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To be really taken aback by this

(164 Posts)
Whatwasshethinking Fri 23-Oct-15 19:18:13

I have namechanged as I know the details will out me/the teacher.

DS was playing an instrument in assembly today so I went to watch. All was fine and at the end I went to leave. I completely by accident stepped in front of a teacher (not DS's teacher) and apologised for getting in her way. The response was 'you will be sorry when you have a broken nose.'

shock

I must have looked horrified as she then started talking very fast, saying her dad always said it and that 'hello - it's a JOKE.' I just walked away.

When I went to pick DS up she came to find me and apologised properly this time, and I said it was fine as I couldn't think what else to say.

But I'm not being unreasonable to be hmm wtf - am I?!

waitingforcalpoltowork Fri 23-Oct-15 19:20:54

no yanbu i would be a bit ???? about that too and being me i would probably complain the teacher needs a sense of humour overhaul it was a totally inappropriate remark to make your at a school not a nightclub after a drink or three

cariadlet Fri 23-Oct-15 19:22:25

Very odd, but it took some guts for her to seek you out to apologise - she must have been mortified to have unthinkingly blurted out a comment like that, and probably spent the rest of the day dreading having to face you. I'd just forget it now.

mamapants Fri 23-Oct-15 19:23:06

I'm assuming they meant you would be sorry if not looking where you were going got you knocked over by accident not that she was threatening to break your nose

Whatwasshethinking Fri 23-Oct-15 19:23:40

The cynic in me thinks it wasn't guts so much as worrying that I could report her for threatening physical violence hmm but while I wont be doing that, I am not going to forget it in a hurry either!

Whatwasshethinking Fri 23-Oct-15 19:25:06

mama, she didn't, part of the explanation with 'my dad always said it' was that 'I will break your nose!'

I think at first she thought my shock look was because I didn't understand what she'd said, not 'why the fuck did you just threaten to punch my nose because I accidentally got under your feet a bit!'

Hoplikeabunny Fri 23-Oct-15 19:25:21

YANBU to be shocked, but YWBU to take it any further. The fact that she came to find you after school probably means she'd been stewing and panicking about I all day, and was clearly sorry. It was a bad joke made to the wrong audience, but we've all said things we shouldn't and then instantly regretted it!

SummerNights1986 Fri 23-Oct-15 19:26:41

My Grandad used to say this to me! It was kind of our thing. If I bumped him or got in his way or did anything wrong and said 'sorry' he'd reply with 'You will be sorry when you've got a broken nose!' whilst shaking his fist at me in mock-anger. Then we'd laugh.

It probably sounds odd to others? I can well believe it might have been an in-joke in her family, with her saying her dad used to say it.

I wonder where her mind was to come out with it in that situation though! I bet she was absolutely mortified op.

PamBagnallsGotACollage Fri 23-Oct-15 19:27:47

It does sound like maybe it's a silly family in-joke and it just slipped out. I often say, 'you will be' to my husband in a mock Eastenders voice when he apologises for bumping into me. With her explanation it sounds like she has a similar joke going with her dad and just blurted it out. Teachers are people too and try really hard not to do things like swear when they drop things on their feet or a large wooden roll play frame fall on their backs when they are heavily pregnant (happened to me) etc. because you just can't swear in front of a class full of children. But sometimes they do silly things like what you've described in moments of stress like a school concert.

I'd let it go. I'm pretty sure she didn't really mean she was going to smash your face in or she wouldn't have been so mortified that she apologised twice.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 23-Oct-15 19:28:15

If she says it to you so easily I bet she's said it to the kids in her charge sometimes too.

Totally inappropriate. Report it.

cuntycowfacemonkey Fri 23-Oct-15 19:28:43

Oh dear what a prat she is probably feeling. I have no doubt it was a joke but totally inappropriate to say to a parent. Hopefully she is sat at home cringing.

Did she actually say the words "Hello - it's a joke"? because that was pretty rude and I'd be more hmm about that than the badly judged joke

PamBagnallsGotACollage Fri 23-Oct-15 19:28:54

Oops! Role play! Not roll play!

VashtaNerada Fri 23-Oct-15 19:28:58

It's the kind of stupid thing my dad would say (in an entirely affectionate way)! And I suppose sometimes silly phrases from home do accidentally come out when we're not expecting it. I wouldn't complain, especially as she's apologised.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 23-Oct-15 19:29:24

Obviously don't report that you felt in danger of physical violence - but it was highly inappropriate and needs mentioning.

Whatwasshethinking Fri 23-Oct-15 19:30:09

I have let it go in the sense that I'm not going to take it any further (I probably wouldn't have even if she apologised) but I don't think it's a case of trilling 'teachers are human as well you know'.

Bet she wouldn't have said it to Grant Mitchell lookalikes!

And I am pissed off. Joke or no, when I go to my child's school and apologise I expect a polite 'it's fine' not a threat to break my nose, funny joke or no hmm

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 23-Oct-15 19:30:41

Yes and "hello - it's a joke" is aggressive and inappropriate too.

This will not be the only incident of her being like this and I would put money on her being inappropriate with the kids in her charge when she's under stress.

This needs to be passed on to the head teacher.

CanadianJohn Fri 23-Oct-15 19:30:50

Some years ago, just after the Columbine school shootings, I was in a secondary school; one girl (maybe age 17) took umbrage at my instructions, and said "oh, I could just hit you!"

"Oh I don't think so," I said, "there's far too much violence in the schools."

And that was the end of it, though I was a bit shock

BlueJug Fri 23-Oct-15 19:31:13

It is so obviously a joke. How on earth could anyone think any differently. Poor woman.

It's an amusing, tension-lightening saying - and even though you might not have heard it before it is clearly one of those things designed to turn what could be difficult into something light.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 23-Oct-15 19:31:50

The point is she is in charge of kids and has displayed bad judgement, anger and inappropriate interpersonal skills.

It does need to be reported and not just because you were insulted (although that's enough, imo).

Whatwasshethinking Fri 23-Oct-15 19:31:57

Even if she didn't apologise, that should say.

The problem is, when someone says something like that - and it was clear it was intended to be a "joke" - but the problem wasn't I felt under actual physical threat but that the onus on me was clearly to laugh and be a good sport and I didn't feel like being when someone threatened to break my nose, no matter how hilarious the intention.

<grumpy bitch>

Cel982 Fri 23-Oct-15 19:32:16

It was a poorly-placed joke, and she's obviously mortified. I'd let it go. Hours ago, in fact.

Whatwasshethinking Fri 23-Oct-15 19:33:28

Why is accidentally stepping in someone's way a difficult situation?!

In my world, you step in someone's path 'excuse me' 'oops, sorry' 'thank you.'

Not difficult at all and no breaking of noses!

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 23-Oct-15 19:36:08

As I've said upthread, you need to report this. If she thinks that's socially ok, then god knows how she interacts with the kids in her care.

It's the "hello - it a joke?!" which really underlines the fact that her behaviour is problematic.

Whatwasshethinking Fri 23-Oct-15 19:38:19

I think it was really inappropriate but hopefully she has learned from it and won't do it again.

For the record - while I'm not going to complain (as I said from the start and someone has gone and stated on another thread that I am) I am a victim of recent domestic violence, so do forgive me if I'm not falling about with laughter about threats to have my nose broken.

It really isn't funny. No matter how much you roar with laughter about it with your relatives, to me, it's not funny.

If that's quite all right with some of you.

PunkrockerGirl Fri 23-Oct-15 19:38:19

Report it? hmm
Fuck sake.

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