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advice needed (pet related ).

(57 Posts)
woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:06:59

Posting here for traffic and opinions .

We as a family made hard to decision to rheometer our cat trixy (she is 3). We came to this decision after exploring other avenues and a lot of debating, but it was best thing for all of us . She wasn't keen on our youngest ds and had scratched him more than once and more impotantly we simple arent here enough for her and neighbours have menioned yhe constant meowing when we are out , Other than that she is the perfect cat . So anyway we found a perfect family for her last week they have 2 teenagers and another female cat . They came and collected her on monday and now have began calling saying she there other cat doesn't like her ( don't know what they where expecting after 3 days confused ) .
They want to bring her back and get there money back (token amount and not important at all). My main concern is eldest dd has aspergers and this whole thing has been hard enough on her without confusing the life out of her by bringing the cat back, but what can I do ? I don't want cat suffering but if she returns I don't know how to explain it to the kids . It doesn't seem fair on anyone . Wwyd ?

honeyroar Thu 22-Oct-15 21:10:20

Poor cat. You owe it to the cat to take it back and find it a better home. Have you tried any rescues?

TheoriginalLEM Thu 22-Oct-15 21:14:47

Well it certainly isn't fair on the cat!!! maybe you shold have tried getting your youngest not to pull it about and it woudlnt have scratched him.

Contact your local cats protection league, they will be able to help.

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:16:06

It's horrible situation , I wish that had though clearly before getting another cat . I have tried local rescues and most are full to bursting , I hate idea of her stuck in a cage until she gets rwhomed. I thought I was doing right thing finding her a home that would love her but alas it's not gone well. They said she has been perfect and the lady is desperate to keep her but their cat mill has not stocked growling and hiding from her.

SunshineAndShadows Thu 22-Oct-15 21:18:54

Rehoming her to a house with another cat is unlikely to work. You need to take her back, protect her from your 3 year old and look for an appropriate home for her

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:19:11

I can assure you I didn't let ds pull her around , she has always liked her own space which is hard to explain to a 1 year old . The times she has scratched him has been when he is simple tried to touch her or get a toy she has took etc. I know it isn't fair on the cat that is why I have done this .

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:22:30

I didn't know they had another cat until they arrived to collect her , our youngest is 1 cat is 3 . I have spent last month finding a suitable home for her I had ruled a lot of people out that aren't suitable for her and these people sounded perfect in theory I just wish they had been upfront about the other cat , I dont know how to explain this to dd she has spent last few days heartbroken and is just finally coming to terms with this and now I will have to bring her back and do it all over again.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 22-Oct-15 21:22:53

Its such a shame when animals no longer fit in with our lifestyle sad

Booboostwo Thu 22-Oct-15 21:25:46

Take the cat back, keep the 1yo away from her and get her some pheromones for the stress. If you decide to rehome again do it through a reputable charity.

honeyroar Thu 22-Oct-15 21:27:25

Surely every other household with a cat and a toddler has to go through them learning not to poke and prod a cat? Can't you put a stair gate up so the cat can have a safe space? We've just got a new dog and done this so the cats can get some peace while the dog learns not to bug them...

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:28:23

What exactly should I have done LEM? We inherited her after dhs mother passed away 18 months ago . In retrospect maybe we should have rwhomed her then but ds hadn't been born yet and we wanted her to be with people she knew . It's not a lifestyle choice we didn't get a cat willy nilly then change our minds we have tried every other approach we can but she just isn't happy with us what more can we do for her ?

TheoriginalLEM Thu 22-Oct-15 21:30:18

You can provide her with a bolt hole for when your DS is being boisterous. You can buy cat pheremones to have in the house to help her calm down.

How does this unhappiness manifest itself?

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:31:26

Honeyroar if it was just scratching we would keep her and it would no doubt be resolvable it's the separation issues she has which are the main issue we have tried diffusers etc. She is stuck in a tiny flat when we are out till late working and it's not fair on her to be left here upset every day .

Keeptrudging Thu 22-Oct-15 21:35:30

3 days isn't long for cats to get to know each other. Sounds like they've just flung them in the same room and expected them to get on. My older cats still growl/hiss at the younger ones if they get too close, and it's only been a few weeks since they were all in the same space (with 6 weeks of slow introductions/sniffing through cat carrier/feeding treats/eating side by side). They need to separate them and do things slower!

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:36:45

She has plenty of bolt holes and that is where she spends 99% of her time which in itself is horrible for her , ds isn't some demon child he is gentle and loving he doesn't hurt her or even really bother with her he tends to avoid her when he sees her.

She cries and is destressed when we leave her in for long periods which is fairly often we both work long hours and go away at weekend quite a lot to help out my dad and mother (the stay in another city and dad has ms). We haven't been away overnight in weeks as we don't want to upset her anymore than we need too . We have took her to vet and she is fit and healthy .

honeyroar Thu 22-Oct-15 21:40:22

What area are you in? Perhaps someone can help? A succession of rejections won't help this cat if she already has separation anxiety.

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:40:29

Keeptrudging exactly my thoughts on it , they must have expected then to get on straight away. The have been very unrealistic and caused me a lot of stress now .

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 21:48:24

Honeyroar we are in Cumbria , if we can't find the right home we will keep her of course I just want her to be a happy and don't feel right now she is .

Janeymoo50 Thu 22-Oct-15 22:01:56

Yes rescues are full to bursting at present but go back to them and ask if they will do a direct rehome....as in they "advertise" her on their website but she stays with you. Not all do it, CHAT in Lewisham do. Is the Feliway still plugged in? Maybe speak to your vet about Zylkene, it's a tablet for stressed cats. But please don't advertise her on Scumtree. I understand your frustrations, but it's tough out there in cat rescue land at present, the 2nd kitten season of the year is upon us and there is honestly no room at the Inn for many struggling charities.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Thu 22-Oct-15 22:07:18

Take her back and use a feliway plug in.

Ds won't be a toddler forever.

Can she go outside while you are out?

Cat flap?

TheoriginalLEM Thu 22-Oct-15 22:08:29

Try your local vets too. they often have people looking for cats.

woollyandtig Thu 22-Oct-15 22:09:36

Felliway is still in, I will definitely ask vet about that though .
She can't go outside unfortunately we are in a flat and no direct access outside

PurpleHairAndPearls Fri 23-Oct-15 08:04:53

I'm sorry, "get their money back"?! You actually sold her for money. I can't get over that.

I actually think you should really try and rehome her to a suitable home with a responsible pet owner. Have you tried every single shelter? If I was nearer and could have her I would offer. Perhaps a local MNer might have advice.

Why don't you post in the Litter Tray and someone might have local knowledge? GWhy on earth would you want "opinions" on AIBU anyway? You should know you have behaved irresponsibly).

ThreeRuddyTubs Fri 23-Oct-15 08:08:59

Some people don't give away animals for free to deter people who want bait animals. Nothing wrong with asking for a token amount

PurpleHairAndPearls Fri 23-Oct-15 08:09:25

And you only say in your subsequent posts you didn't know about the cat, completely different from the impression of your OP. So either you knew or you didn't really research the new owners, before you sold (not rehomed, sold) her.

It really really pisses me off when people treat living creatures like this. I strongly advise you to ask to get this thread moved out of AIBU. If you report your post to MNHQ they may move it to the litter tray for you.

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