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Honestly, am I being precious? (Not the child including type)

(23 Posts)
KateSpade Mon 19-Oct-15 17:46:49

So, I'd like honest opinions please, don't worry I can take it. I'd like to know what other people think, who don't know the involved party.

So, I'll try and summarise,

My best friend - we are very much family, she is my daughters godmother is engaged, congratulations, ect.

She has been going on about this wedding for the past two years and has hinted/told me many times I'd be maid of honour. However a week ago, I saw on social media she'd asked her sister without 'letting me down' so to speak.

The reason I'm upset is she didn't even consider informing me that I wouldn't be, after telling me I would.

(It feels to me our friendship is when it's convenient to her & she puts me on the back burner when she's not interested)

So am I being U/precious?

KatharineClifton Mon 19-Oct-15 17:48:06

You are being precious, but YANBU. I'd of expected a heads up before social media announcements! Rude.

WorraLiberty Mon 19-Oct-15 17:50:50

Has she hinted or told you many times?

I don't understand her doing both?

KateSpade Mon 19-Oct-15 17:56:31

That's what upset me katharine it's her wedding, have who the bloody hell you like, but I thought you'd tell me first?

Sometimes worra it's been 'when your my m.o.h. I want you to plan my hen do abroad, exactly where I want it'
Other times it's been more subtle, such as I love your dress Kate, but don't wear it to my wedding, m.o.h isn't choosing her own dress'

KatharineClifton Mon 19-Oct-15 18:04:28

Looking on the bright side, at least you get to choose your own white dress and can opt out of the Magaluf wekender! I hope she does have a word at some point and apologises so the friendship can continue.

Lynnm63 Mon 19-Oct-15 18:34:04

Yanbu. It's fine to have her sister as moh but I assume she's always had this sister so you'd have thought if she wanted her to do it you'd have never been led to believe it'd be you. I definitely wouldn't get involved in any hen party and Id go to the wedding if invited but id be unavailable to help organise anything wedding related.

catfordbetty Mon 19-Oct-15 18:39:34

Perhaps her sister threw a wobbler when she found out it wasn't her and your friend had to appease her?

Axekick Mon 19-Oct-15 18:40:16

Yanbu. But she could have two. I have known people have 2 best men.

Also you say she is family and then she puts you in the back burner.

Does she usually do this sort of thing as your op implies? If so, why are you surprised?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Mon 19-Oct-15 18:42:21

Going on about a wedding for two years? And only just picking MOH and stuff.

Meh. It's not happening anyway, is it?

And if it does it spares you a hideous and expensive hen thingy.

ilovechristmas123 Mon 19-Oct-15 18:42:38


mathanxiety Mon 19-Oct-15 19:00:20

'when your my m.o.h. I want you to plan my hen do abroad, exactly where I want it'
Other times it's been more subtle, such as 'I love your dress Kate, but don't wear it to my wedding, m.o.h isn't choosing her own dress'

You dodged a bullet, and you should be thankful no matter how rudely she handled the saddling of her sister with the job and edged you out.

YYY to hideous and expensive hen thingy too.

TheStripyGruffalo Mon 19-Oct-15 19:01:21

She is unreasonable to put it on social media without talking to you first but she is not unreasonable to ask her sister.

icanteven Mon 19-Oct-15 19:04:22

Seriously, you need to be lighting a candle to whatever saint is responsible for saving you from bridezillas (Saint Gengulphus of Burgundy is the patron saint of difficult marriages - is this close enough?).

Senpai Mon 19-Oct-15 19:32:26

Well, I chose a family member instead of a best friend for MOH for a couple reasons:

- Family will always be family. Even if you fight, there's a common thread holding you together and it can bring you back together even if it's years later. A friend, not so much.
- Friends can come and go. It's not a guarantee any friend will be there the next 20-50 years.
- I wanted someone that knew me during all stages of my life from when I was small to now.

But my best friend was still part of the wedding party and everyone had a great time.

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary Mon 19-Oct-15 19:56:53

She has been going on about this wedding for the past two years

I'd ditch her just for that.
When my friends get engaged, I usually unfollow them for the next year.

luciole15 Mon 19-Oct-15 20:04:26


Really bad form from a close friend. I've been similarly hurt. Maybe she's been pressurised into it by her family.

As others have said, you've had a lucky escape. Get yourself a fabulous outfit instead of being lumbered with a shitty MOH number (unless you're a bridesmaid anyway) and enjoy someone else doing all the hard work. It might be hurtful, but be a good friend to her if she needs you. You might end up closer than before.

KateSpade Mon 19-Oct-15 20:31:22

We've been very, very close friends all our lives. We both consider each other family. She has recently told me! When she text asking if I was alright after not seeing/texting her for a few days (I was letting things settle) we 'had it out' no arguing but she turned it round to her being angry at me because she thought I
Was implying she didn't care about me!
If you understood that, she is very hard work!

I'm glad people are understanding how I felt/feel.

My mum initially just said, leave her, she's not a good friend, don't contact her, ect. Now she's changed her mind she's said 'oh you have to be a bridesmaid, you can't just leave it?!'
She has yet again 'hinted' that me & DD will be bridesmaids!

goddessofsmallthings Mon 19-Oct-15 20:37:30

Find an excuse - too old, don't suit puce satin, phobia about aisles, etc - in case she asks you to be a bridesmaid otherwise you'll be lumbered with all of the MOH duties and none of the recognition which will only serve to sever this friendship once and for all.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 19-Oct-15 20:41:37

Oh that's an easy one - if she asks you and your dd to be bridesmaids you can simply say that you'll find it easier to keep an eye on dd if you're one of the guests rather being one of the satin trussed turkeys taking up space in the wedding photos. smile

cantucci01 Mon 19-Oct-15 21:05:11

can't you say, given that you've talked about the MOH debacle, that you'd like a clear and obvious facebook commitment smile that you'll be bridesmaids or you'd rather not? your DD will get excited about it and then you'll get really cheesed off if it doesn't happen...she sounds really dull, keeping everyone in suspense about whether they'll get a role in the wedding of the century!

Jux Mon 19-Oct-15 21:45:29

If it wasn't child cruelty I'd be tempted to stick pins in dd so she screams the
throughout the vows.

As it is, a craftily camouflaged banana skin dropped casually in the aisle might work. grin

mathanxiety Mon 19-Oct-15 23:33:50

She is trying to placate you after you fussed about the MOH thing, and she is throwing in something for your DD too.

You are going to lose your friend over this wedding unless you just accept that your role is to do what you're told and see that keeping your nose well clear of it is the best choice.

Tbh, I would not have had it out with her about the FB MOH bit. Seriously, you have escaped a dreadful fate, but by taking her to task about it you have managed to come across to the bride as someone angling for at least some role in the wedding. If you want to spare yourself any further grief either in the short term or the long term, do not bring up the wedding or bridesmaiding or the MOH thing again.

KateSpade Tue 20-Oct-15 17:24:01

Thank you all so much, I'm just going to leave the ball in her court, so to speak.

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