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To think there's nothing wrong with my attitude to work?

(57 Posts)
Turnerandsmooch Sun 25-Oct-15 14:43:28

For a bit of background , the children in my DC class are quite comfortably well off - nice houses , nice cars and such like . Most are professionals in employment .

I have worked since the age of 15, granted not in a professional career , but in a job which requires some skills .

Anyway , at one of the children's party today and sitting with one of the parents I always get on with - he's nice in general but most of the conversation revolves around his work and his accomplishments .

We were talking about how hard it is to juggle working and home life , children's clubs etc.

The conversation turned to careers and he said he didn't understand why I didn't work longer hours . hmm I was informed that he works long hours , his children are in childcare from 8 am until 6pm , five days per week and he doesn't see why everyone doesn't do this hmm

I explained politely that whilst there is nothing wrong with wanting a career , it wasn't what I wanted . I said I would rather work less and have less materialistic items , but have more time with my children . Apparently this attitude is the problem with the UK shock

Granted , we live in an ok house (needs work ) , we don't have flashy cars or great careers , but my children have memories of me being home from work early , being at home when they are poorly etc.

Surely there is nothing wrong with this ? As there is nothing wrong with his career focused lifestyle .

I feel very very small and want to avoid him from now on blush

Turnerandsmooch Sun 25-Oct-15 14:45:11

I also don't want his children round for play dates as I'm ashamed of the house we live in in comparison to the other children sad

laffymeal Sun 25-Oct-15 14:46:03

He's an arsehole, don't give him a minute more headspace.

laffymeal Sun 25-Oct-15 14:47:53

If you want to buy into that horrible snobby mindset, more fool you.

IrenetheQuaint Sun 25-Oct-15 14:47:55

He's just a massive twat. Avoid him in future. You know perfectly well that there's nothing wrong with your approach to life - indeed it sounds much nicer than his!

expatinscotland Sun 25-Oct-15 14:48:20

Oh, fuck him off. Fucking knobber.

KatieLatie Sun 25-Oct-15 14:52:22

There is nothing wrong with it at all.

DS is at a very similar school. The mums are a mix of SAHMs, people who work more relaxed jobs and career women. I have heard some similar attitude from the other mums, but I love being there for DS (pick-up, clubs, play dates, school holidays, when he is sick etc) and don't want it any other way (despite having a very good post-grad degree and working for a top consultancy in my youth...). Horses for courses.

BondJayneBond Sun 25-Oct-15 14:52:41

Ignore him.

Your career choices are just as valid as his.

Abraid2 Sun 25-Oct-15 15:03:27

He is an idiot and should mind his own damn business.

rookiemere Sun 25-Oct-15 15:05:59

I wouldn't worry about your house for having DCs round to play - they won't notice at all, they'll probably just be glad that they're missing a day of afterschool.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads Sun 25-Oct-15 15:07:46

Nope, if anything, it's his attitude that is the problem with the UK.

BeaufortBelle Sun 25-Oct-15 15:08:07

We lived in one of the big houses and had/have a high standard of living. DH is a workaholic and I have a very strong work ethic although was a sahm when they were little. Neither of us are crass and would have valued your point of view. I'd have been mortified if anyone had been embarrassed to entertain my dc in their home. My dc were and are as happy as Larry wherever there was fun and love. Hasn't bothered them a bit if their friends have been not well off.

Take no notice of arses op.

Somanyvipers Sun 25-Oct-15 15:08:32

YANBU, who on earth on their deathbed wished they had spent more time at work building a career? Life outside of work is surely more important, spending time with loved ones, pursuing ones interests, seeing the world....anything but bloody work!

lavent Sun 25-Oct-15 15:09:02

Ignore him.

Everyone has to make the right decision for their family. You're making the right one for yours and that's all you need to worry about!

Fairylea Sun 25-Oct-15 15:10:07

Take no notice of him.

No one on their deathbed ever wished they'd worked more hours (as someone unthread said).

Panickingalot Sun 25-Oct-15 15:10:31

He is projecting his own insecurities onto you. He is an arsehole. You sound like a great balanced parent.

rookiemere Sun 25-Oct-15 15:14:05

Just another thought about your house. My parents both worked and I had a lovely CM where I became part of the family. I loved going there as the house was full of joy and love, and I played with their DD and DS. I never noticed that they lived in a small terraced council house rather than our big detached house.

TravellingHopefully12 Sun 25-Oct-15 15:16:06

How rude of him! Ignore people like this - how dare he say that to you?

AgentCooper Sun 25-Oct-15 15:18:49

He's an arse. But he also doesn't sound very happy with his life - what he was saying sounds a lot more about him than you.

I do find competitive career chat, who is the most overworked, who is the most tired, who does the most overtime, really exhausting but I've learned not to let it bother me. I went from a PhD to a job which I really enjoy but which isn't highly paid or seen as particularly illustrious and I have had to bite my tongue at times to tell people that I don't care about being a 'high flyer.'

beetrootpickle Sun 25-Oct-15 15:20:04

Oh ignore such arseholiness.

This isn't really a debate about careers vs stay-at-home - it is more that he was an arrogant idiot.

minimalist000001 Sun 25-Oct-15 15:21:52

He's very rude and materialistic by the sounds of it

Plomino Sun 25-Oct-15 15:28:32

He sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than you . If you are happy with your choices , then stuff his opinion .

Draylon Sun 25-Oct-15 15:28:42

Helen Lewis "There's more to life than working hard"

Youarentkiddingme Sun 25-Oct-15 15:29:45

Feel sorry for someone who's life is not satisfied by loved ones.

As long as you can provide food, clothes and warmth to your family in materialistic terms then your well off IMO.

I had a conversation with someone the other day and said when you die your headstone reads "loving mum, dad etc to...." Not "homeowner, mortgage free, left £1m estate...."

I've also found lately how it's amazing that people in these high flying career convent oh forget their own parents paid for uni etc for them. I begrudge no one anything but society is vast - and personally I think that's what enriches my life.

Squeegle Sun 25-Oct-15 15:32:22

How rude! He's entitled to his attitude, and you are to yours. But respect is due and he didn't show any! He is obviously rather insecure and self centred if all you talk about is his job all the time!!

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