Bloody hell - I couldn't care less about the sodding mirror(126 Posts)
OK - I'm 37 weeks pregnant, have a 1 and a 2 year old and am just coming to the end of massive building works and am very hormonal
so maybe I am being unreasonable
My DM is lovely and normally we get on very well. She and DF are super helpful and come to visit a lot to help with the DC.
Part of the work being done is a lift extension with en suite and I have asked for her views on various things. Now, whilst I haven't done anything I specifically don't want to do, I have done a lot of things I might not have to make sure that she and DF are comfortable when they come to stay. So there will be a TV up there and we've had an ariel installed so there will be freeview (we had sky). The sink has been moved in the en suite so it has a mirror above it. A ledge has been built under the window at a certain height so that there is space for people to put toilet bags, I got a bigger sink than I probably would have chosen to make sure there is space actually right beside the sink - apparently an absolute necessity for guests. The sink has drawers under it to ensure that guests have storage in the bathroom - another necessity. 70,000 spotlights on dimmers and plugs have been installed to ensure that guests have every type of shade of lighting they could want along with the bedside lights and cZn charge about 15 electrical items each whilst simultaneously blow drying their hair. Fine.
I don't want - as it wouldn't look right given the shape of the room - to put a mirror up on the wall of the bedroom. The bathroom now has a mirrored storage cabinet (large!) to ensure even more bathroom storage for guests. So there is a mirror in there for make up. The wirkd's most efficient extractor fan and a window so condensation shouldn't be a problem and the mirror will be useable to guests for make up. We have a chest of drawers in the bedroom which I want to put a free standing mirror on. There is a double socket right next to it for hair dryers etc. however, DM is now concerned that the chest of drawers might be slightly too high for the mirror to be on and therefore guests won't have a perfect environment to do their hair in. Maybe I need a new chest of drawers? Or to put a mirror on the wall? It can't be over the chest of drawers as that is where the bloody TV is to go. So it would need to be on a random wall but DM has pointed out that there would be no ledge or shelf for hairbrush etc - thus hideously inconveniencing guests who obviously would be far too polite to say anything.
I actually just want to scream and feel a bit tearful about all this. Can't I just have the room how I want it? AIBU? There will be a mirror there.
The kind builder has suggested putting a mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door but I'm sure that it won't be close enough to one of the many plug sockets is no bloody ledge. Obviously I could get the electrician out again but the bloody room has just been decorated and I really could do without him knocking lumps out of the wall to channel in another socket.
Actually, I don't care about the sodding mirror at all. My lovely DH has suggested that we just sleep up there when DM comes to stay then they can have our room which had a mirror of the fireplace and thus a winning combo of shelf and mirror. But of course DM will say no if we suggest that and just be upstairs being horribly inconvenienced.
mine!!!! Well and DH's too, I suppose
I just want people to have a nice time when they come to stay and be comfortable. And now I feel like I have to redesign the whole room or else people will be upstairs thinking how dreadful it is
Is it a house or a hotel? Tell her to fuck off!
I just got dd a make mirror from boots, is free standing and can be shoved in a drawer when not being used. Problem solved.
I think your Dm is being completely ridiculous and I'd say stay in a hotel if the room isn't how you like it. Your obviously under lots of stress and she's being petty, and tbh abut rude it's your house have it how you want it! Hope all goes well with Dec 3 please get your feet up
I think dm is being a pain in the arse but I suppose thats the price you pay for loads if free help with dcs?
If it's not up to their specifications there are other places to stay.
I've just had to pretty much say that to my dm. From the moment she stepped over the threshold there have been constant "helpful" suggestions on how to improve my house, and offers to wash curtains, buy new furniture, throw x and y out.
I know it's supposed to be helpful but if all they can do is criticise, go criticise the hotel down the road! They might have a better mirror/ledge/hairdryer combo for her
Why not get a full length free standing mirror so she can put it wherever she wants rather than one on the chest of drawers. Maybe a full length one with a shelf (if they exist!)
They come to stay every two months or so for about 3-4 days so I obviously really like seeing them. However, they don't look after the DC non-stop or come to stay for such an extended period that I think this is necessary. Maybe that's unfair though
I used to work in hotels, so do have certain standards when it comes to entertaining. (Most guests I'm sure would be happy with an air bed but no, that doesn't happen here - I built a guest annexe complete with en suite and 8 million power points. People don't stay in it regularly enough to warrant an opinion. It's certainly not something I judge people for (although having to wait till midnight for bedding to be dry so that we could make our own bed after having to supply and cook food for dinner the one time we stayed at BIL's house did have me booking up my judgey pants. ).
And Breathe!! I'm assuming this is your home??
If your DM & DF are coming to stay with you then I think it's lovely that you have considered them so much when designing the bedroom but I think this might be a case of giving an inch and your DM taking a mile.
This is your house, your room and you can have 1 mirror, no mirrors, a whole wall dedicated to mirrors if you so wish. Your DM needs to be firmly told that there will be no more mirrors and that's the last word on it.
This has become more of an issue than it should have.
You have been so lovely and accommodating that your DM has completely forgotten this is your house. It's one thing taking your guests wishes into consideration because you want them to be comfortable, it's quite another to allow her to dictate every detail of the guestroom.
Does she ever visit people who aren't you? If so then she has managed to spend the night in a room that wasn't designed according to her exact specifications and has survived. I understand that you want her to be comfortable but if she can't be comfortable im a room where she hasn't personally approved every detail of the design and furnishings then that really is her problem, not yours.
That's a lot on angst over a mirror!
She can put it where ever she likes
Wow. I usually bring my own little hand mirror when staying somewhere and am bloody grateful for a warm, clean bed. Just wow. Too late now but the amount you paid for an extension would have kept them in fancy hotel rooms for about 5years!
I had to have a sit down after reading this "'I'm 37 weeks pregnant, have a 1 and a 2 year old and am just coming to the end of massive building works"
I think you can have whatever the fuck you want!
Sounds to me like your DM has picked up on your obsession with getting everything absolutely perfect and thinks she is contributing/being helpful.
I agree with IShould. You sound like every little detail has been thought about to the nth degree and she's trying to be helpful and get into the spirit of things. If you've put such massive thought into the arrangement of the bathroom and how it suits guests, then she probably is assuming you'll put the same level of obsession into the bedroom.
I certainly wouldn't tell her to fuck off. This is a woman you describe as normal and lovely and a super help to you.
It's just a mirror. Don't get tearful and obsessed with such a trivial detail. Decide what you want, say this is what we're having and move on.
re- BitOutoOfPractice's post, now this is where I would love a 'like' button!
Fucking hell! This is insane! A reality check and grip is urgently needed. And not for you..
If you're feeling wobbly at the thought of saying something, could your DH step in? I'm thinking along the lines of 'DM please catch yourself on here and remember whose house this is, not to mention that these things do not matter and Gobbolino has other, rather more important things on her mind?
Cross for you. Really.
york - yes, she does visit other people and I'm
sure is a lovely guest but internally will be judging.
There isn't really room for a large free-standing mirror and we've waited so long and lived in such mess for months that I really don't feel minded to start shoe-horning in furniture that doesn't actually fit. I was really looking forward to actually just being able to get the room looking lovely and how I wanted it to be. Not spoiled with extra things stuck randomly on the wall or blocking the en suite door.
I think I'm just hormonal and fed up. DH is currently working 6 days a week. I'm exhausted and I was so looking forward to the work being finished and now it all feels a bit shit.
I probably am being U but every time DM comes, she takes a brand new kitchen cloth out of the cupboard under the sink. Even if I've just replaced it 2 minutes before she's arrived (which I tend to do now). I feel it's implicitly saying we're grade A unhygienic mingers. When actually we are very clean and tidy and have a cleaner on top of what I do. So we're hardly about to star in an episode of Hoarders.
Anyone staying with me has to negotiate two flights of stairs to get to the only loo. Tell your mum the room is fine. Good luck with the new baby xxx
Fuck me, I think myself lucky when I stay somewhere to have a bed, and put my toiletry bag on the side of the bath.
Who do they think is coming to stay and how many people do they think have houses big enough to have a guest wing. If it's turning out to be better than your room, have that give them the non ensuite one.
Tell her you are not applying to be a 5star guest house and the mirror will go where you've chosen in your house, and ask her who she thinks will be coming to stay?
What is the set up in her house for guests?
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