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AIBU?

To ask for your experiences of living with a regular weed smoker?

107 replies

Bumpandkind · 22/10/2015 16:55

My dh has smoked weed daily since I've known him and he now seems moodier and with a shorter temper than ever. I know these can be side effects but then they can also be side effects of daily life. I find I'm walking on eggshells more and more. Any experience of this or advice? Thanks

OP posts:

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Flambola · 22/10/2015 17:07

I've never lived with anyone who smokes it regularly because I hate the stuff, frankly. I find people who use it daily to be apathetic and selfish. I have spent some time in a psychiatric unit as well where there were two men in there who had drug induced psychosis from it so I'm not convinced it's as harmless as some people would have you believe.

BertieBotts · 22/10/2015 17:08

Not me but a couple of friends have dated weed smokers. Both reported the same thing - seemed harmless at first but over time began to affect their personality :(

Walking on eggshells is not good.

LurkingHusband · 22/10/2015 17:11

What happens when he stops for a bit ?

If you can't answer that question ....

fearandloathinginambridge · 22/10/2015 17:14

It takes people so differently. I guess it Depends when they started smoking, what they smoke, how predisposed they are to mental illness. I know various people who smoke weed, can't say any of them is showing signs of psychosis, depression or other adverse impact.

It could be the weed or it could be there is something else going on that is stressing him out. You should tell him how you feel and ask him what he thinks is going on.

randomcatname · 22/10/2015 17:15

My dp smoked daily for years. He stopped sporadically and I noticed he became a lot moodier and discontented. It didn't bother me when we were younger and he stopped for good after dc were born. And started drinking. This escalated until this year he was having two bottles of wine a night and I caught him lying to me about drinking spirits a few months ago. I really lost it with him, told him I'd leave with the dc and he hasn't drank since.

I see a big difference in him. He's more active, our relationship is closer - I hadn't realised how much of a gulf there was between us before. The walking on eggshells thing you mention, OP, for me it was more feeling like I was making a fuss over nothing. But I wasn't happy and neither are you and that's the bottom line.

How long have you been together? Is your r/ship generally happy? Is he kind to you? Can you be yourself?

Bumpandkind · 22/10/2015 17:16

Full withdrawal of both weed and nicotine (say on a long haul flight) results in a very short fuse. Then on holiday if he's not able to get some results in nightmares or insomnia and irritability.

OP posts:

KwikQ · 22/10/2015 17:18

Oh God, I just couldn't!

I did it in my early 20s. He was a moody pain the arse whenever he couldn't get any weed, and a bore when he was stoned.

Tiggeryoubastard · 22/10/2015 17:23

What on earth are you doing with such a loser? Get rid, work on your esteem and boundaries. I guarantee you'll be happier.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 22/10/2015 17:23

I have a friend who used to smoke weed v regularly and apathetic and selfish as pp said would have described him perfectly if you add in defensive and occasionally mean (as in cruel) with his humour. I've noticed a change in him for the better recently which I think is because he has cut down.

TheCatsWhiskers · 22/10/2015 17:23

He has an issue and needs to address it. I left a previous relationship when he wouldn't admit there was a problem.

Also, the penalties in some countries can be very harsh for even a small amount of drugs. This is putting you in danger also as a possible accomplice.

SarahSavesTheDay · 22/10/2015 17:51

My husband smoked giant fuckloads when we first got married. He was doing a PhD in anthropology, so effectively de rigueur. It nearly drove us to divorce many times, thankfully he outgrew it.

HackerFucker22 · 22/10/2015 17:52

I live with a recovering addict and weed was his drug of choice.

It was fine when we were younger I smoked fags back then so I guess it was all a lot more "normal" to me

It came to a head when I was pregnant several years ago and I asked him to leave. He went to rehab / counselling and as I understand has not smoked it regularly for years (but will have the occasional lapse in certain surroundings, but can get back on the wagon again)

I'd kick him out in a heartbeat if he went back to his old ways and he knows this.

HackerFucker22 · 22/10/2015 17:54

I sounded a bit blase above - I know for a fact DP doesn't smoke it regularly and he can manage his lapses without it interfering with family life.

He has done a lot of work on himself and made a lot of changes, all for the better.

BlueJug · 22/10/2015 17:58

I had this experience too. I don't live with him now but I know it caused personality changes. He is off it now but I suspect long-term effects however cannot be sure as other factors in play, (age, relationship breakdown, money worries etc)

Cloppysow · 22/10/2015 18:15

My ex was a very heavy smoker. It was very boring. He was intollerant of everything, zoned out the whole time. It affected our intimacy. It would be an immediate turn off now if i met someone who smoked regularly.

Peaceloveandpartyrings · 22/10/2015 18:25

I was a very heavy weed smoker until about seven years ago, and so were most of the people I hung around with/lived with. I've had serious mental health problems since before I smoked, but they were much more intense when I was smoking. My ex stopped smoking for a week and had a psychotic episode which was very frightening. In my personal experience, yes, it can seriously affect your mental wellbeing and personality. "Walking on eggshells" is a very unhappy way to live your life, especially with someone who should love and protect you.

Bumpandkind · 22/10/2015 18:27

We've been together for 10 years and it's been a happy relationship but the cracks started to show when we had our ds. We were mutually selfish in our early 20s when we got together but now I've moved on and grown up, embracing motherhood and my 30s whereas he is still adjusting to it. I'm naturally quite a passive person and tend to do what's necessary to avoid confrontation or a moody sulk rather than argue. Stupid I know but I really hate arguments and tend to back down too readily.

OP posts:

Bumpandkind · 22/10/2015 18:30

I'm not always walking on eggshells. I can just tell when he's not happy, especially when he comes in from work and will minimise his triggers eg turn the volume down on TV, not leave buggy in front of the door.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 22/10/2015 18:40

I wouldn't stand for it if you have children. Does he smoke weed inside the house? If so, there is the risk of them turning up at school stinking of the stuff. It's also a bad example for the children, who will grow up thinking it's normal.

Bumpandkind · 22/10/2015 18:47

No, never inside. I am concerned about our ds (still tiny) will grow up seeing him smoking at all.

OP posts:

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 22/10/2015 18:47

God I can't stand the smell at all, have had housemates who smoked it before and I hated it! I certainly wouldn't have a relationship with someone who regularly smoked.

thequickbrownfox · 22/10/2015 18:56

You need to think long and hard about what you are teaching your dc by accommodating your dh's addiction and withdrawal periods by working round it all in the ways you describe. I've been in your shoes, and my life was effectively held to ransom by a selfish, moody man child who only really cared about his own self indulgence. It happened so gradually, I didn't even realise how much my own behaviour had been affected because of having to think ahead, anticipate his moods and try and smooth everything over so it all looked fine to everyone else.

thequickbrownfox · 22/10/2015 18:57

Habitual pot smokers are crap parents.

Claybury · 22/10/2015 18:59

As a side query - do people notice a general paranoia in weed smokers ?
Sad to say DS has smoked throughout his teens and I am starting to see a deep routed paranoia / obsession with conspiracy theories / distrust of the government's motives.
He smokes weekly rather than daily but started young.
It would be unacceptable to me in a partner but I have no choice with DC

Iflyaway · 22/10/2015 19:15

I smoke. I prefer something natural to relax with. Incidentally I never have to visit the GP either. Getting older and super healthy.

It does not make me apathetic and selfish...

Nor do I have paranoia.

LP, took care of aging parents, hold down a job, do my own cleaning, DS doing well blah blah

It's not the smoke, it's the personality.

By the way, check out Rick Simpson and see how cannabis oil is curing cancer..... but of course the pharmaceutical companies and govt. in their pockets bury those facts

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