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WIBU to tell DP

(21 Posts)
TallulahVonRottenbottom Mon 19-Oct-15 22:07:04

that I am not responsible for feeding him?

He got in late after 3 hours at a hobby. This morning I mentioned what we'd be having for dinner.

DS is in teething hell at the minute and has been utterly impossible today. He sobbed and screamed every single time I put him anywhere but on my hip. Managed to get kids fed and bathed (has anyone tried shampooing one DC with one hand while holding another? Oy). I told DP via text how rough the day had been and he seemed sympathetic and said he'd give me a break when he got in.

Anyway, once the DC were sorted I was frazzled and not really hungry (for anything other than gin) so I didn't start our dinner.

DP comes home, mooches in the kitchen then comes into the living room all passive aggressive and huffing while not actually saying anything.

Me: What's wrong?
DP: Nothing
Me: What's really wrong?
DP: You said you were going to make dinner.
Me: I planned to. I also planned to go for a piss in peace today but that didn't happen either. I'm not responsible for feeding you. If you're hungry, you know where the kitchen is.

I went for a bath leaving him to it. Could heat him faffing about while DS cried. Maybe it gave him a taste of what today was like for me.

Was I out of order?

Eminado Mon 19-Oct-15 22:07:59


LilaTheTiger Mon 19-Oct-15 22:09:35


allgoodnamestaken Mon 19-Oct-15 22:10:08

He got in late after 3 hours at a hobby? I once roared my DH out of it cos he stopped on the way home to pick up milk. When I was on mat leave I lived for when he got through the door at 6 o'clock.
He should be waiting on you hand and foot.

amazonqueen Mon 19-Oct-15 22:10:19

Not on your Nelly!

Enjoy what bit of peace and quiet you can tonight. Thankfully.... This too will pass smile

TheMotherOfHellbeasts Mon 19-Oct-15 22:11:58

YADNBU. Tbh I'd be very naffed off that after you texted him he'd still gone to his hobby rather than coming home and helping, and then making you both dinner.

d270r0 Mon 19-Oct-15 22:12:55

He needs to help you out more. Why should you have to do everything and get no break!?

WorraLiberty Mon 19-Oct-15 22:16:40

Could you not have mentioned in a text that you weren't doing dinner as planned?

That way he could have brought something home for you both.

Junosmum Mon 19-Oct-15 22:18:27

YADNBU. He's a grown man, he's clearly demonstrated he knows where the kitchen is and it's general purpose in relation to food, surely he can work out how to use the things in there?

HicDraconis Mon 19-Oct-15 22:22:40

While you are not responsible for feeding him - and PA snarkiness really pisses me off too - you had said that morning what you were planning on doing for dinner. Had you told him at any time since he got in that all dinner plans were off as the day had been so crap? How was he to know that you hadn't cooked and it was in the oven, or sitting on a plate somewhere, or...?

When you sent the text of how crap your day had been was the perfect time to add "so I haven't had time to cook, bring something home or cook something yourself when you get in" - would have possibly headed the PA crap off at the pass.

YANBU to have changed the plans, but YAmaybeBabitU to expect him to know that you haven't cooked and aren't going to if you don't actually tell him.

And you did tell him, and went off for a bath and presumably he fed himself or went to bed hungry.

NerrSnerr Mon 19-Oct-15 22:25:26

He was an arse with the passive aggressive shit, but I would have text or said something when he came in as you'd said you'd cook.

CatMilkMan Mon 19-Oct-15 22:40:53

You told him you would do something and then didn't, YABU. You should have text him and told him.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 19-Oct-15 22:46:19

You said you'd make dinner then were rude when he queried where dinner was? Yabu. You had a rough day with the kids, fair enough. But if this was a guy talking to his wife like that after a rough day at work, then no one here would be applauding and saying his behaviour was acceptable.

TallulahVonRottenbottom Mon 19-Oct-15 22:48:21

I had just settled DS on my lap on the sofa when he got in. I don't really agree that I needed to announce that there was no dinner as soon as he walked through the door. And it certainly didn't occur to me to pre-warn him. It's not like the dog died confused.

There have been plenty of other times when dinner hasn't been made for one reason or another and he's never been a dick about it before. He'd immediately suggest takeaway in fact. Or chuck on some pasta.

He knew I'd had a crap day. If it had been the other way round I'd have started cooking as soon as I got in or reached for the menus.

And if he'd just fucking asked "What's happening with dinner?' from the kitchen instead of playing the poor neglected PA little boy I wouldn't have been so pissed off with him!

MrsMolesworth Mon 19-Oct-15 22:52:43

YANBU. He should have taken over from you. That's the sort of reaction that would have had me throw a baby at him and go out for an hour to calm down.

Norest Mon 19-Oct-15 22:54:33

I don't think you were unreasonable. He could quite easily have realised there was nothing happening in the kitchen and said 'Ah I see you are still frazzled, shall I start dinner then?'. Or the takeaway option etc.

The passive aggressive huffing and puffing thing would have pissed me right off too.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind Mon 19-Oct-15 22:59:04


CoffeeChocolateWine Mon 19-Oct-15 23:02:29

I think YAB a bit U, in honesty. Sorry. You told him that morning you were going to cook dinner and what you were going to cook, therefore I think it was reasonable of him to expect dinner.

YANBU to change your mind about cooking dinner given your shit day and not being hungry, but you could have communicated this to him. If you text him anyway to say what a rough day you'd had, surely you could have told him that you didn't feel like cooking and given him the opportunity to sort something else out.

DoreenLethal Mon 19-Oct-15 23:03:39

You said what you would be having for dinner, you didnt mention who was going to cook it. Yanbu.

Tapirbackrider Mon 19-Oct-15 23:10:16

YANBU. That sort of PA nonsense is bloody aggravating.

EastMidsMummy Mon 19-Oct-15 23:14:01

YABU, unless he is a mind reader.

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