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to just turn the phone off

(10 Posts)
Alfieisnoisy Fri 30-Oct-15 10:41:06

My life is busy and exhausting at the best of times as DS is autistic.

This week he is away with his Dad and I am supposed to be having a break but am getting overrun with requests for help from friends.

Many of my friends have issues of one kind or another and I don't generally ever mind helping but for some reason life just feels overwhelming at the moment. My car has gone wrong so I am without transport at the moment. The TV packed up too....beyond economical repair, the last year has been horrendous as DS struggled snd struggled at mainstream school. It's taken lots of energy but I've now got him placed in a special school.

I've not had a break for over a year from caring and to be frank I feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

One of my friends has bipolar disorder which makes life hard for her. She has phoned me daily this week and it's nearly an hour before I can get off the phone.

Another has severe depression, anxiety and agoraphobia and has been phoning me sobbing down the phone. Ordinarily i would get in the car and go have a cuppa with friend 1 and go and prepare a few meals to put away for friend 2 so she hadn't got so much to cope with (she has two children).

But the car is off the road and it's not going to be easy to reach either of them. Friend 2 would come and get me but I cannot then easily get home again without supporting her to get out to the car.

Both friends are lovely and I care about them both but for some reason I am finding them draining emotionally at the moment.

Oddly enough if feel better if the car was working and I could go to both but have some control about leaving and getting home too.

I am trying to get organised today as DS is back tomorrow and I just want to be ready for him with a tidy house and a meal ready.

I have already ignored the phone from Friend 1 as I can't face a 60 minute chat today.

Am hoping the car will be repaired this weekend and want to help Friend 1 get out next week as she finds it hard to leave the house alone. Am more than happy to do this as its good for her too and she's great.

I can also give more time to Friend 2 next week but today I just can't do anything.

Am I being horrible ignoring the phone.

Sent Friend 1 a text just saying "sorry I missed your call, in the middle of stuff at the moment but will try and get back to you later".

Am I overthinking things?

Am on the spectrum and struggle with social stuff.

BinToHellAndBack Fri 30-Oct-15 12:51:37

YANBU. You are struggling yourself at the moment so don't feel bad taking the time you need to get back to normal; it is perfectly ok. In fact it is more than ok - it sounds like a good idea! Get some much needed rest!

Whilst helping out these friends is very lovely of you, you won't be able to do that at all if you burn out yourself by shouldering all their troubles as well as your own.

Might it be an idea to send a text message explaining that you are struggling to cope this week and utterly exhausted. Because of that you will be turning your phone off for a break (although not a break from them per se, just from life), and that you look forward to catching up very soon, perhaps next week. You will be in touch.

Just to save any anxiety that you've ditched them, they sound vulnerable atm.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief Fri 30-Oct-15 12:56:05

Ignore them.
Not in a horrible way but you need a break. Take time out for yourself. There is no need for guilt at all.

Sometimes you need to put yourself first.

MissMarpleCat Fri 30-Oct-15 13:03:27

Yanbu, you need some time to yourself smile

Toffeelatteplease Fri 30-Oct-15 13:06:53

Send a message. Love you all but taking 48 hours to myself. Phone will be on but unless the house is on fire won't be picking up

Alfieisnoisy Fri 30-Oct-15 14:31:10

Thank you all, have spoken to friend 2 who sounds better today. Have said I will go over one day next week and cook a couple of meals to portion up for the freezer.

Nice idea about the text and I might do that.

Planning a relaxing soak in the bath tonight and an evening of reading.

BinToHellAndBack Fri 30-Oct-15 14:48:29

Enjoy your evening, it sounds lovely!

Junosmum Fri 30-Oct-15 15:52:41

Yanbu. It's self care, you can't help anyone if you aren't taking care of yourself. We all need some 'me'time and to out ourselves first at times and you have a lot to deal with at the moment yourself. Take the weekend to look after yourself and do the things you need to do. You'll be a better mum and friend for it.

Groovee Fri 30-Oct-15 15:55:59

You need to put yourself first. Being there for others can get exhausting and it sounds like a good rest will do you good.

Clutterbugsmum Fri 30-Oct-15 16:42:14

You need to stop putting everyone before you.

You need to put your own health and well being before your friends.

It sounds like you are physically and mentally exhausted. I would spend the next 24 hours doing things you need to do for yourself and your DS.

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