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To think dd needs a reality check

(34 Posts)
systemusername Tue 20-Oct-15 16:45:40

One of my dc is a young teen (13)
She is always spouting stuff about families jobs like 'i wouldn't do that I would just leave' 'if they made me work when I wanted to go on holiday I would sack them off' ' if they moaned at me for being late or having to leave I would tell them to do one' ' no way I'm working in a shop/ McDonalds etc for national minimum wage' I'm not walking like you (I can't drive), I'm getting a car' 'Im moving out when I'm 19 because I need somewhere bigger' 'im not doing x job' 'im not going to college for blah years' 'im not working for x grand a year'

When I told her to move out at 19 she would have to pay rent etc or to pay for a car and petrol she would therefore have to work she did a lot of huffing about working on nmw and college and had a strop over it.

Similarly when she's talked about uni and working.

I've always worked hard all her life and worked some awful and low paid jobs. Two years older than she is now I was working full time so this isn't coming from me.

Aibu and expecting too much? For the record I am low working income so our lifestyle isn't a posh one. She is due to inherit a decent amount of money at 21 and I don't want her to see this as a sit on her backside opportunity.

Pinkrblue Tue 20-Oct-15 16:54:26

I think all teenagers sprout such shite. I know I did blush
Ignore and wine

ImperialBlether Tue 20-Oct-15 16:56:51

I assume she knows about this inheritance? I hope she hasn't; I think this can be the worst thing for some teenagers.

titchy Tue 20-Oct-15 16:56:55

Of course you're expecting too much she's only 13.

goldierocks Tue 20-Oct-15 16:57:53

Hi OP

I have a 15 year-old DS.
He's turning into a very fine young man indeed, however he did go through a similar phase at that age.

I am also a single full-time working parent who doesn't drive (I've been alone since he was 10, father has no contact, legal reasons).

To protect my sanity, I developed a selective deafness. My stock response was 'that's nice dear'......and repeat. I did not try to engage/reason with/argue against such comments.

We decided together that some topics were best kept between him and his friends and it was not appropriate to speak that way with me. It worked smile

P.S.....he didn't really have those views. I think it's just something teens do to be 'cool'. They cannot possibly think their parent(s) are right!

flowers

00100001 Tue 20-Oct-15 16:58:27

ehh, just sounds like a know-it-all teenager.

When she goes on about "it all ask her "oh what does school do when you're late then?"

See what she says answer will be
"I'm never late"- so why would that change at work?
"I'm always late" - and hopefully she gets detention?
"I'm always late and never get in trouble" - Then tell her, you'll be having words witht he school grin

Just push it back to her basically, and call her up on her vast experience in the work place. When she spouts off, say sit like "Oh yes, I need your advice for something at work, seeing as you've been to work for so many years and know how it works blah blah blah"

she might shut up then (after a while)

brokenhearted55a Tue 20-Oct-15 16:59:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Busyworkingmum71 Tue 20-Oct-15 16:59:40

Yup sounds like she needs a reality check. Sit her down and go through some houses for rent or sale ads in the local paper, get her to pick one she'd like to live in then show her the mortgage or rent calculations, how much she'd need for a deposit and how long that will take to save at X/month. Then show her household bills typical for that size property, plus food. Tot the whole lot up, multiply by 12 for an annual expense and calculate the gross income needed for that lifestyle (very roughly multiply by 1.4). This doesn't take into account any extra income needed for clothes, holidays, savings,npensions, travel to/from work etc, so she'll probably need more than that.

If she doesn't want NMW work and wants a job she enjoys where she is respected and valued that's fine, I wouldn't want to piss on her cornflakes. She has to realise however that those knds of jobs are few and far between and only really held for any length of time by grafters who have a good attitude. That's not to say that only those who don't graft or have a bad attitude have lesser paid or fulfilling work, but it does mean that she will guarantee herself out of a dream job with a shitty attitude. Hope I've phrased that right.

pictish Tue 20-Oct-15 17:00:18

Ha. She's 13 and she's jus' telling it like it is. Or so she bloody thinks. grin

Just say, "That's nice dear."

YANAgurl1973 Tue 20-Oct-15 17:04:05

She sounds exactly like my 17 year old neice. "Oh I'm.not going to work in a job if I' m not 100% happy". I'm going to take a break for a couple of years etc. They all live with my ill father in law who now cannot work and they will.need to pay their way and contribute to the household.

systemusername Tue 20-Oct-15 17:07:49

grin more than willing to be told aibu.
Yes she knows about the inheritance. My parents have been telling her for years about it. It is enough to get a house and I am glad that she wont have to struggle how I've had to.
So what happens then? You let them believe this stuff for two and a half years until she's 16 and finds out the hard way or hope they grow out of it?

She was utterly outraged earlier when I told her there was a free (luxury!) coach to the nearest college from the end of our road she could go on. Oh no she was going in the car.

howabout Tue 20-Oct-15 17:10:29

Introduce her to the financial problem pages. I have similar age dds (13 and 14) and quite often share an AIBU in a WWYD vein. I have also started to discuss with them how they will be financing themselves when they reach 18 and making them aware of who gets paid what and how much things cost. They also already know the current terms of student loan finance and are starting to think about careers in terms of effort in and rewards out.

If there is an inheritance on the horizon perhaps it is time for your dd to start thinking of it in terms of "x years rent saved" or "free university" or "a year out travelling" and planning it purposefully rather than just a "get out of jail free card" to allow her to opt out?

I don't work and always worry about my role modelling, so perhaps I overcompensate a bit.

bettyberry Tue 20-Oct-15 17:12:22

My DS told me the other day he is marrying a princess so he doesn't have to work and he can look at bugs all day grin

ohmyeyebettymartin Tue 20-Oct-15 17:14:14

I'm missing the point here but I knew someone who inherited enough to buy a house. It all went on drugs (heroin to be specific). 21 is pretty young to be inheriting a large sum, please try to make sure her GPs have everything sorted so that she won't just be accessing cash.

turningvioletviolet Tue 20-Oct-15 17:14:16

To be fair, if the inheritance is enough to buy a house then I'm assuming it runs into the £00,000s? Which is no small amount. It's not really surprising she thinks her life will be easy.

BabyGanoush Tue 20-Oct-15 17:15:01

It's a shame she knows about the inheritance.

My kids don't know we have money for them. And won't get it until 25.

We won't tell them until they are independent.

My nephew got a 100k inheritance when he was 18. It spooled him for life. He got a flat, a car and did not work. Dropped out of degree. had fun. got broke. had no skills, could not cope with "having a boss" and "being told what to do" so if he got a job, always left after 3 days. He's now permanently bankrupt/begging for money of family, trying dodgy schemes and generally living hand to mouth. It really ruined him!

Put the money in a trust fund if you can.

To be handed a flat and a car on plate when you're 18 actually does a young person no favours.

Anyway, she's only 13. I have a 13 year old, he's just a child really. Smile and nod?

NKFell Tue 20-Oct-15 17:16:01

My SIX year old(!) is constantly asking how much peoples cars are and if less than our new car he says "so mine is better" and if more he looks gutted. I have no idea where it's come from. I'm a single Mum on minimum wage so we're hardly rolling in it!

He's going to grow up saying the same rubbish, I can feel it!

Just ignore it, she'll find out soon enough!

Flutterbutterfly Tue 20-Oct-15 17:18:19

God, really nosey but did your parents leave her the money?

Leavingsosoon Tue 20-Oct-15 17:22:39

Even if it buys her a house there are still bills to pay! That said, sounds like typical know it all teen!

systemusername Tue 20-Oct-15 17:25:03

Yes flutter they have. My parents worked bloody hard and were not loaded but bought at a very cheap time during market crash so it is proceeds from the house. They left it to the kids rather than me because of issues relating to ex. Its in trust until 21 with solicitors. I.e they can ask for money from it but only for good reason. At 21 they get what is left.

scatterthenuns Tue 20-Oct-15 17:25:40

The only way she'll get that reality check is when she is old enough to get a job and move out, so my sympathies on having to wait a while longer flowers

However, think of how good being smug and gloating will be when you remind her of this phase aged 25! wine

systemusername Tue 20-Oct-15 17:28:11

Scatter grin

PacificMouse Tue 20-Oct-15 17:37:32

I like howabout approach tbh.

WhatSheZed Tue 20-Oct-15 17:41:16

grin

MrsJayy Tue 20-Oct-15 17:46:49

Meh she will learn she is 13 she knows bugger all about anything really just smile and nod smile and nod. Dd2 is balancing work and college she is most miffed that she has to do a training night on top of her heafty 8 hpur shift grin

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