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To expect people to have a little bit of empathy as one day it could happen to you

(27 Posts)
Dollymixtureyumyum Sun 18-Oct-15 17:17:29

Totally fed up of all the benefit bashing threads on here.
10 years ago I developed epilepsy out of the blue and suddenly had to give up work (well lost my job through it). Was having 20 fits a day and spent the next three years on benefits. I looked healthy, would not have seemed to have had a disability to the outside world. I claimed housing benefit, DLA and income support. At the time I thought people where ok but now I know how much I must have been judged.
Now I work with people with disability and the comments and sometimes abuse they get us disgusting especially those with unseen disabilities.
All I am saying is one day you may wake to to find you or one of your family is disabled. You may lose your nice job and not be able to pay the mortgage
You may even find you have a condition where you put on weight.
FFS have a little bit of empathy and please don't be silly enough to think it may not happen to me, it bloody well might.

RaspberryOverload Sun 18-Oct-15 17:19:06

Most people on here do have empathy, I certainly do. I was unemployed a long time ago, so wouldn't bash anyone now.

And you'll often see other posters pulling up the few who do bash.

saucony Sun 18-Oct-15 17:20:57

YANBU. I've seen a few threads saying that you should be prepared for illness and disability; saving money and ensuring you have critical illness cover. However, with that attitude, you're fucked if you became disabled/ill at a young age. Plus, I don't think those people realise the costs of being a disabled person.

saucony Sun 18-Oct-15 17:21:21

^a few posters, not a few threads.

Groovee Sun 18-Oct-15 17:21:52

I suffer an invisible disability. I think people struggle to have empathy because they cannot see it.

But people have too much judgement over things they have no knowledge about.

But sadly I have found even people who have the same condition can be bloody horrible.

Dollymixtureyumyum Sun 18-Oct-15 17:27:11

Sorry meant I few posters.
And god forbid they may have had 7 kids and then fallen on hard times after

FourEyesGood Sun 18-Oct-15 17:29:09

YANBU. Kids in my Year 10 often say unpleasant things about people on benefits during our current affairs discussions, and I always tell them that they're going to look very foolish if they end up having to claim one day. More empathy and less judgement will make them better people. Not sure how effective I am, though!

Whoknewitcouldbeso Sun 18-Oct-15 17:29:19

I have issues that mean I can't work 'just anywhere' easily. I've never claimed benefits so I haven't faced judgement but I do know what it feels like to have health problems impact your capacity to earn. It's very very frustrating and upsetting.

Sirzy Sun 18-Oct-15 17:30:50

Yanbu, you never know what is around the corner.

VocationalGoat Sun 18-Oct-15 17:32:04

Of course we do OP, seriously. I am in full support of benefits and am opposed to the cuts because of rightful recipients like you getting burnt. But you know, the media portrayal of recipients is grim. Anyone with half a brain knows not to judge. There but for the grace of God...and all that.

SargeantAngua Sun 18-Oct-15 17:50:57

I'm 32, i got a 1st class degree, PhD and then a good job, and then got ME... It's horrible to feel ashamed that you can't contribute to society any more, to feel guilty for living on ESA and PIP, to feel guilty for having been granted them when so many people are refused, to feel guilty for what I buy, to feel guilty for actually not struggling financially (I'm housebound and have little appetite).

Babyroobs Sun 18-Oct-15 17:55:45

Very true, no-one knows what is around the corner. Mt db has epilepsy and although he does not have many seizures and manages to hold down a job it is a constant worry for him.

Fairylea Sun 18-Oct-15 18:01:05

I had a very good career working in senior marketing in central London was married and relocated to Norfolk to start a new life. A year later my now ex left me for the girlfriend he'd had before me he'd found on Facebook and upped and left dd and I with debts worth almost half the house (which I didn't know about). We couldn't trace him and then I got made redundant and despite all my best efforts I could only find a 16 hour minimum wage job to keep me and dd afloat. We downsized and then found out that despite having had a survey done on our new property there were serious roof issues and I had to remortgage up to my eyes. We had to get our broken toilet fixed by the local church charity who despite not being religious myself I am extremely grateful to. I lived on my min wage job and income support for about two years until things started to change, we didn't have the heating on for all that time.

I wish people wouldn't judge others. It really can happen to anyone.

megletthesecond Sun 18-Oct-15 18:04:10

Yanbu. Most of us could tip over the edge with poor health and a few incidents of bad luck.

GlitterNails Sun 18-Oct-15 18:06:16

Agreed. I was born with a genetic condition, symptoms began at 15, I went to university, started work and did pretty well, but had to stop working in my mid 20s. I can't believe this is my life - pretty much housebound much of the time, or in a wheelchair to go out for short periods. I had so many dreams and aspirations. Unless I win the lottery, I will live in poverty my entire life.

I don't feel sorry for myself, but it's frustrating hearing/reading the stupid things people say.

PacificMouse Sun 18-Oct-15 18:10:34

I'm also wondring what people who say 'you need to plan dor it' really think that an insurrance will pay you money every month for years on end. Even with a good insurrance it won't happen.

I also suppose that these people will also be very happy to get their pension when they get to it, whic, really is the same thing. Money given to you by the state because you aren't seen as able to work anymore (or not with great ssues).

I fully agree OP but then I have a chronic illness too so ....

The80sweregreat Sun 18-Oct-15 18:12:00

Your not being unreasonable at all. Nobody knows what the future holds. Nobody. People judge and its not always black and white.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Sun 18-Oct-15 18:15:32

The only people bashing anyone are twatsters and knobbers.

flowers for you OP.

wasonthelist Sun 18-Oct-15 19:20:36

YANBU BUT - I started a thread asking if I WBU not feel sympathy for the woman on QT. Just that, hard to be sympathetic given she voted for it. To read some responses, it sounded as if I'd advocated murdering her and dancing on her grave (for the avoidance of doubt, I didn't, and wouldn't under any circumstances.

I think there is a serious issue about opinions being shouted down without being properly listened to. I am very firmly in the "there but for grace of god" camp.

I have had to claim benefits once, briefly, a long time ago and it wasn't any fun then.

There seem to be a lot of people who have been fortunate to dodge that need and extrapolate that to mean anyone who does has something fundamentally wrong in them (lazy, etc).

With that said, IMHO things won't get any better unless people like QT woman wake up to the fact that if you vote for a certain party, they are likely to do certain things.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 18-Oct-15 19:50:39

YNBU. You do never know what's waiting around the corner. I don't look down my snout at anyone. I've no right to. There but for the Grace of God. Anyone can end up needing help. It's what the welfare state is there for, and if these toss pots have issues with the poor and the needy getting financial help then, It certainly begs the question. WTF am I paying my taxes for!!!!!!!!!!!. To get called a scrounger if heaven forbid i should come out of work for what ever reason and need to claim MY money back!!!!!!.
What you're discribing though Dolly, not only is it benefit bashing. It also sounds like hate crime to me.

BlueJug Sun 18-Oct-15 19:57:43

I agree with the OP to some extent. I didn't expect to have a son who needed a lot of extra help. I had to limit my work and although I have supported myself after twelve years I'd gone through all my savings and needed some help. I am hugely grateful that there is a bit of a safety net. We wouldn't have needed it if the school had been any good - but it wasn't - it was shit.

Often though the benefit bashing threads are not about people who have worked, tried, who contribute in other ways, who volunteer when they cannot work who need help - they are about the people who don't try, who don't contribute, who abuse the system, who ask and ask and ask more from those who are working. It is as naive to say that all benefits claimants are deserving as it is to say that all are leeches on society. It is not that simple.

EponasWildDaughter Sun 18-Oct-15 20:01:03

I hate the automatic assumption that so many people have that 'on benefits' means 'not working'.

The language used by the government separating 'hard working people' from 'people on benefits' is disgusting, as if the 2 cannot be one and the same.

Senpai Sun 18-Oct-15 20:05:04

I don't think it's a lack of empathy. I'm sure many people could put themselves in a disabled person's shoes and see how it would be hard to work.

It's just a matter of being an antagonistic asshole for the sake of it.

BlueJug Sun 18-Oct-15 20:42:53

Agree Eponas many, many benefits are paid to people who are working and that includes pensions, Housing Benefit, WTC. Generally though the benefit bashing threads are about a specific type of claimant. And it is true that some of the comments are horrible.

GlitterNails Wed 28-Oct-15 12:11:32

But by separating "hard-working" from "non-working" there is still a judgement over those not working.

That includes people too ill to work, those unable to find work, those who care for someone, or other valid reasons.

It's no good the public/media writing scathing comments about those awful scrounging benefits claimants who don't work, over and over, for years on end, then shrugging their shoulders and saying they're not including the above. They are! Of course they are.

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