My DS started school this year. Was loving it, all was good. One day we dropped him off and one particular child (who I had witnessed being "spirited" in the playground and at settling in sessions before and who DS had said was in trouble quite a bit) started pushing him and tickling him to the point where my DS started to get upset. The mother made no attempt to stop him so I asked him to stop. He then stole my DS's hat and the Mum got it back after a fight but no telling off at all. We moved away and I've not stood with her since.
DS then told me he had done this in school with his bag. I wrote the teacher a letter (as I was at work so couldn't see her in person for a week) asking that they just keep an eye on the two of them so my DS doesn't have his things taken off him anymore.
Cut to today, they warn my Mum when she picked up that my DS has a huge chunk of hair missing and they don't know how. He refuses to say to anyone who did it. I initially laughed it off but he seemed apprehensive so I said in a jokey way "Did Bob do it?" (made up name of a nice boy that plays a lot with DS but with the other child too). DS said Yes, Bill (spirited boy) told him to.
It's parents evening tomorrow. I understand that kids do this stuff all the time. I cut my brothers hair. It's only hair and will grow back, but this is at school where they should be supervised with scissors because of eyes etc, esp given that I'd specifically highlighted issues with this child and DS. I don't want to be over protective or "that parent" but my DS is scalped! How could they not have noticed while he was doing it? I am new to this, how do I broach it?
AIBU?
How annoyed should I be about this?
tywinlannister · 21/10/2015 19:32
Bill is normally a really good boy and we know him quite well so I am shocked it was him, but he is quite easily lead.
DS is ok, he just looks like a punk. Its quite funny really but I am a bit 
that they had absolutely no idea who did it or how it happened.
I would perhaps take pictures of your son's head, just for future reference, and I would definitely bring this up with the teacher. The tickling etc. could just be seen as over-spirited playing but what he has done now is horrible, and really is bullying. Kids need to be taught not to invade other people's personal space, and definitely not to do something such as cut or pull out hair- its all about teaching them to respect others, and this is definitely not playing. I would really stress how concerned you are to the teacher when you see them- they should be keeping a much closer eye on them if this is allowed to happen!
Ok, I think pictures will definitely need to be taken.
The tickling upset DS so much though, and then the bag & hat stealing followed, so that's why I wrote the letter. DS was crying as he went in to school a few times, despite being happy before. He started refusing to wear his hat. I see tickling as an invasion of personal space too (I had an uncle that would tickle me till I soiled myself, until I was about 10, it was awful. 
)
Yes, I agree with you OP. It is an invasion of personal space, definitely, and I think thats clearly what this kid has a problem with. Your son really should not have to deal with someone invading his privacy and personal space, and his stuff is his. This definitely sounds like bullying, but probably has a lot to do with his parents not telling him its wrong, so its probably down to the school to try and teach him about this, then maybe get parents on board. Honestly, I remember at school (although being a bit older) having stuff stolen, being jabbed with pens- all sorts. And its always passed off as just a bit of fun, but I strongly believe that it isn't, and if your son doesn't feel comfortable with it then it needs to stop. Poor little thing 
The other thing is that he has played happily with Bob, everyday at preschool for 2 years without issue. Yet now that Bill is in the equation, my son is without hair. Luckily hair grows back, eyes do not.
I am going to make an appointment. Thanks everyone 
goddess you could be right. I just hate when one child becomes the go-to-one to blame because x, y, or z couldn't possibly have done it themselves.
We had an example of it last week, DS came home from school and said Spencer was sent to the HT because he hurt Ewan, but, said DS, it was actually Martin who hurt Ewan. When I queried further (ie had DS seen what had happened because it was unlikely the wrong DC was sent to the HT) he admitted he hadn't seen it but all the DCs had agreed that it was so out of character for Spencer to do something like that, that it must have been Martin who did it instead (despite Martin not even being in the same part of the playground)
tywin yy the school definitely sounds like it needs to improve its supervision. Mention 'duty of care' and let your DH rant at them if need be
The way DP is phrasing it is that I highlighted an issue and specifically asked them to keep an eye on inappropriate unwanted touching (tickling) and now a child has been assaulted in their care! 
And that's how his school would deal with it! As an assault.
I will be sure to mention duty of care and I plan to print one of their policies on this and highlight how they have failed. Then inform them that their response to this will determine whether I pursue a formal complaint. I would like to see clear cut evidence that they are ensuring the safety of the children in their care.
To be honest, I would feel quite assaulted if someone chopped off a lump of my hair...
I think you are handling it very well, OP.
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