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WWYD about complicated situation

(128 Posts)
MustBeLoopy390 Sun 11-Oct-15 20:52:24

Long story so not to drip feed.
SIL 3 is a serial piss taker regarding her children and her expectance of everyone dropping everything for her. For the past month I have been planning a family day out to a significant place for DH's birthday, it can only be on this one day due to business closing for winter etc. He has no idea we are going, but all his sisters and his parents do. MIL will be driving me, DH, and DS's in her car, FIL unfortunately has to work (that's fine as he is main earner) SIL 1 lives at the other end of the country and her DH cannot get the time off, so they are sending a card and seeing us next time they can (we all understand, this is no issue.) SIL 2 has just started work in a new pub and with it being the local team's match day cannot get the full day off (again we fully understand). My DD's bio dad has also got plans booked with DD so we are celebrating beforehand with her as a family. Now here's the issue. SIL 3's Husband's nana has unfortunately passed away, and the funeral is on the same day as the day out. Baring in mind SIL 3 and H have very very little contact with his family and normally cannot stand to be at events SIL has now decided they simply must go to the funeral, but she will not take her children. She has found a babysitter for her youngest, but she will not look after the eldest as in her words he is a sod to look after. We have no space in the car, and in all honesty I'm a little annoyed that SIL 3 playing happy families with people she describes as 'hills have eyes wannabes' is at the moment coming before my DH's day. In this situation would you:
A) give up on the day out and just forget the whole thing
B) offer to pay for a childminder for Dnephew
C) tell SIL 3 to sort it fast
I know I'm being a bit bitchy but this is the woman who has constantly took MIL's time and attention away from her siblings, and frequently takes the piss out of the lot of them. Thanks in advance

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 11-Oct-15 20:55:03

Why is any of this your problem.

They are not your kids it is not your responsibility to sort out child care for them

Caboodle Sun 11-Oct-15 20:55:20

Yabu. She is attending a funeral.

Trills Sun 11-Oct-15 20:57:51

Go on the day out with your DH, his parents and your kids.

SIL has decided not to come, so it's her responsibility to sort out what her children are doing.

AliceInUnderpants Sun 11-Oct-15 20:58:18

Wait, you are considering cancelling a family day out because your SIL can't get a babysitter whilst she's at a funeral? Eh?

ghostyslovesheep Sun 11-Oct-15 21:00:40

Yabu - it's a funeral

BarbarianMum Sun 11-Oct-15 21:00:42

I'm not sure attending your grandmother's (or grandmother-in-law's) funeral counts as "playing happy families" tbh, more like common courtesy. YABU - and distasteful.

Arfarfanarf Sun 11-Oct-15 21:01:44

go without them and say I am sorry about your bereavement and I hope you find childcare for your son.

It's not your responsibility to sort this out. If she suggests you postpone say no sorry this date is the only one this event can happen on. If she suggests you take her son, say sorry no, I won't be able to supervise your son/there isn't room in the car.

This really isn't your thing to sort out.

mangocoveredlamb Sun 11-Oct-15 21:01:54

Are you expecting that SIL will ask MIL to take older child OP?
Can you get in with MIL first and say something like "isn't it a pity that SIL can't come, and that she's struggling for childcare as you are busy with DH?"

turningvioletviolet Sun 11-Oct-15 21:02:04

Are you saying your MIL is now looking after SIL's child on the day of your outing? And you don't have space for him in the car? Do you have a car? Does your DH? Can't you take a second car? (The stuff about all other family who can't attend was totally irrelevant information)

BarbarianMum Sun 11-Oct-15 21:02:19

Having said which, I wouldn't cancel the day out either. Not sure why you'd be expected to pay for a sitter.

MustBeLoopy390 Sun 11-Oct-15 21:02:24

It's been twisted into a 'poor SIL 3' situation, she's been at us all bastard day about looking after Dnephew on the day knowing we have no way of fitting him in the car etc. it's only a matter of time before she's at MIL wheedling and whinging, which is why I'm thinking of cancelling, because it's much more shite for us if I decide to trundle on but on the other hand my DH deserves one bloody day enjoying himself.

LittleRedSparke Sun 11-Oct-15 21:03:18

i'm not sure i am reading this right either? you have plans, you cannot babysit for her simple

I think "no i am busy" will cover it

ghostyslovesheep Sun 11-Oct-15 21:04:34

mil, dh, you and ds - is it a mini?

MustBeLoopy390 Sun 11-Oct-15 21:04:37

Turning it was all relevant as we are the only ones who do not drive, sorry did forget to put that. And IMO after calling the poor woman an inbred bastard a few months back in my eyes it's a farce them even attending.

MustBeLoopy390 Sun 11-Oct-15 21:05:21

MIL, DH, Me and two car seats for two DS's, it's a swift and tight fit.

Arfarfanarf Sun 11-Oct-15 21:05:58

talk to your mother in law first. Explain the situation.

At the end of the day, if your mother in law chooses to not go on this trip because she wants to care for your nephew instead that's up to her. I can understand that she may want to make that choice. Go without her. I realise she is currently driving you, but you can make other transport arrangements.

I think the main thing is to let your mother in law know that taking your nephew is not an option, if that's how you feel. She can decide what she wants to do. There's not really a lot more you can do.

sliceofsoup Sun 11-Oct-15 21:06:22

Before you even got to the funeral part there were more people not going than going.

A family members funeral is something you generally attend, no matter what your relationship was like.

YABU. Actually, I have never read an OP more unreasonable.

turningvioletviolet Sun 11-Oct-15 21:07:31

Can't you just take your DH on your own with your Dcs? On the train? And leave Mil to decide whether she wants to look after her dgs?

lexigrey Sun 11-Oct-15 21:08:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MustBeLoopy390 Sun 11-Oct-15 21:09:45

The place in question is in a remote part of the Yorkshire Dales which was why MIL had offered to drive as she's been helping plan, there are no connections from local stations to the place we wanted to take him.

Waltermittythesequel Sun 11-Oct-15 21:10:02

Take your own car.

Chillyegg Sun 11-Oct-15 21:11:21

It's a funeral!
What the hell you are being bloody unreasonable !

Arfarfanarf Sun 11-Oct-15 21:12:02

You may have to consider hiring a taxi in advance then.

Waltermittythesequel Sun 11-Oct-15 21:12:20

X-post.

So you're pissed off because MIL might not be able to ferry you all on your day out because she might babysit her grandchild whose parents are attending the funeral of a relative? Wow.

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