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Need advice please

(13 Posts)
Clubgirl Fri 30-Oct-15 08:42:03

I had a 4 month relationship with one of my sons coaches at his after school club. Yes I know it was a bad idea but I fell completely in love with him.
He decided he couldn't carry on and finished it. I was left completely heartbroken and deverstated to the point where I was put in anti depressants to help me cope.
I found it extremely difficult to go back to the club and face him twice a week but I put my feelings to one side and carried on going.
Then my son said he wanted to stop going, totally his decision. This was about 4 weeks ago and I have been trying to move on with my life.
My son has now changed his mind and wants to return. I'm not sure if this is a idea good for me to see him, will it set me back again? Or should I not think about my feelings and put my son first. Any advice would be much appreciated

BitOutOfPractice Fri 30-Oct-15 08:45:54

Id take him to another club if I were you

ItchyArmpits Fri 30-Oct-15 08:52:12

How old is your son? Do you absolutely have to see the coach if he goes back? Would it be possible to pick him up outside the school? Could you arrange a lift share with another parent?

You won't know if it will set you back until you see the coach again. Equally, you might find that you see him and realise that your feelings have changed and you no longer want, let alone need him.

Yes I know it was a bad idea if you were both single then it wasn't that bad an idea. Take it easy on yourself flowers

OddSocksHighHeels Fri 30-Oct-15 08:52:36

I'd look for another club as well.

ShamefulPlaceMarker Fri 30-Oct-15 08:55:04

Why did your son want to stop?....

NerrSnerr Fri 30-Oct-15 08:58:49

Why did your son want to stop? How old is he?

Clubgirl Fri 30-Oct-15 09:02:01

My son is 8 and he wanted to stop because he said he wasn't enjoying it anymore.
I would definitely have to see the coach and I couldn't just drop him outside unfortunately.

x2boys Fri 30-Oct-15 09:05:36

i would also look for another club if seeing him is too painful for you and making it difficult for you too move

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Fri 30-Oct-15 11:07:39

Can you find a different group for the same activity? It does depend of the activity and your local area, I know, but hopefully you have options.

RandomMess Fri 30-Oct-15 11:09:36

I would explain to your ds that he can't keep stopping and starting!

I would also tell him that he has to wait until the new term which will give you more time to find an alternative or cope better with seeing the coach.

AlwaysHope1 Fri 30-Oct-15 11:18:45

If your son wants to go back to that club where he feels comfortable then I think it would be unfair on him to expect him to change because of your issue. Could you get someone else to take him, maybe a friend's parent who goes there already?

mathanxiety Sat 31-Oct-15 06:41:15

[Bitoutofpractice -- I am having technical difficulties replying to your PM but I am very inclined to agree. <taps nose>]

Sorry to hijack thread..

I would probe why your son wasn't enjoying it any more. I would definitely look for a different club as I suspect the coach may have favoured your DS while the two of you were involved together and no longer does, which is confusing for a child who can't understand what is really happening.

Enjolrass Sat 31-Oct-15 09:18:20

You need to get to the bottom of why he stopped enjoying it. It could be that the coach was a bit off with him after the split. Or just as simple as sometimes kids get fed up. Mine love their hobby but randomly say they don't want to go.

If it's that the coach was off with him, then find somewhere new. If it was just general that he was a bit bored, then take him back.

It's not fair that he should miss out going the place he likes because of your relationship.

It wasn't a great idea, given that if it finished it would impact your son. But it's done now. You hoped it wouldn't finish. There isn't much you can do about that now.

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