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to think life should change with a baby?

(337 Posts)
broodylicious Thu 29-Oct-15 06:09:14

Seeing so many posts where tiny babies (newborns) are being left with grandparents while the new parents go off on date night or away for a weekend for "me time". What is wrong with just putting life on hold/adapting to being parents for a while? Why this incessant need for selfish time? Having children is a life changer, why have them if you just want to carry on as before?

CheeseCakeOfDreams Thu 29-Oct-15 06:13:33


ceeveebee Thu 29-Oct-15 06:13:33

Do you have children?

chumbler Thu 29-Oct-15 06:15:17

I wouldn't call it selfish, but I've made a decision to go on mat leave and basically dedicate my time to my baby - I fought through 2 months of painful and difficult breastfeeding and made it through the other side, and I have never left my baby. People seem to feel sorry that she doesn't like to be left - but surely that's my job?! It doesn't bother me at all and I have nerve been happier!

Mrscog Thu 29-Oct-15 06:16:28

I'm on the each to their own side of this one. People vary so much. I couldn't leave mine when they were newborn and not before about 9 months, it made me sad and anxious. However I was more than happy to toddle back to full time work at 12 months. I've got friends who would happily leave their newborn for a night but couldn't bear to work at all as they would miss their Dc.

icklekid Thu 29-Oct-15 06:16:41

Yes one night off is abandoning their child it couldn't possibly make them happier and therefore possibly better parents! I'm sure all parents know all too well how much life has changed!

whattheseithakasmean Thu 29-Oct-15 06:18:12

There as many way to parent as there are parents. Your way isn't necessarily 'right' and anyone doing something different isn't necessarily 'wrong'. But you are definitely wrong to judge.

Oysterbabe Thu 29-Oct-15 06:22:27

The odd night off hurts no one. Life changes but it doesn't stop.

CheeseCakeOfDreams Thu 29-Oct-15 06:24:26

One date night doesn't mean their life hasn't changed. Is this based on someone you know. How young is the baby?

We left our baby with my parents for the day at just over 2 months to go to a friend's wedding. It was in a hot country, with no shade, so wouldn't have been practical to take the baby. I tried to bf but it didn't work out, so it meant I could leave formula with my parents and they loved spending the time with her.

For what it's worth we spent the time between the wedding breakfast and the evening do (when there wasn't much going on) looking at photos of her on my phone. Perhaps that makes us slightly better parents in you eyes? hmm

pandarific Thu 29-Oct-15 06:31:08

You do know the phrase 'mummy martyr', right op?

JoeMommuh Thu 29-Oct-15 06:31:15

£50 says you don't have a baby yet.

CheeseCakeOfDreams Thu 29-Oct-15 06:32:13

Oh and I know parents who left their under two month old baby with it's grandparents for the day as they were getting married (everything had been booked before the pregnancy occurred). The baby was in the vicinity and had been left expressed breastmilk. Is that ok with you?

pandarific Thu 29-Oct-15 06:35:34

And extra points for getting the word 'selfish' in there too. (I always read it in Helen lovejoy tones)

Enjolrass Thu 29-Oct-15 06:35:46

Of course life changes.

It doesn't stop though. An odd night out is not abandoning a baby. Taking time for your relationships (be that with your mother/siblings/friends/partner) is also important.

Babies do not grow up in a vacuum of them and their parents.

Any one who thinks have a night out means your life hasn't changed needs to to get a grip tbh.

If you choose not to go out until your child is moves out, do it. Judging other people for doing is a shitty thing to do.

StrawberryTeaLeaf Thu 29-Oct-15 06:36:33

Not again sad

OP are you okay? What's really upsetting you? Are you usually this nosey about other people's lives and choices?

broodylicious Thu 29-Oct-15 06:40:09

Was not expecting so much hate!

Yes I do have two children - 3.5yrs and 13weeks.

UmbongoUnchained Thu 29-Oct-15 06:43:14

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PositivePete Thu 29-Oct-15 06:44:02

I'm a single parent, always been that way.

Had I not had the breaks that my amazing parents/support network gave me, a few hours here and there - I would of truly gone insane and suffered a post natal mental breakdown.

It's not selfish. It's selfish to not give yourself a break so you are the best you can be for your babies.

Enjolrass Thu 29-Oct-15 06:46:21

Ah so you thought you could go on a parenting website and judge parents who do things differently to you?

There is your mistake. Stop judging other people.

elQuintoConyo Thu 29-Oct-15 06:47:33

Oh blah de fucking blah.

blueteapot Thu 29-Oct-15 06:47:41


wannabestressfree Thu 29-Oct-15 06:48:55

'So much hate'......
How old are you?

DrewsWife Thu 29-Oct-15 06:48:59

I have a ten month old. No one wants to babysit. Where do you find baby sitters????? I'd love to go to the cinema!!!

What other parents do with their children isn't your worry. As long as baby is happy and cared for.

When mine was 4 weeks old I was pushed out the door by a friend and told to go for lunch with hub. I broke my heart in the car. Then had a warm lunch ... It was the last warm lunch I had until he was 7 months old. Because I carried him every where in a sling.

I was eventually grateful for it.

StarlingMurmuration Thu 29-Oct-15 06:49:56

Since my DS was born 11 months ago, I've had two nights away from him with DP. They were glorious and completely deserved. DS was with his grandparents and perfectly happy, and it was great for DP and my relationship. my life has changed enormously since DS was born, and I don't think having two nights away means I'm not devoting myself to my child.

pandarific Thu 29-Oct-15 06:50:20

OP, you are still a whole real person. If anyone is guilting or judging you for wanting some time to yourself (even if that person is you) they need to feck off.

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