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For you all to to tell me to get a grip please

(53 Posts)
ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 17:47:07

I think I just need some people to tell me to put my big girl pants on and get on with stuff really.

It's going to sound a bit garbled and a bit pathetic really.

I have periods where I just don't have any enthusiasm for anything. Can't be bothered to cook nice meals, play in any meaningful way with my son, do anything really. I feel really snappy and tired and sad. Then I give myself a stern talking to and it lifts.

I'm going through a period like this now and I am just so sick of it. Feel like I'm letting everyone down. I let things get on top of me. I'm meant to be working on a degree and I haven't done anything for a week on it and I'm kicking myself.

My son is an absolute delight, a really lovely little boy, and I'm just failing him on these days. We still do stuff. Today we went to the library and out for lunch but the TV has been on a lot and I haven't been my usual self where I play games with him. I think this is why I hate myself so much. He deserves a mum that's great and playful everyday and I feel massively guilty.

Maybe it's a bit of mild depression but it's not a constant thing. I took St john's wort a while back and that did help. But I can't take it anymore as I'm about to start a job where all medication like that would effectively see me out of a job.

Ugh I don't know. I think I just wanted to wrote it all down too. I sound really self absorbed and silly.

cdwales Thu 22-Oct-15 18:01:49

Well I recognise this sort of period cropping up in my life too. It is probably a reaction to the chemicals/hormones etc in one's body but it is a pain!
In the light of all that I have experienced (head injuries, depression, happy pills, psychotherapy) and bearing in mind your considerations, may I suggest having a real go at taking charge by studying and practising 'Mindfulness'? It is a simple, reliable, way of getting the conscious brain 'back on top'.
But also I found that being kind to oneself was an important concept. I wanted to be kind to everyone else but was tough on myself... My son was incredibly sensitive and observant from very young and we are very much in tune - so I knew that I had a particular responsibility to him. We now talk (he is a young man now) about moods and emotions and, by recognising them, accept them. As your son gets older and you can communicate with speech it is a good idea to name feelings and in recognising and accepting them one can move on!
You have taken a huge step here by recognising this...

DH2R Thu 22-Oct-15 18:04:13

I'm feeling similar to you at the moment sad

St John's Wort won't cause you to fail any drugs tests I don't think. And it doesn't impair your judgement in any way... at least it didn't for me when I took it many years ago.

If it works for you, maybe take it?

ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 18:09:25

I will have a look at 'Mindfulness' thanks. I do need some coping mechanisms and a way out of these feelings. It's so frustrating to feel like this!

Its not really drugs tests that's the problem, more that I have to declare any medication, even over the counter stuff and if there is a whiff of a side effect then my job will start me down the medical termination route.

ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 18:11:08

Sorry to hear you feel the same ewan. It's not a great place to be in sad

ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 18:11:22

Same way even!

Babytookacupwoo Thu 22-Oct-15 18:13:14

I think this is normal. Most people get like this don't they? It's just a bad week. It'll pass

ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 18:16:05

I don't know if most people do. I don't talk about it irl. I'm a bit worried that other people get on with things better whilst feeling like it really. Like I said, big girl pants and all that.

seaweedhead Thu 22-Oct-15 18:17:11

I go through phases like this too. Zero energy, feeling edgy and irritable, tearful over minor incidents. I put it down to hormones as there doesn't seem to be any particular trigger, though it doesn't happen every month. It happened last week- I'm beginning to think maybe the changing seasons has something to do with it.

Is st john's wort really classed as medication?

Babytookacupwoo Thu 22-Oct-15 18:20:40

I don't think anyone is full of energy and motivation and excitement all Of the time. Life goes in peaks and troughs. Sometimes you wake up and just a feel a bit crap- I think you're being too hard on yourself. Just accept it for what it is and wait it out. It'll go away.

AdjustableWench Thu 22-Oct-15 18:26:25

It does sound like you're a bit depressed, mainly because you're being so hard on yourself. If you can't take medication or herbal remedies, can you sign up for some counselling? Learning to practise mindfulness is also a really good idea.

Kids are very hard work, the prospect of a new job is extremely stressful (even if it's exciting), and life can just be overwhelming. It's normal to feel a bit shit sometimes, but once you start metaphorically beating yourself up you need to ask yourself whether there's something more going on.

You don't need to get a grip; you need to get some good support. You're not self-absorbed and you're not silly. You're just having a rough time at the moment, and you need some kindness (including from yourself to yourself!).

Coconutmummy Thu 22-Oct-15 18:27:30

St. John's wart is not medication.

There is no employer who will be able to sack you for taking it.

Sorry you are in a low mood. If you notice it lasts longer than 3 times in a week speak to your GP and access psychotherapy to help. Personally, I don't consider this to be highly unusual. I change behaviourally around my period. Not low in mood, but very very unreasonable. In RL, I am easily adaptable and find this disconcerting. Hope tomorrow brings brighter spirits and more energy

WhoseBadgerIsThis Thu 22-Oct-15 18:28:17

How about a trip to the GP and see if they could put you on the list for some talking therapy? You could also discuss with them if it might be hormonal (could consider the pill/different pill), or seasonal (could try light boxes)

ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 18:37:00

Thanks for all the kind comments and suggestions. Just about to put son to bed. I feel bad for him though. I want to be a super great mum. I need a way of sucking it up and mustering energy when I don't feel like I have any.

WhoseBadgerIsThis Thu 22-Oct-15 18:40:01

Hang on there - most of the time you have a great time playing with your kid, and on the times when you feel bad, you still play with your kid and go out and do stuff. You sound like a fabulous mum!!

Sodder Thu 22-Oct-15 18:40:22

OP I've PMed you.

catfordbetty Thu 22-Oct-15 18:46:34

I think feelings like the ones you describe are perfectly normal for lots of people. Your cure - a stiff word with yourself - was probably the standard treatment for generations! However, I think if your symptoms are bad enough and/or frequent enough you should consider doing more than that.

acquiescence Thu 22-Oct-15 18:49:47

What sort of job could you be doing where taking St. John's wort would see you out of a job? Or an anti depressant? Talking to your GP would be the first step, maybe look at getting some support through iapt. They can help you with motivation issues.

ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 19:23:03

Without outing myself, it's a job where any medication like that means that you are unable to do your full range of responsibilities, it's a job where I have to make decisions regarding safety of others. I did check the "banned" list and it's on there.

I think I will explore some ways to manage the feelings through Mindfulness etc. I'm loathed to go to GP but I might keep a diary for a while so I can see how often I feel like this and any patterns etc. and then have a think.

It is nice to talk about it though and get so many opinions and suggestions. Thanks flowers

Wobblystraddle Thu 22-Oct-15 19:29:06

I Feel exactly as you do - during low periods I eat too much, stop checking emails at work, avoid social stuff, stop engaging with dh. Then I emerge, a few weeks later, having to cope with everything I've neglected/fucked up.

You're not alone.

ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 19:33:12

Yes Wobbly I avoid meeting up with friends, can't be bothered with the conversation. Just want to sit in a silent room all day! Which obviously I can't.

Getyercoat Thu 22-Oct-15 19:37:10

One of the biggest myths we buy into today is that we're meant to be happy. Pretty much all the time.
We have been sold this by decades of marketing 'things' - buy this and you'll be happy! Go here and you'll be happy! Have this and you'll be happy! Take this and you'll be happy!

It's bollocks.
It is perfectly normal to feel a bit down, unmotivated, pissed off and irritable now and then. Perfectly normal.

Be kind to yourself. I read a book called The Compassionate Mind and found it enormously helpful.

CPtart Thu 22-Oct-15 19:42:32

Be aware that St Johns Wort can reduce the effectiveness of the contraceptive pill.

ThisFenceIsComfy Thu 22-Oct-15 20:25:06

Just to add more ramblings sorry.

I do feel that I get like this more since I've had my son. But maybe it's more apparent now I have him as someone really depends on my mood iyswim. At first I put it down to sleeplessness but tbh he sleeps fine now so it's not that really.

I do feel a lot of guilt that I'm not a "perfect parent" all the time. I do get myself down over not being a super happy mum all the time and it is just me and him a lot of the time. There's a lot of pressure on parents nowadays maybe and I don't have a lot of support with regards to family.

NationMcKinley Thu 22-Oct-15 20:32:11

I'm like this. Very like this. It doesn't seem related to my periods etc so I'm not sure what it is. I think the same as a lot of people have said, that it is essentially normal. Things that have helped me (or appeared to help me wink) are:

A few early nights
Being gentle on myself
A regular dose of vitamin d (do a MN search for the poster bettertobehealthy - some very interesting facts.
Reminding myself in the good old MN way that "this too shall pass."

I hope you feel better soon

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