say no when it doesn't fit with our plans. We're pretty easy going about the kids having friends over. we have 4 kids so one of them at least usually has someone over. Just feel after several weeks of this it's time she invited our ds over. Once the hoy loves school I wonder if the interest will wane dramatically as he makes new friends. Worried my ds mightfeel a bit used and dumped, although He probably won't over think it like I do!!!

[Busyworkingmum71]

Formerbabe, the boy is one of twins, so the other one is presumably still at home with her, unless she's managed to farm him out too?

[Busyworkingmum71]

*Hoy loves = boy leaves

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Shes being cheeky ... my kids often invite friends over to play, i dont mind as long as i dont need to.feed them. Turning up.for a child planned sleepover is bloody cheeky! As is no return invite.

[Finola1step]

Ask the friend where the twin is going tonight.

[MillionToOneChances]

I would just say that actually your son has mentioned that he would like to play at her house instead (assuming he's willing to go!), and see what reaction you get. I suspect you'll find that either her twins fight a lot or she farms both out when she needs a babysitter.

Either way I wouldn't be thrilled. My daughter had a friend who always invited herself round to ours but always chose somebody else when she was inviting people to hers. I wasn't wildly impressed and a couple of times when she asked I said I thought it was her turn to host.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

She's so rude! I wonder if she's struggling to cope or just lazy and entitled?

[DrasticAction]

I would also find this very cheeky but I also wonder if there isnt something else going on, rather than her being cheeky and rude....maybe the boys fight a great deal adn she is struggling...

I wonder if you couldnt ask her " its lovely having x over however my son has been nagging me if he can come for a play date to yours, no problems if there is an issue as you have not invited him back, but if it can be arranged that would be good but please, no pressure!"


goodness!! I didnt read the posts and literally just skimmed millions big x post there...

[mimishimmi]

Does she ever invite your son over? It's very odd. Normally I'd say she's taking advantage and trying to get free babysitting instead of afterschool care etc but if she's got another at home that might not be the case (unless she's farming him off to someone else too).Is he a difficult child?

[cansu]

She is either a massive piss taker or there is some other reason she can't invite your boy to hers. I would tend to assume the latter as having another child over is no big deal for most people as it keeps your own happy and occupied. Could be a shitty partner, untidy house, lack of funds, disabled sibling or any number of perfectly good reasons for not reciprocating. The problem is that to tell you this reason would be over sharing given she does not know you at all and therefore she wouldn't tell you. I would have the other boy on when it suits you but don't count the visits by thinking about them being paid back somehow. If the friendship continues you will eventually find out what the issue is or if she is in fact a piss taker.

[Busyworkingmum71]

He's not a difficult child (either the boy or my ds, who is so laid back he's horizontal). I asked what the twin was doing last night, and he apparently was staying at home.

My ds has not been invited once to her house, he's never been there! It's a new build, so shouldn't be shameful.

I wondered if she was struggling, but we have 4, with 2 ds only 12 months apart, who fight and bicker all the time. I wouldn't dream of getting rid of one frequently, that's awful. She doesn't look like she's struggling, her DS's are always clean, tidy as is she, hair done etc.

Think I might have take DrasticActions advice and just ask as nicely as possible if ds can go over there.