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To think my exH ....

(28 Posts)
Lolimax Fri 23-Oct-15 15:46:43

Should have picked different hymns at his mothers funeral than the 2 we had at our wedding? Honestly it's not often I'm lost for words but on this occasion I was.

LittleRedSparke Fri 23-Oct-15 15:48:01

maybe he only knows 2 hymn?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Fri 23-Oct-15 15:53:16

Are they the only two he likes?

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 23-Oct-15 15:56:05

I had a secular wedding but like Amazing Grace so we had it (sneakily). I wouldn't mind it at my funeral either.

Which were they?

knackered69 Fri 23-Oct-15 16:01:45

Maybe he's not great on hymns and happens to like those.Maybe with his mum dying he is trying to get through. Planning funerals can be tricky and you haven't got a lot of time. Maybe it's not all about you?

Sighing Fri 23-Oct-15 16:03:22

Did he suggest them. Is she at all possibly the person who suggested them to him?

Damselindestress Fri 23-Oct-15 16:09:11

Are you serious? His mum has died and you are critiquing his choice of music?! I don't know what went on between you two but if you hate him that much why did you even go to the funeral? Lucky you were lost for words as I don't think they would have been what he would have wanted to hear!

Axekick Fri 23-Oct-15 16:13:04


LadyLonely1 Fri 23-Oct-15 16:13:16

FFS get over yourself. His mother has passed away and you're upset about this?? Your poor dh.

Lolimax Fri 23-Oct-15 16:15:47

She didn't come to our wedding as she hated me. I know he choose them as she didn't leave any plans. The hymns were All Things Bright And Beautiful and Dear Lord And Father Of Mankind.
The reason I went was to take my DC's. I just thought of all the hymns in all the world he might have chosen 2 different ones.

PaulAnkaTheDog Fri 23-Oct-15 16:16:12

Wow. It takes a real talent to somehow make someone's death about you. Yab massively unreasonable.

Lolimax Fri 23-Oct-15 16:17:47

Oh and he didn't tell the Minister she left behind 4 grandchildren and he didn't think it was relevant and then didn't know the names of his 2 nieces.

AliceInUnderpants Fri 23-Oct-15 16:18:27

Maybe it was a secret message that he wants you back.

Maybe it was telling you that you (and your wedding) are as good as dead to him.

Maybe, just maybe, it isn't all about YOU!!

LadyLonely1 Fri 23-Oct-15 16:18:51

You clearly loathed them both so why are you so concerned?

VimFuego101 Fri 23-Oct-15 16:19:20

I think you are being a bit silly. Presumably he chose them because he likes them. I could probably only think of two hymns I like since I'm not particularly religious.

icanteven Fri 23-Oct-15 16:31:20

Am obv. completely alone in this, but it is a bit grim. But it's obviously more about of lack of imagination/knowledge/being on the ball than a dig at you, and I think you get that, right?

ShammyDavis Fri 23-Oct-15 16:34:05

You both lack imagination if those were your choices.

Lolimax Fri 23-Oct-15 16:35:16

Icant yes I get that. It just reminded me how sad our marriage actually was. I knew the choice of hymns were nothing to do with me, he's agnostic and there were probably the only 2 he could think of. My kids were mortified they weren't acknowledged but know what he's like. But hey ho. She's been laid to rest and I'll probably never set eyes on him again.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 23-Oct-15 16:40:08

I do think I would privately have raised an eyebrow.

But thinking back to my ex-MIL's funeral, even though she didn't like me, it was her funeral and her family were so upset. I comforted exDH and his family because a grieving person is a grieving person no matter that they are a bit of a knobber normally.

Shutthatdoor Fri 23-Oct-15 16:41:44

Are you serious? His mum has died and you are critiquing his choice of music?! I don't know what went on between you two but if you hate him that much why did you even go to the funeral? Lucky you were lost for words as I don't think they would have been what he would have wanted to hear!

^ this

Axekick Fri 23-Oct-15 17:13:46

So she didn't like you, did she have anything to do with the kids?

I wasn't mentioned at my nanas funeral.....didn't realise that was a touchy subject.

My dad knows one hymn, think its called old rugged cross. It was his mums favourite. Anytime we have a wedding, christening etc.....dads suggestion is old rugged cross.

Mum always wants 'lord of the dance'.....most religious events in our family have one or the other.

I genuinely don't know why this is an issue.

Whatevva Fri 23-Oct-15 17:22:40

All things bright and beautiful seems to sung at the very least 75% of the funerals I have attended (as choir, usually). It is a hymn everyone knows and can sing, and seems to be the standard stand-by which is suggested.

Dear Lord and Father is fairly common too.

Whatevva Fri 23-Oct-15 17:23:52

Sorry - did not mean common in a derogatory sense. Just the frequent sense.

hefzi Fri 23-Oct-15 18:09:55

Those are the two hymns that non-church-goers choose for religious occasions, because virtually everyone knows them from primary school/Brownies/whatever - the fact you had them at your wedding makes it totally explicable (and predictable) that he picked the same ones for his mother's funeral. Plus, given that you are divorced, albeit with children, he probably doesn't remember his wedding day with all that much fondness. Even so, though, I highly doubt it was personal.

I also don't think it's personal that your children weren't acknowledged in a spiel by a vicar who (very likely, given choices of hymns) isn't personally known to the family - and I've also never actually been to a funeral where grandchildren have been mentioned, come to think of it: though as I suppose I gave the eulogy for one of my grandfathers, that almost counts. But I certainly didn't mention my siblings, my cousins, my mother or my aunt - because the people at the funeral know all that stuff anyway, and haven't come to play Family Ties but instead to remember the deceased.

Sorry if this is harsh - but I think you ABVU.

Lolimax Fri 23-Oct-15 18:44:04

Thanks all for your common sense- as usual! It was bugging me but you've made me see I was BU. Whatever my feelings he did loose his mum and I think with my head up my backside I lost sense of that.

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