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to ask for your help formulating some evil passive aggressive payback (lighthearted...I think...)

(74 Posts)
solidarityplease Sat 17-Oct-15 21:15:45

Hate my neighbours. Fucking hate them.

Selfish, Selfish bastards. We live in an Edwardian terrace but they behave like they live in a detached in the middle of nowhere.
Impossibly loud bassy music at all times of the day, smoking weed in their house which filters through all the nooks and crannies into ours, slamming doors (even on the way in) at stupid o'clock (so loudly that our mantel trembles), parties before and after going out, parking like inconsiderate twats on a street that has hardly any parking spaces anyway. I could go on.

We kept our mouths shut before we had DC but after trying to calm our 4 week old baby being kept awake by them I'd just about had enough.

We had words. I wrote a note as I couldn't trust myself not to lose it with them after that. They pleaded innocence, didn't realise it was so loud etc etc. But still it continues. They do not give a shit. I have actually apologised in the past to them if DC ever disturbs them and we do try so hard to make as little noise as possible. Don't know why we bother. We are so miserable at times because of them.

I'm sitting here pissed off as my bath I was looking forward to all day has just been ruined by them blasting shit music through the walls.

Help me piss them off please.
We're moving soon (Yippee!) And I would dearly love to piss them off, a nice fuck you gesture.
Just to clarify, this is pure fantasy, I'm obviously too chicken to actually do it the much bigger person.

werewolfinladderedtights Sat 17-Oct-15 21:19:51

Constant glitterbombs.
This is going to be a good thread, there are some very warped posters around here

<settles in with popcorn>

Aramynta Sat 17-Oct-15 21:20:50

Report them to the police for drug use. Chances are they have large quantities in the house with them, and probably not just weed either.


70isaLimitNotaTarget Sat 17-Oct-15 21:30:07

I wouldn't wait till they went away for a weekend and post a lump of meat and some maggots (fishing shop should have some) through the letterbox so they;d have a nice cloud of flies , oh no ................

Or look online for some samples of the most annoying and embarassing personal care items to be sent to their house.

Anusol, ExLax, Windeze,

Items for bad breath, thinning greasy hair,

They'll keep coming.............

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sat 17-Oct-15 21:31:53

Get a recording of a noisy dog barking and let it play right next to the wall.
Tell them that you're dog sitting for your sister and the noise must be setting him off.

solidarityplease Sat 17-Oct-15 21:32:49

Ooo glitterbombs. .. I like it....

Oh there's def other drugs going on there.
Such a shame as it's a lovely, lovely street. They just ruin living here for us. sad

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sat 17-Oct-15 21:33:13

Can't help WRT parking, have my own Parking Prat in my road and I haven't spawned any remedy here hmm

Isthereeverarightime1 Sat 17-Oct-15 21:33:22

Following for laughs grin

TheMotherOfHellbeasts Sat 17-Oct-15 21:33:31

Soak sardines in milk with eggs whisked in for a couple of weeks (somewhere outdoors) and then pour through their letterbox whilst they're out.
Sign them up for loads of awful catalogues.
Whatever music they are playing play the opposite when they are trying to sleep and claim its the only way to soothe your baby.

Hmmm, can't think of anymore at the minute, will keep trying.

Isthereeverarightime1 Sat 17-Oct-15 21:33:53

Although I feel for you and hope your moving day comes around quickly x

ghostyslovesheep Sat 17-Oct-15 21:35:41

go away for the weekend

borrow 20 digital alarm clocks

set them for 4am ...4;10 ... etc

enjoy your weekend away - and your lie in !

solidarityplease Sat 17-Oct-15 21:39:00

Oo, I knew I could rely on you lot!

CalleighDoodle Sat 17-Oct-15 21:40:15

If youre moving soon, report them when youve moved.

RaspberryOverload Sat 17-Oct-15 21:41:08

I'd agree with the alarm clocks.

We went on holiday a couple of years ago, and our neighbours had a word with us on our return. Seems DP forgot to switch off his alarm clock and it was going off every morning at 7am. And it's a fucking LOUD crescendo alarm. blush Oops!

SecretSpy Sat 17-Oct-15 21:41:09

Can you get some Neil Sedaka and Carpenters CDs to play at top volume at 8 am (assuming late night people aren't generally early risers)

Put an advert on Gumtree for an unlocked iPhone 6 must collect in person ASAP for £20 with their address. Or advertise a room to rent there for 40pw all Inc, pop round anytime to view.

urterriblemuriel Sat 17-Oct-15 21:45:13

Ha ha, enjoying reading this. LOVE the i phone one.

Wait until you've moved though to do anything though, in case they know it's you.

TheMotherOfHellbeasts Sat 17-Oct-15 21:45:54

This might require some sneakiness, could you get a key to their house cut (don't ask me how) and the put copies of it in local dogging spots and dodgy public toilets advertising an "anything goes 24/7 sexual extravaganza venue, David Dickenson lookalikes preferred".

solidarityplease Sat 17-Oct-15 21:57:17

Whoa hellbeasts! You've done this before!

CrapBag Sat 17-Oct-15 22:03:10

Love the alarm one! Do it OP!

I'd report the drugs, definitely. I'd be boring and complain about the noise to the council. It must be over the level it is allowed to be. Keep a record.

Can you order pizzas and takeaways and stuff to be sent to their house? Block your number before you phone though.

Watch out your upstairs windows and when they go outside, drop water bombs on them.

Get a pellet gun and shoot them from your windows (this actually happened to me, not maliciously though, my childish grandad did it when we were outside one day, he gave it away by giggling behind the curtain grin).

mugginsalert Sat 17-Oct-15 22:04:15

Get one of those cot mobiles that plays tinkly baby music, play it whenever you're up in the middle of the night, as close as possible to the dividing wall, preferably a chimney breast because they carry sound to different parts of the house. The woman next door to me did that with her baby. I couldn't hear the baby, only the music, and prowled my house night after night trying to track down the source of the weirdness until I realised what it was. In the middle of the night it sounded really eerie, like something out of a horror film...

ReginaBlitz Sat 17-Oct-15 22:19:11

Do the people moving into your house know what shite lies ahead for them?

solidarityplease Sat 17-Oct-15 22:26:07

We've not sold it yet.

The people who sold it to us forgot to mention the arseholes next door too.

Funny that smile

StarkyTheDirewolf Sat 17-Oct-15 22:35:52

Take up playing the bagpipes. Or the electric violin, and put the amp facing their wall. Say it soothes the baby and play twinkle twinkle Little Star continuously from 6am onwards.

ReginaBlitz Sat 17-Oct-15 22:38:06

Yes and look how they fucked you over!

HirplesWithHaggis Sat 17-Oct-15 22:42:02

Please don't order pizza etc, it's really not fair on the shop/delivery person. They lose out financially, the neighbours only have to answer the door and say, "Not us, mate."

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