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To find the terms Cool Wives and Handmaidens...

(297 Posts)
DioneTheDiabolist Tue 20-Oct-15 20:59:44

...deeply offensive?

I was on a thread today where these phrases were used. I challenged them as IMO they are as bad as the word "slut". Disgusting names that are used exclusively to judge women and put them down.

I am a feminist and none of the feminists I know in RL tolerate the labelling of women in negative terms. However the response I received was so surprising that I thought I would ask: AIBU to find the terms "Cool Wives/Girls" and "Handmaidens" demeaning, dismissive, misogynistic insults?

OneHandFlapping Tue 20-Oct-15 21:02:46

I think I see your problem. You are confusing MN with RL. That's your mistake.

Most of the stuff posted on here would never be said face to face.

OneHandFlapping Tue 20-Oct-15 21:03:28

I think I see your problem. You are confusing MN with RL. That's your mistake.

Most of the stuff posted on here would never be said face to face.

Mintyy Tue 20-Oct-15 21:05:31

Yanbu.

MuddhaOfSuburbia Tue 20-Oct-15 21:05:31

I've never heard these terms!

wtf

can someone explain

(or do I not want to know)

MuddhaOfSuburbia Tue 20-Oct-15 21:06:32

I've never heard these terms!

wtf

can someone explain

(or do I not want to know)

WorraLiberty Tue 20-Oct-15 21:07:09

It's often used on here by women who can't handle other women having a different opinion/point of view.

YANBU

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Tue 20-Oct-15 21:07:20

I find them really offensive and irritating. Generally hide threads where they're used. Another way for women to put other women down.

usual Tue 20-Oct-15 21:07:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Tue 20-Oct-15 21:08:06

It's often used on here by women who can't handle other women having a different opinion/point of view.

YANBU

Almost as irritating as 'menz'.

Ubik1 Tue 20-Oct-15 21:09:29

When someone uses these phrases I actually feel a sense of satisfaction because it means they have lost the argument (and the plot)

CassieBearRawr Tue 20-Oct-15 21:10:25

Flapping grin

ilovesooty Tue 20-Oct-15 21:13:11

I loathe both terms, as well as menz since Worra has mentioned it.

Marshy Tue 20-Oct-15 21:13:30

Handmaidens.....eh?

No...I really don't think so

Fratelli Tue 20-Oct-15 21:14:08

Can someone explain it to me please? I think I know what a "cool wife" is but I've no idea what a "handmaiden" is!

saucony Tue 20-Oct-15 21:16:25

YANBU but I was completely torn apart (under another name) for daring to challenge some of the <ahem> more vocal MNers who seem to love these offensive terms.

Junosmum Tue 20-Oct-15 21:21:03

Yanbu. I hate them too. I often find the women who use those terms appear insecure in their posts.

bertsdinner Tue 20-Oct-15 21:21:50

I would assume the term "handmaiden" is somehow linked to the women in the "Handmaids Tale"? That they are lesser, useful women, brainwashed?
Cool wives, no idea.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Tue 20-Oct-15 21:22:39

And what Ubik said. I lose all respect for any poster who uses them.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 20-Oct-15 21:25:09

You can blame Gone Girl for the resurgence in "cool wives".

Ubik1 Tue 20-Oct-15 21:28:26

I've only seen 'cool wives' used in the context of threads about use of porn.

Some posters are ok with use of porn for a variety of reasons and they are usually accused to being a 'cool wife' ie: betraying the sisterhood to keep her man
It's a good way of belittling someone's view.

Handmaiden- I dunno

wigglesrock Tue 20-Oct-15 21:30:59

YANBU - they're used dismissively to shut down conversation on threads.

Ubik1 Tue 20-Oct-15 21:31:11

Yes - from Gone Girl:

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)

ThursdayLastWeek Tue 20-Oct-15 21:31:59

'Cool wife' ive seen - I suspect I'd be accused of being one as DH has female friends that I have no problem with.

'Handmaiden' - I've not seen and don't understand.

But YANBU OP. I completely agree.

MySordidCakeSecret Tue 20-Oct-15 21:32:12

never seen these terms used and don;t know what they mean..

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