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To think that keeping a naise house is a relentless all consuming activity?

(126 Posts)
midlifehope Thu 15-Oct-15 16:55:04

We've recently moved to a new house 3 months ago and I'm trying to keep it all nice like. Granted I have a newborn and a 3 year old, and my dp is not that well house trained. But that aside I am constantly doing housework to the detriment of going out or having much of a life. I'm not ocd I don't think, but the house is never quite to the standard I want it. Soul destroying! Aibu?

futureme Thu 15-Oct-15 16:56:16

I gave up. With small children I'd rather not spend hours a day putting it all back together...

CigarsofthePharoahs Thu 15-Oct-15 16:59:37

I was told by someone that as a parent I would be able to choose only two of the following three - 1, A clean house, 2, Happy children. 3, My sanity.
In my case it's option 1 I compromise on the most.

midlifehope Thu 15-Oct-15 16:59:41

Futureme even the basics like cooking having clean clothes for DCs etc are pretty consuming aren't they?

FetaComplete Thu 15-Oct-15 17:05:23

I used to beat myself up for not having it all done properly, but I look back now at pictures of myself when all the dcs when they were little and I want to tell myself to relax and enjoy it and that I'm doing great.

DaimYou Thu 15-Oct-15 17:07:08

It obviously depends on what you mean by nice but I doubt I spend more than 3 hours a week on the house (largish 4 bed)

If you can get it to a decent standard and then pick/clean up as you go it really doesn't have to be all consuming.

I know lots of people disapprove but a routine makes all the difference. Eg I do lots of the smaller jobs, like bathroom cleaning, on set days before I go to work. Amazing what you can achieve when you've got exactly 17 minutes and provided you do it regularly, none of these jobs take very long

formerbabe Thu 15-Oct-15 17:09:11

I feel your pain. I thought once both my dc were at school that it would get easier. It doesn't. I clean whilst they are at school. The house is pristine for a couple of hours...They come home and it's back to square one! Toys everywhere, food on the floor...I will get it straight again and the process will repeat itself. To keep a home immaculate when you have dc is only possible if you clean constantly and never sit down.

MerdeAlor Thu 15-Oct-15 17:09:47

Yup. I made myself a rota that covers the basics every week, toilets, hoovering, mowing lawn etc then do daily stuff like washing up and washing, cooking etc.
BUT, I have the time to do that. If you have very small ones, don't worry about it. In time you'll relax into the house and not worry so much anyway.

SpaggyBollocks Thu 15-Oct-15 17:10:47

many a time the phrase, "I know. this is why we can't have naice things." has been exchanged between DP and I as we wearily tidy up another DS induced domestic calamity.

Seeyounearertime Thu 15-Oct-15 17:12:18

I always say that a bit of dirt is good for the bodies defensive systems, a bit of mess is good for showing your house is a home and a bit of dust shows you be got better things to do than mess about with a duster. grin

TimeforaDietCoke Thu 15-Oct-15 17:14:06

I feel exactly the sameI have a newborn too, who will often only nap on me, and I just can't keep on top of the housework. A routine sounds like a good idea. Hopefully the baby will have more regular naps soon and I can get on with the essentials. And yy to the washing - it's relentless!

Youcantscaremeihavechildren Thu 15-Oct-15 17:16:39

I feel like I never stop, just washing, washing up, hoovering, wiping down sides, picking up mess etc, all takes huge amounts of time and it feels like I'm constantly doing it.
I'm back at work after mat leave in Jan and I have to get some kind of routine or order or I'm going to be chasing my tail trying to get everything done. I'm on the Kondo thread and after reading the book I've managed to discard a fair amount of stuff we didn't need, this helps as there's less to tidy! It's a work in progress though, I'm hoping to have got rid of approximately half our belongings by xmas. And then aquire another load of crap for Xmas to fill the space

RachelZoe Thu 15-Oct-15 17:25:31

Do you have a lot of stuff? I've always had an very clean and tidy home, people always ask me how I did it when the kids were little (have help now) and that's my answer, barely any stuff grin. My parents were filthy hoarders so I have a huge incentive for keeping things clean and organized.

Snuggly, low lighting helps to make it look less bare, then flowers and some big fat pretty scented candles placed nicely, throws etc, looks homely even though it's really minimal. Trickery is essential grin, the lighting especially helps for ignoring some dusty bits and all those little things.

If everything is minimal and properly organized (ie no silly complex systems, just everything in it's place) then it's just basic maintenance.

With cooking, the freezer is your friend.

Even when the kids were small I did drop my standards a bit, it became more about basic hygeine covered and everything looking nice as apposed to my normal hospital clean and every little thing color coordinated and organized properly. Take the reins off a bit, hide it with tricks and relax.

Also, get yourself a couple of These, amazing. They can just be thrown in the corner once they're in bed.

Finally, explain to your DP that he needs to make more off an effort, even if it's just wiping down the kitchen and bathroom every day, it will take no time if you're on the kids and it's one less thing for you to do.

megletthesecond Thu 15-Oct-15 17:33:25

I stopped bothering. As a working and totally lone parent my health and sanity come first.

hippospot Thu 15-Oct-15 17:34:10

When mine were little my mantra was "fed and clothed, that's all that matters".

Now that they're bigger I find as long as everything has a place and there's no excessive clutter, then cleaning takes less than 3 hours once a week and a quick hoover in between, and I find it bearable now.

I make them tidy all toys before bed, mind! I'm naturally quite tidy so tend to put stuff away as I go along. Cleaning isn't too much of a headache as long as it's tidy. I also have a few rules - only eat at the table, no shoes in the house, all clothes to be put in dirty basket as soon as taken off...

laffymeal Thu 15-Oct-15 17:36:12

For a while I got a clean house but probably unhappy children and no sanity. I think I was cleaning the house for some level of "control" in my life. Letting it go was just wonderful. Also, now the DC are older they are responsible for cleaning their own rooms and changing their bed linen, they also empty and reload the dishwasher and run the hoover over now and again. DH has stepped up a lot as well. I used to be such a martyr about the whole thing, bloody waste of time and energy.

poocatcherchampion Thu 15-Oct-15 17:38:25

It doesn't actually matter.

I'm fascinated by how many people seem obsessed with housework. It all gets sorted eventually.

Titsywoo Thu 15-Oct-15 17:44:20

I get really low moods if my house isn't relatively clean and tidy. I work 4 days and spend the 5th cleaning. I tend to tidy as I go as much as I can and do a washing load/dishwasher load every other day. You can do it if you really want to but if you aren't bothered by it who cares? Unless things are dirty and unhygienic of course.

bimandbam Thu 15-Oct-15 17:46:19

My house is like the fourth bridge! I get one bit done and something else needs doing.

I find I am most productive once dd has gone to school and before we go out anywhere. Ds is nearly 2 so there is a constant layer of toys and sticky atm. But cbeebies is my friend from 8.30 to 9.30 so I do an hour (in theory) every morning. I do 30 minutes general tidying away and hoovering downstairs then 30 minutes doing something like the bathroom or a bedroom or putting laundry away. I do at least one wash a day and sometimes two but rarely.see the bottom of the basket. Things likes skirting boards and windows get done on a monday which is my potter around at home day.

But this has only been possible once ds was happy enough to entertain himself for a while. When he was a baby nothing got done as he wasn't a good napper unless on the boob or in a sling.

I had a tide mark from waist height down when he was tiny as I couldn't easily bend with him in a sling lol.

But it does get easier. And when your 3 year old is at nursery is there any chsnce the baby could go once a week for a few hours too? Ds goes once a week 8am until 1pm so I can do paperwork for our business. I am usually finished by 11am and can blitz everything in 2 hours! It's surprising how quick you can go with no one else home and the clock ticking.

LittleFeileFooFoo Thu 15-Oct-15 17:49:40

YesOP, cleaning a house takes a huge amount of time that I don't seem to have. I have never been a very good house keeper. My husband was neat as a pin, so I naturally thought it was a match made in heaven, I'm happy to let him do the housework he is happy to do! Imagine my dismay that I am now doing the cleaning. Let me tell you, clean isn't the adjective that comes to mind when I think of my home, but I work full time and have outside chores (livestock, garden which I enjoy doing! ) so the house is messy.

EllyHigginbottom Thu 15-Oct-15 18:02:24

Take heart, OP, my house is so much naicer now that my kids aren't toddlers. It's an impossible task.

Openup41 Thu 15-Oct-15 18:05:24

Housework is ongoing, especially tge washing. Before dc I had high standards and this still remains. Toys, books laid out on carpet during the day is fine, dirt and general mess is not. My bathroom and kitchen have to be clean and I hoover/pick crumbs from living room floor after dc have gone to bed. I cannot relax on sofa if toys are out or carpet has crumbs.

TheExMotherInLaw Thu 15-Oct-15 18:05:30

Train the DP. NOW. Otherwise the dc will grow up as untrained as he is, and your work will escalate.

StarlingMurmuration Thu 15-Oct-15 18:19:42

Our house is a shit tip most of the time, due to DS and my constant tiredness. I'm back at work next month, god knows how bad it will get then. It drives me pretty crazy but I'm having to get over it.

verystressedmum Thu 15-Oct-15 18:27:34

I tried to keep a nice house, it was exhausting.

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