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to think I'm not going to cope

(14 Posts)
Dumdiddlydum Sat 17-Oct-15 10:43:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretSpy Sat 17-Oct-15 10:49:53

You will cope.

Your OH will have to get over this idea he gets to be a miserable git when he's tired though, no one likes to be tired but you can't make everyone share your suffering.

Not at toddlers are very stroppy. Many of us find we just fit the baby in. First time round you might book appointments to fit in with PFBs nap time, second time you just book what suits and accept they might be asleep in the pushchair grin

But if you're feeling very low, do speak to your mw, antenatal depression is a thing.

Seeyounearertime Sat 17-Oct-15 10:56:36

Is there a chance you maybe trying to do too much with DD? At 18 months you could drive yourself mad trying to fill days with things to do. Don't feel guilty for sticking cbeebies on for an hour or sticking Mother goose Club on YouTube whilst you have a coffee. A she gets a little older, set aside an hour as self play time, up in her room if she has one with her own toys etc. Find little peaceful hour where you can have a cuppa and a biscuit and actually have a cuppa and a biscuit, not clean or tidy etc.

Babyroobs Sat 17-Oct-15 11:02:34

You will cope. I had an 18 month gap between my first two and had to go back to work when the ds2 was five months old as we lived abroad and there was no maternity pay ! It was incredibly hard. Ds2 was born prematurely and hardly slept, but somehow we got through although admittedly my dh did do more than his fair share of getting up at night though . Do you have family around who can help? I remember being terribly depressed during my second pregnancy thinking I had made a terrible mistake . Once he was born it lifted despite the worries and complications surrounding his being born prematurely. Lookng back I'm sure I had some kind of ante-nata depression which I should have sought help for.

SaucyJack Sat 17-Oct-15 11:38:08

It's not a tip as such, but second-born DC are often far more easy going simply because they have to fit in around everybody else.

My DD2 was a delight as a baby. A friend once described her as genuinely pleasant company. There's 21 months between her and DD1.

Definitelysometime Sat 17-Oct-15 13:28:28

I am in the same position as you OP, in that I have a (demanding) 18mo DD and am 15 wks pregnant. Is getting some part time work an option for you, either now or in the future, post Dc2? I actually find my three days at work such a refreshing change, and a whole lot less tiring than my days 'off'. Having those days away make me really appreciate my days with DD too, even if I don't make much money through working after childcare. Not everyone is cut out to be a sahm - I would certainly struggle!

I agree with allowing you both some downtime each day. CBeebies is a god send when you're pregnant, and I'm sure will be even more so in the 3rd tri.

I also feel overwhelmed some days but do remember that your Dd will be a whole 5 months older when baby arrives. At this age, that makes a huge difference. She may well be a lot more easy going. And, well, when the baby arrives they are both going to have to be!

formerbabe Sat 17-Oct-15 13:31:19

Can you afford a part time nursery place for your dd...I put my toddler in nursery when my second dc was born. It really helped as he got to socialise and have fun whilst I could relax a bit with my newborn.

OffMyAyersRocker Sat 17-Oct-15 13:35:54

I think it's natural to feel that way. I have a 4 week old and not quite 5 yo. Bloody hard work but you do just get through.

It's ok to worry a little, think if there are things you can do to help when dc2 arrives.

And stop doing too much now! I truly don't get the have to take baby out mindset unless it's you that wants to go out. Baby's are happy being at home. We stay in every week day and go out w/e when dh is around to help.

My days are very full though with feeding, expressing, cleaning house and then dd1 is home from school that l don't need to be out yet.

Dumdiddlydum Sat 17-Oct-15 21:50:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CalleighDoodle Sat 17-Oct-15 22:01:20

22 months between mine. We went out every monring to different places, soft play, music or craft classes, sign... Home for lunch and they both napped in the afternoon! Coordinated naptime is the future.

EternalDalmatian Sat 17-Oct-15 22:12:20

I felt sort of the same op. We really wanted a small age gap and tried for 13 months before conceiving ds2. Ds1 was 2.3 when he was born.

The reality, when I found out I was pregnant, was still a shock. But you WILL cope. You just do.

You carry on, and do the best you can and then one day you'll realise your two and four year olds are playing nicely and quietly together upstairs and that moment is fucking GOLDEN grin

plentyavino Sat 17-Oct-15 22:24:50

I have been there OP. DD was 13 months old when DS was born. I genuinely thought I wasn't going to be able to cope either. When DH went back to work it was just the three of us.....very scary! DD was a very demanding baby/toddler......whiney and demanding, thankfully DS was an incredibly laid back baby though. Sometimes I felt really overwhelmed but you just learn to deal with it.......I tried to sync their naps (and I would nap with them smile), learned quite quickly that I would be doing a lot of walking since my lovely new double buggy didn't fit on most buses confused and realised that no matter how organised you can be, it can be almost guaranteed that as soon as you get all three of you ready to leave the house, one of them is going to have done the toilet/been sick/need fed etc etc. To be honest I'd love to look back and bask in those beautiful baby years but, it was all a bit of a sleep deprived blur. HOWEVER! DC are now 6 and 5 and are just so close, it's heartwarming to see their little relationship.

As patronising as this sounds, just enjoy those baby years because they really are over so fast. I found our local parent/toddler group a great little saviour. As well as the library rhyme time sessions. It'll definitely be hard, no doubt about it but it's just so worth it. Good luck OP, and remember that many parents go through these exacts same feelings.

Claireshh Sat 17-Oct-15 22:35:01

It is hard with a baby and toddler but it is totally worth it as once the youngest gets a little older they play together. Honestly sooo much easier.

SecretSpy Sun 18-Oct-15 10:04:47

Totally agree with Claireshh, my two are now 8 and nearly 7, and are playing upstairs still, while I'm sitting with a brew

For me, once the youngest was able to talk a bit and be bossed around a bit, they became best buddies. Still bicker a lot too.

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