To be fed up of what is happening in my house - noise related

[PacificMouse]

And by that I mean the complete silence.

I've been at home with the dcs all day and haven't hear a noise from them.
The only time I was granted a bit of a talk was when I told them dinner was ready.
Otherwise, tablets/computer games have been their one and only interest and clearly talking to aanother human being is just the done thing. :(

They aren't really teenagers yet either (dc1 is only 11yo).

AIBU to think that maybe it's time for them to start living in the RL world again??

[PacificMouse]

Sorry obvioulsy it was meant to be
talking to another human being is NOT the done thing anymore

[RealityCheque]

YOU are the parent. You could try parenting?

[Toraleistripe]

Limit screen time? Insist they go for a walk with you or a cycle ride. That's what I do. They complain but then start to enjoy it.

[mineofuselessinformation]

Turn the wifi and/or the power off. Job done.

[PacificMouse]

Nope. That is coming from me changing the stricty rule of half an hour a day to you need to X, Y and Z and then you can play as much as you like.
The reson is simple. They are old enough to start leaarn to independently stop playing. (That's me parenting them to be able to stand on their two feet)
dc1 is in Y7 and therefore spend quite a bit of time on his own at home.
dc2 will be in Y7 next year.
They have to learn to stop by themselves. Me telling them to or putting limits isn't going to do that (as proven by said experience btw).

[comedycentral]

Limit it or they will grow up to be such ignorant adults.

[PacificMouse]

Beside, it's, imo. even more important that they learn their life doesn't involve around a screen. real life is about people, not people on a screen.

Spending a bit of time playing/MN is fine. Spending your days doing it isn't.
Making playing on a screen more important than people isn't either.

[PacificMouse]

So all the peole saying imits, when do you expect yiur dcs to have enough self control to actually stop then?
When they are 20yo?

[JeanSeberg]

So the eldest is 11, how old are the others? I agree with other posters, they're too young to control this. Get them out and doing stuff or indoor activities - board games or whatever! Then they can have a bit of screen time before bed.

[TheBunnyOfDoom]

But you're LETTING them play on them for hours, so don't complain that they do so. 11 y/o is still so young to be spending all day glued to a screen. Unlimited screen time is all well and good if you do other things as well. Why not take them to the park or out for a swim/walk? Get them involved in a board game or do something together that doesn't involve screens? If they're made to get involved in other things, they won't be able to spend their lives glued to the computer.

[Nanny0gg]

I don't have much in the way of limits .

I would not expect a Year 7 too at all. They will do as much of what they enjoy as they can get away with.

And if they spend a lot of time on their own at home that's what they'll do. Your only option is to limit it when you are home. And imo that's what parenting is.

[Pipbin]

When they are old enough to stop by themselves.
No doubt they would eat nothing but cake and chocolate if you let them but I bet you don't do that either.

[lotrben17]

Interesting question about how you do manage the transition from controlling screen time to them managing it. I think you've done the best you can if they've met their 'targets' and are free to have screen time. Maybe you need to add a family activity into the things that need to be completed - board games? Walk in the park etc.

[Zucker]

I think the self limiting thing only comes with age or when boyfriends/girlfriends/friends/going out starts to get more important.

I agree with setting a limit at that age precisely so they can develop some interests outside of screen play time and will then want to limit their play time. Kind of a circular argument.

[kesstrel]

11 is too young, I think. I believe child development psychologists have found that age 12 is when children begin to be able to step back and take a more objective view of the world, including their own behaviour, and this takes some years to mature. So it would be difficult for them to weigh up the results/disadvantages of too much screen time at this age (even if they accepted that there were disadvantages).

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

Go off and do something good with your children, the oldest is only 11!

[FriedSprout]

There was quite an interesting article on Radio 4 last week on the effects of gaming on academic achievement. Here

I wouldn't risk any dc of mine being sensible enough to self limit gaming time. A lot of adults can't. But I hope yours manage to.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Is this a stealth boast? Because I still have at least one preschooler at home. Could possibly be more judging my the noise but I have only given birth twice so I am fairly sure it's just the one and a 7yo.

[lorelei9]

OP, curious how you'd feel if they had been reading all day? At 11, on a gloomy day, I would have been indoors reading all day and loved it! Plenty of time to be chatting to people in the school week.

also, was today a one off? It certainly was a manky day where I live, so a "sit and blob and do what you fancy" day seems fair to me.

[Iwasworried]

Do you let them choose their own meals too?

[bigbluebus]

When my DS turned 18, he asked if we could remove the weekday 9.00pm curfew from the downstairs computer. We had completely forgotten it was on there but he was off that computer by 8.55pm on a school night . Did him no harm to remember that he didn't need to be on there all night - and no he wasn't doing homework.
He is at Uni now so can be on the internet at 3.00am if he chooses - but the consequences are all his.

I think your DCs are still young enough to have their screen time policed OP.

[EponasWildDaughter]

I would say 11 is too young to self limit addictive activities such as gaming.

They will learn to self limit (hopefully) but that will be when the gaming is having negative influences on other areas of their life that they enjoy and/or value. What that is and when it happens depends on their personality.

For my DDs it was around 14/15 ish. More freedom (because of their age) to go out and be doing/seeing who they chose. Wanting to study to get through exams. Having to get to p/t job or no money. Understanding you cant do much of any of the above properly if you've been up all night gaming.

[PacificMouse]

I thnk there is something about moving from setting limits to setting none.
I expect that in two years time (13~14yo) I'm not ging to be able to set limits at all. Certainly not with texting friends, facebook and whatever else there is.
So yes I do think it's essential to teach them to self control now rather than despair when they are in full teenage mode.

Having spent quite a bit of time in a Uni town, I'm also not convinced that yooung adults know to put real people before a screen. A quick coffee in a cafe full of students shows that a lot of them come together
only to sit down at the same table and have their eyes rivetted to their screen :(:(

Things that they are supposed to do before playng incl reading, a sport activity and/or creative stuff as well as a couple of chores and homework.
One of my issue is that I'm wondering if by doing that I have actually made the tablet more attractive, ie this the reward you get when you have done all that. My intention was to set that before screen time, there are more important things.
And yes I would expect them to have more self control. They are Y6 and Y7 after all. Next year, they will both spend their day at home on their own during the hols. What are they going to do during that time? Spend all day their eyes rivetted on a screen ?:(

[PacificMouse]

The last thing is that I don't have actually abig issue about the amount of time they spend on their tablet.
We don't have a TV, they are watching very little even with the iplayer, dvds etc.. Seen that the average child watches TV about 4 or 5hours a day, I'm quite happy to replace that by the tablet.

What I have a major issue with is the fact it has become like an addiction. Every single minute that can be used for that is (2 mins whilst I finish getting ready before we go out, 5 mins between setting the table and having the meal on the table etc etc).

[Pipbin]

I expect that in two years time (13~14yo) I'm not ging to be able to set limits at all

Why? If you have such low expectations of your ability to parent and your child's ability to obey your rules then you are rather creating a self fulfilling prophecy.