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AIBU?

To think DH is too involved with FB

69 replies

Maybemable · 27/10/2015 19:30

I know this complaint is nothing new but I am feeling more and more annoyed with the time DH spends on FB. He is a musician and claims the 1000 plus FB friends he had are necessary for networking. In practice he is on there at least 10 X a day commenting often on childish posts by people in his network I've never heard of. Today's haul included a comment on a pic of a naked woman holding up a cat in front of her fanny. He rarely sees posts I make about funny things the kids have said or done because he's so busy with all his "friends." A mutual friend of ours who recently joined FB couldn't believe how active he was. It would be fine if I felt he was fully engaged with our family but I don't. He rarely makes things happen on his own intitiative and has to be reminded loads of times to do the things in his to do list. I feel he'd rather invest in a relationship with a thousand FB friends - many of them women than invest in his real world family. He does find his job boring so possibly FB is his outlet. He's going to be lucky to hold on to the job at this rate and that will be something else for me to sort out. I have asked him to cut down on his FB activity - he says he will but doesn't. Am concerned I will come across as controlling if I force the issue. It kind of is harmless - it just underlines my perception of him as a big kid who doesn't want to face his real life responsibilities.
I like FB too but I have far fewer friends - they are nearly all female and he knows most of them. Does anyone else have this problem?

OP posts:

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AnyFucker · 27/10/2015 19:35

Every musician I have ever heard about has been a complete twat.

What are the chances ?

MistressDeeCee · 28/10/2015 02:27

I had this exact problem with my ex - in the end his obsession with FB incluing his adoring FB harem put paid to our relationship. I kicked him out. But in reality he'd checked out of our relationship months before I did so.

I've heard all the talk about FB "its not FB its the person they have a choice". Well yes they do have a choice but when someone chooses FB over you its because something is missing in their life and FB is a quick fix. You can be who you want to be on there. All of it is time away from real-life. In my exes case the whole world was against him..he blamed his parents, colleagues, (very few) friends, boss, even his grown up children for all that was "wrong" in his life. He simply wasn't a trier...and it seemed to me it was easier to lose himself in FB. Except..thats empty time isn't it. The amount of things you could be doing if you weren't welded to FB.

All I can say in your case OP is your DH's "ear" is elsewhere and FB has so caught his attention as its his escape from some aspect of his life. Good luck with attempting to wean him off it somehow.Id love to have known at the time how to do that but it wasn't possible to my ex had to go. Its real people when all said and done on FB and I simply got bored and exasperated of having to wonder what the hell was going on and a man who was forever itching to get to his laptop, if it wasnt chatting to numerous "friends" he'd be mindlessly scrolling, or putting up worthy philosophical quotes (yawn) that in no way reflected how he lived his real life ie disgruntled with all of it & sitting at laptop on ever-expanding arse...ah well. My OP doesn't do FB hes not really interested in it and its bliss

I hope you get it sorted - go out, away from house and Facebook and have a serious talk. Never know, it might just jog him back to reality

Senpai · 28/10/2015 02:38

It's only good networking if they're actually buying tickets. Is he making revenue? If so he should treat it like a business and have specific hours he does that and consider it work.

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 28/10/2015 07:33

His musical empire is going to crash and burn if he doesn't 'like' every 'funny photo' on his feed.

Also anyfucker- agreed.

ChewlipsFromHamsterDan · 28/10/2015 07:36

Every musician I have ever heard about has been a complete twat.

What are the chances ?

You never consider changing that Any in your username to Nasty?

MythicalKings · 28/10/2015 07:39

My DH is a muso and isn't a twat. Isn't on FB either.

tinymeteor · 28/10/2015 07:40

If he's on it constantly for work then he's a workaholic who needs to be getting offline and prioritise spending some time with his family (and pitching in with the domestic stuff) no different than if he was a city worker glued to his blackberry.

Alternatively it's not really work, he's being an overgrown adolescent and giggling with his mates instead of being a partner to you. Sounds a bit more like the latter, sadly. Kick up the arse time?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/10/2015 08:06

If he's more bothered about 'networking' on FB than participating in family life then you've got a problem.

You won't be controlling to tell him to stop commenting on stupid photos and be a grown up rather than a sniggering arse pounding the keys liking daft posts.

WizardOfToss · 28/10/2015 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IheartMallum · 28/10/2015 08:11

AF being as charmless as usual. Ironic really

ChewlipsFromHamsterDan · 28/10/2015 08:12

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 28/10/2015 08:15

I doubt that looking at pictures on FB of naked women is furthering his musical career very much.

Are we talking a person whose full time job is a musician or someone who plays in pub bands and still dreams of playing the 02?

Not that it makes a difference in the looking at naked women thing, obviously, which just makes him sound 14.

WorkingBling · 28/10/2015 08:15

Dh is a musician and yes, he uses fb to network. But, it doesn't impact on normal life and sometimes if he is particularly promoting something he will set aside specific time to do so across all social media.

Good networking isn't random liking on a Facebook page. It's thoughtful and targeted and designed with a specific goal in mind!

Tell him to do it properly or stop.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 28/10/2015 08:17

I don't think AF is much interested in being charming.

She's generally got these menchildren sussed though.

popandboo · 28/10/2015 08:17

Im a musician. I dont have these issues and either do my colleagues.

Got to be honest, many people use it as an excuse for their partners bad behaviour 'oh hes a musician / artist / actor' as if theres not a full work force of us out there living a normal life.
You dont get many people saying 'oh, he's an account so.....' and im sure there are plenty of arsehole accountants out there.

His issue with facebook is nothing to do with his chosen profession.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 28/10/2015 08:18

I use FB for networking too. I keep a page on there for my business, and a page on there for a blog I connect to my business.

Funnily enough, I don't seem to have 1000+ people posting pics of their dick to me though. I must be missing out on what networking really is.

Or maybe not.

ChewlipsFromHamsterDan · 28/10/2015 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 28/10/2015 08:20

My dp in a musician, he has his family and very close friends on FB, he doesn't spend hours liking things and his 'networking' involves actively getting gigs by phoning/emailing the places he plays at.

Its a FB obsession your dp has, nothing to do with having to 'network' constantly.

Would people really pay to see him play just because he likes something on FB?

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 28/10/2015 08:23

You won't get deleted for that.

Are you new?

ChewlipsFromHamsterDan · 28/10/2015 08:26

No, I'm not new. I've had tamer comments than that deleted before though.

123Jump · 28/10/2015 08:30

The OP is looking for advice, so now probably isn't the time to have another thread on whether or not you like/dont like certain posters.
OP, I have friends who are addicted to FB/their iPhone. They're not in bands or musicians. So don't think this issue is actually related to his music stuff. Lots of people just can't put the bloody phone down or miss 2 seconds of FB. That seems to me to be the problem.
Maybe time to get tough OP. And stick to your threats. Otherwise he really won't change.

BerylCreep · 28/10/2015 08:54

I agree that he is checking out of your RL relationship. That's the problem. The Facebook issue is a symptom, and he is talking crap about it being about networking.

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AnyFucker · 28/10/2015 09:57

Chew, thanks for making my day

Yay! Some musicians that are not twats ! Now could we have some Audi drivers that are not twats ? I drive an Audi. ..it's about perception innit

Chew, my perception of you is that you might be a twat.

BerylCreep · 28/10/2015 10:02

I drive 2 different audis, and I don't think I'm a twat (although in fairness, most twats don't think they're twats, so who knows?)

Fairenuff · 28/10/2015 10:02

We all might be twats but let's not be on this thread, eh?

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