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Huge quantity of Parental Guilt - WWY have Done?

(19 Posts)
WispaBubbles Thu 22-Oct-15 13:09:36

I work part time but I'm currently exploring a new career - this involves me volunteering in the industry I would like to join .

I was due to volunteer today - it was arranged months in advance and they were relying on me for extra support .

It is also DD2 pre school performance today - her first ever one and I had promised I would be there after I'd finished my volunteering . She was really happy .

My plan was to go to the place to help out , leave a bit early so I can get to dd2 show and then be away from that slightly early so I can collect dd1 from school (grandad usually collects her ) . Win win all round .

Anyway, Dd1 was up through the night with a cough and sore throat ; she's was not herself this morning and was a bit teary . I suspect it may be tonsilitis and I've made her a Drs appointment for later today.

I dropped her off with her grandad (whom she adores and vice versa ).

I was so torn about doing this . If I had kept her home , it means I would have had to cancel the volunteering and also missed dd2s show sad . Dd2 would have been upset .

Grandad has been messaging me saying dd1 wants me and she's just been very sleepy all day . He's given her calpol etc but she won't budge from the couch . sad

DH is cancelling a meeting to collect her early , but still has to work until early afternoon .

Grandad has offered to have her again tomorrow and I'm not sure what to do . DH and I take turns to accommodate child sickness but we have both had lots of time off lately for their other bugs.

I feel so so bad . Have I made the wrong choice ? My poor dd is poorly , but I would have let more people down by not being there -I.e the staff and dd2.

I'll still be seeing her early than I normally would as I'll be leaving dd2 show a bit earlier .

WWY have done ? sad

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 22-Oct-15 13:12:52

Exactly what you have done.

She is with someone who loves her.

Enjoy the show.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 22-Oct-15 13:13:53

If you had chosen to stay home you would be writing this post about missing your dds show.

There was no way you could win in that situation.

Don't beat yourself up about it flowers

TheMshipIsBack Thu 22-Oct-15 13:15:18

I would have done the same. In fact I did something very similar today. My son was in tears at the thought of going to preschool this morning after a slightly broken night (he has a cold/cough - nothing serious). He cheered up on the walk, and then was upset again when I left him there, and told him and the staff that if he was poorly or distressed, his gran would pick him up. It was all "no no I want you mummy". But I have unmovable deadlines at work this week, as does DH, and gran is a loving, caring, capable adult whom DS adores. I feel like shit about it, but it's not the end of the world.

TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee Thu 22-Oct-15 13:15:23

I would feel like shit, but I'd also realise that DD is with someone who loves her and is well taken care of.


Plumm Thu 22-Oct-15 13:16:20

I would have done exactly what you've done - you can't be there for everyone all the time, you just can't.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Thu 22-Oct-15 13:16:27

There's no right answer unfortunately. Nobody can say you've done the wrong thing in being there for your previous commitment and dd2 while dd1 is well looked after by a familiar and much loved grandparent.

WispaBubbles Thu 22-Oct-15 13:27:25

Thank you flowers

I feel a bit better now ! It's so hard to get it right all of the time .

spiderlight Thu 22-Oct-15 13:31:36

At the end of the day, there's only one of you. She's safe and being looked after by a loving and familiar family member, her dad will be there to pick her up soon enough and she'll be fine.

QueenofallIsee Thu 22-Oct-15 13:36:28

I would have done what you did - I left all 3 of mine with MIL for a day this week as I had an absolutely, world would end deadline and DP was away as well. Littlest laid on the guilt with a spoon but I had to make a call and I did.

I then caught same bug so guilt is assuaged by my karmic illness

ILiveAtTheBeach Thu 22-Oct-15 13:48:23

You did the right thing. My niece is poorly at the mo and Nanna and Grandad are looking after her. Her parents simply cannot take time off work again (they've already taken days off when she's ill).

NoSquirrels Thu 22-Oct-15 13:59:39

Grandad loves her, he's more than capable of looking after a poorly child and snuggling on a sofa with her (and probably secretly enjoying it). Today AND tomorrow.

Kids always want their DPs to be around, but sometimes it's just not possible. And a much-loved family member is the best alternative I can think of.

You needed to work - you'd made a commitment. I think you're feeling guilty because it was a non-paid voluntary one, but that's a red herring - an arrangement where people are counting on you is the same as a paid day in work. You couldn't "make it better" for your DD1 - she'd like your company, yes, but she'd still feel poorly and everyone would have missed out.

Your DD2 would be disappointed if you couldn't come, and you would have been gutted to miss it too.

Your DH is finishing early, you're finishing early.

Please stop feeling guilty and take Grandad up on his offer for tomorrow too!
flowers Guilt sucks.

Twowrongsdontmakearight Thu 22-Oct-15 14:17:53

Id also have done exactly the same as you but with my DM. She adores my DC and is a great substitute for me and DH. Sometimes you just don't have any options.

Bimblywibble Thu 22-Oct-15 14:30:37

Same as you. She will be fine with grandad. And thank your lucky stars he is there as an option.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow Thu 22-Oct-15 14:45:18

Clone yourself. It's the only solution.

But given we've not quite got the technology for that up and running I think you did exactly the right thing.

Focus on how happy you have made DD2.

annielouise Thu 22-Oct-15 15:58:49

You did the right thing. Surprised your dad told you she's missing you as that's going to make you feel guilty unless he thought you'd come straight home. I think he should have just said everything fine as there's nothing you could do about it having made your decision.

WispaBubbles Thu 22-Oct-15 16:20:59

Thank you everyone flowers

I really enjoyed dd2 performance and she was so so happy to have me there smile

Dd1 is miserable and feeling very sorry for herself , but nothing Grandad couldn't handle .

She didn't even mention wanting me confused

Chocolateteabag Thu 22-Oct-15 16:21:54

Yep another one who would have done exactly the same as you have done, and felt guilty
And yy to taking up Grandad's offer to have DD1 tomorrow too

Youarentkiddingme Thu 22-Oct-15 16:46:05

Even if you didn't work you'd be in the same situation - effectively choosing one spchildmober the other. That's never easy flowers

Have a brew and cake you all juggled everything well to ensure each child was cared for and given attention. You couldn't stop your DD feeling rough even if you were there.

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