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To question myself after another rejection

(8 Posts)
Leaveaspace Tue 20-Oct-15 22:06:20

Chose Aibu as I need complete honesty even if it hurts.
Maybe I'm questioning this too much but here goes-
Since having dc I've made some very nice new friends and reconnected with older friends that have dc similar age.
However a few times now I've met up with people old and new and even though we've had a nice time and they said we should do it again- it doesn't happen they are suddenly unavailable.
I've made more friends than not but the couple of times it has happened has knocked my confidence- (sorry to sound like a child) but why don't they want to be my friend.
Don't know where I'm going wrong.
Am I dealing with this all wrong do I need to say 'oh well I liked them but guess I'm not their cup of tea'?

BigOCupOfTea Tue 20-Oct-15 22:13:22

Some people just don't like socialising that much.

I know someone who regularly uses her child as an excuse to leave early.

She was at the same wedding I went to recently and as soon as we got there she was saying she might leave early and then suddenly it's - my dd isn't very well, she's not being herself at all.

The same child who was happily running around playing an hour before and then was sat there colouring and eating cake confused

This was also the wedding of one of her close friends.

A good friend once said to me that you really shouldn't care what others think because at the end of the day you're you and you're great and no one gets to dictate how you feel.

Leaveaspace Tue 20-Oct-15 22:22:36

Both times its been people who have been enthusiastic about meeting up- how great that we love nearby and kids are same age then- nothing so I can't chalk it up to that unfortunately.
I do think I have to say to myself you can't be everyone's type but the rejection is affecting my self esteem.

BigOCupOfTea Tue 20-Oct-15 23:05:07

Are you waiting around for them to ask you?

Do they have legitimate reasons of why they can't meet up?

I wouldn't see it as a rejection, friendship takes time. I've recently become friendly with a really nice woman at work and we met up for a drink on Saturday night - would I class her as a friend? Definitely not yet.

Try not to take things so personally.

Senpai Wed 21-Oct-15 05:37:35

I have a good friend and for the life of us we can never find a weekend that works to get together. Life just gets busy.

I wouldn't worry about it, it's probably not anything personal. Even if it is a personality issue, you're you. Why would you want to hang around someone that has a personal issue with you in the first place?

But more likely than not, they're probably just busy.

ChocolateJam Wed 21-Oct-15 07:29:59

OP I think there are at least three possibilities here:
1) They are people with very busy social lives and genuinely haven't found the time to see you again
2) They don't really like socialising much and was initially enthusiastic more of out of politeness than anything else
3) They didn't like you as much as you like them - that happens and you shouldn't take it too personally, not everybody is going to like you

Whatabout Wed 21-Oct-15 07:38:41

I think there is a fourth reason - I quite like socialising but unless someone gives me an invitation and a date and time I won't do it. I'm actually cripplingly shy even though you wouldn't realise on the surface. The process of arranging something is often beyond what I can mentally cope with. I also suffer from anxiety and sometimes that pushes me into cancelling things or avoiding people.

I'd persevere if you can, ask for a play date and give a specific date and time etc. And try three times. They might just be a social reject like me and be struggling.

Other idea is local town meet up groups, we have one where I live and that is where people can make an event and meet other people. Less pressure as you can just attend one.

Leaveaspace Wed 21-Oct-15 09:07:08

I've done all the setting up dates etc and then been let down or given excuses a couple of times so I think chocolates point is probably right they just didn't like me that much- and you're completely right if course we all meet people that we don't click with for various reasons- I suppose because its happened twice recently I'm questioning if there is something I'm doing that is off putting.
whatabout that's interesting because one of the times its happened she doesn't appear to have a lot of friendships and was keen to get together as I would be a 'local' friend so I was confused when she didn't want to meet up again it could well be that but she's let me down last minute twice so don't think I could ask her again.

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