To want to spend time on my own?(6 Posts)
I'm currently living with my in laws, (MIL, FIL, BIL,) and DH. I'm introverted and work in a busy café in a supermarket, by the time I get home I'm shattered and just want to hide in my room and listen to music and maybe read, or even have a nap. This caused enough problems when it was just DH and me in our own flat, which we were living in for five years. Now we're living here it's worse. Not only does DH act ridiculously clingy sometimes when I want to be alone, but his parents moan at him about my behaviour. DH is nearly 31, I am 27, but boy do I feel like I'm reverting to teenagehood! And the fact that my in laws cannot talk to me like a fellow adult but feel the need to go through my DH as though he's my keeper just winds me up no end. I am trying to adjust to their way of doing things, but it's not easy, and if I were living with my parents this wouldn't bother them! AIBU?
Hey, I understand the desire to be alone. But by the sound of it this isn't something your in laws understand. I think you need to take the bull by the horns and sit everyone down and discuss the matter. They need to speak to you direct, going through your DH helps no one. You need to make your position clear, that it isn't personal but that you just need some space after a busy day. My other half is aspergic and has a tendency to hide in our room on occasion when visiting my folks and it took a while before the penny dropped for me and I had to explain to them it wasn't personal he just got a bit overwhelmed. Much happier father then who no longer felt like my DH was being rude.
Your parents are used to you, the fact the in laws are going through DH suggests they may be unsure how to broach the subject with you. So be brave and have the conversation with everyone that you need to have. ??
I understand you, OP, I'm perfectly capable of being the life and soul of the party and love a good time with others but after a while I need to recharge on my own.
I was going to say exactly what Pashazade has said.
Presumably, if you agreed to move in with them, then you all sat and discussed ground rules first? It's never going to be the easiest of situations, and presumably is happening for a very good reason
and hopefully for a short amount of time ? So you need to be able to discuss calmly with them, any misunderstanding, or things they do that really annoy you - although of course you also have to give them the chance to raise things that you do that they find challenging too. There is an element that while you are a guest in anyone's home, there will be things that are done that you really don't like, but that you have to 'suck up' for a while while you are staying there.
I completely understand where you're coming from. I love my own space & when I have a rare 5 minutes I just want to be by myself doing things I enjoy. Instead, I get the guilt trip from DP who insists that we never spend any time together or talk like we used to do before we had our baby. I try and explain that things aren't as simple anymore and as I'm with DS all day and night, when he's sleeping if just like some down time on my own. Unfortunately, he just thinks I'm ignoring him and gets annoyed thinking I don't want to do anything with him. Some people need more attention than others I guess.
Basically, you are too young to be living your PILs family life.
It would make me clausterphobic.
Ask yourself, what is stopping me living my own life at 27? Where do I want to be in 10 years time? Then go for it.
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