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To think my family are being judgmental and a racist

(17 Posts)
Esmeismyhero Wed 28-Oct-15 08:37:33

I was in a&e two nights ago with dd and I met a couple with a newborn who were really lovely. The woman was telling me how she has just moved to the country and her newborn dd never stops crying (Drs diagnosed colic) and she's so alone, her mum tried to come over but couldn't (visa was refused) and so I gave her my number and said she is more than welcome to call me if she needs a shoulder, friend, advice etc.

I have two Dc and remember the lonely days before my family lived near me and I'm more than willing to meet for coffee etc.

My family on the other hand think I was silly simply because of where they have moved from hmm to me it doesn't matter where they came from (Jordan).

Considering my dm lived in the Middle East and grew up there I find it pretty offensive.

Someone please tell me what I can say to them. I've raised my eyebrows and said to me it doesn't matter who they are or where they came from we are all humans and I'll do what I like thank you but that was met with lecturing.

My family are usually lovely but sometimes they can be judgemental even though they say who open minded they are

I'm not b u am I? In wanting to tell them to piss off angry

Fratelli Wed 28-Oct-15 08:58:32

You were lovely to them, it must be terrifying having a newborn in a new country. Your family are being knobs! No point saying anything I don't think as they're unlikely to change their opinion.

Gottagetmoving Wed 28-Oct-15 09:03:10

You don't have to say anything to them. You are a grown woman and can make friends with whoever you like.
May have helped if you had just said you met a woman with no family or friends and not gone into the details of where she comes from, if it is not important.

MackerelOfFact Wed 28-Oct-15 09:03:46

What has it got to do with them anyway? You're free to talk to, help out or befriend anyone you want!

Esmeismyhero Wed 28-Oct-15 09:34:00

gotta I was just talking about the family and how scary it must be and they asked where they came from. I didn't think it would illicit the reaction I got but it did, I couldn't take the info back.

GruntledOne Wed 28-Oct-15 09:48:43

Surely you responded when they carried on lecturing you? I assume they were trying to justify what they said?

redstrawberry10 Wed 28-Oct-15 09:51:51

Is Islam the problem? Maybe your family doesn't like it. That doesn't excuse their behaviour.

I find people who have no sympathy for the plight of immigrants somewhat cold. I came to this country as a native english speaker from America with a nice job lined up and even then it's not easy, so forget having small DC and not speaking english and culture shock.

Esmeismyhero Wed 28-Oct-15 10:11:19

When they carried on I just kept eyebrow raised and gave hmm face then changed the subject because trying to explain how it's wrong to judge would of fell on deaf ears.

I don't discuss religion etc with them or politics just no point and yes they voted ukip.

Leelu6 Wed 28-Oct-15 10:14:51


Terrible advice. Why should the OP have to hide the nationality of those she talks to? That's enabling her family's behaviour.

OnlyLovers Wed 28-Oct-15 10:19:47

If explaining reasonably doesn't work, then just tell them you're not interested in their offensive opinions.

If they try to 'lecture' again talk over them, tell them again you're not interested. Leave the room or otherwise end the discussion. You don't have to put up with it.

OnlyLovers Wed 28-Oct-15 10:20:16

PS you sound lovely and I'm sure she appreciates you reaching out to her like that. thanks

scatterthenuns Wed 28-Oct-15 10:25:44

I just don't get British people who moved about thinking they are any superior to migrants/ are not migrants themselves!

Esmeismyhero Wed 28-Oct-15 10:29:05

scatter exactly my thoughts!! Dm grew up in the Middle East, ddad was stained in the Middle East! Dm had a rich family who had maids etc which was normal in those days, ddad didn't though.

As a family we have lived all over, travelled extensively and parents have only been back in uk for a few years so I was thinking it was a bit backwards but WATEVER

Esmeismyhero Wed 28-Oct-15 10:30:30

Well I've made a coffee date for next week! She seems like a lovely person. I remember the colicky newborn stage well

Gottagetmoving Wed 28-Oct-15 11:37:54

Terrible advice. Why should the OP have to hide the nationality of those she talks to? That's enabling her family's behaviour

Leelu6 She shouldn't have to 'hide' it. I was commenting that if the Nationality was not important, as OP claimed it wasn't, why she mentioned it at all.
I don't think to tell people the Nationality of people I have met. I just tell them I met a person.
Later,..OP explained that her family asked her.

OnlyLovers Wed 28-Oct-15 11:44:48

But it would have naturally come up if you were telling someone about a person you'd just met who had no friends or family nearby.

I'd say 'this lovely woman who's alone because she's just moved here from Spain' if I met someone here in London who had moved alone from Spain. Or 'this lovely woman who's alone because she's just moved here from Bristol', for that matter.

It doesn't mean I have particular views on people from Spain or Bristol, it would just be weirder NOT to mention it than it would to drop it in as you talked about them.

elementofsurprise Wed 28-Oct-15 12:09:01

Not suggesting it's valid, but what's her reasoning behind this?
She thinks they're untrustworthy people? They're stealing our jobs? What?

I'm guessing the large house with staff didn't exactly foster an attitude of equality...

<observes that having a baby seem to improve social chances rather than crush them... hmm>

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