To feel sorry for him

[Thebestusernamesaretaken]

Left my abusive dh last year. A year on and there is contact as he wants to see the kids. He refuses to use a computer and struggles with real basics such as a mobile or the TV remote. Spoke to him Wednesday and he was complaining about his iPhone (he has little idea other than how to answer it) he then said (quite bitterly I thought) but I've always had someone to answer the phone for me. I just wonder what he's trying to achieve with comments like this.

[ImperialBlether]

He sounds like a fool if he's paying for an iPhone but only using it to answer calls! And what's that about always having someone to answer it? Did he treat you like a butler?

I would try not to think about him unless it's absolutely necessary. He was abusive and now he's trying to blame you because he can't use his phone?

[expatinscotland]

What Imperial said. I'd look at having his parental contact cut off, too. His kids don't need that kind of example.

[GruntledOne]

Does he have learning difficulties? Surely if he can answer an iPhone he ought to be capable of using it to dial out with.

[Mistigri]

It sounds like he has a learning difficulty. It's no excuse for trying to make you feel bad, but if he can't use a mobile or a TV remote then preumably he has difficulty with a lot of aspects of modern life.

[Justmyluck1]

I was going to add learning difficulties too.

He sounds horrible op.

[Thebestusernamesaretaken]

No learning difficulty that I know of, just laziness and an expectation that the world revolves around him. He considers himself too old to learn. The iPhone is an old one on payg so he can see picture messages. ( I wrote step by step instructions and he still struggles) I actually wondered if this is being manipulative and trying to make me guilty that I left. (Ie I wouldn't have to do it if you were still here)

[ArkhamOffitt]

Yep, I think you may be right there, OP. Home playing the needy useless twonk card isn't any kind of reason to stop him seeing his DC but you sure as hell don't need to buy in to it or humour him.

[AuntieStella]

It doesn't matter what he's trying to achieve.

Stay bright and breezy - none if this is any if your business any more. Just say 'Oh dear. Do let me know your new number if you have to change to get a handset you get on with"

[expatinscotland]

Why do people always have to assign an excuse when someone behaves like a twat? Depression, learning difficulty, autism, mental health issues. It's MN bingo. It's insulting to people who do have issues like these and don't behave like abusive arseholes.

He is being a manipulative twonk, OP. Just shrug him off as suggested, 'Oh, that's a shame. Well, give me a bell if you manage to work it all out.'

[KurriKurri]

My XH used to do stuff to do with computers and things for me, I wasn't very techno- savvy, so when we split up it was hard initially. So I made a conscious effort to learn - I took the attitude I am going to have to do these thing, I certainly don't want to call on him if I ever need help, so I made the effort and I educated myself. I am also quite old (55) and didn't grow up with computers fancy phones etc. I am fine with this kind of thing now, it doesn't take long to learn but you have to be willing to try.

He's being a manipulative lazy arse. tell him he needs to go on a course or something and learn because you can't do everything for him for ever.